It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

....a tad earlier than usual. Let me first say that I absolutely love Christmas...love it! But I tend to be fairly strict on when the celebration can begin....always the day after Thanksgiving and never a day before. I've even been strict this year although I'm looking forward to Christmas more than ever before. I really missed spending last Christmas with my family. I missed shopping in the malls with carols playing in all the stores. But I still believe that we shouldn't start celebrating this holiday until Thanksgiving is finished. I LOVE Christmas music, but only once Thanksgiving is over. I hate it when Wal-mart puts up the big trees and all the stores start playing music as soon as Halloween is over. Christmas is a great thing, but let's not beat it into the ground right? All of those things were true in my life until this year. But right now, I must confess that my cute little apartment is all ready for Christmas, the Christmas tree lights are plugged in, I'm listening to Christmas music while typing this, and last time I checked my calendar, Thanksgiving is still 2 weeks away. Why the sudden change of heart you might ask....


Laura, Picker, and the girls came through town yesterday afternoon and stayed until this afternoon. I'm not exactly how the conversation started, but somehow it was decided that I needed to find a Christmas tree and that they should help me decorate. I'd like to say that I stuck to my core beliefs and fought long and hard that it is too early, but as Picker says, I'm an easy flip. Can you blame me when Kennedy was putting ornaments on the tree saying, "Wow! I've never done this before Betsy. I'm helping you decorate your Christmas tree!" all excitedly. Yeah, you'd be an easy flip too. I realized that if I really waited until after Thanksgiving to decorate, I'd only have a couple of weeks to enjoy it before going home, and in those couple of weeks, I have my first three basketball games on top of the usual busyness of life as a first year teacher and coach. Plus, it was WAY more fun decorating with my family than by myself and that's what the holidays are all about anyways. I'm so thankful that Laura was blessed with an interior decorating sense that seemed to skip over me. She was also so sweet and bought me some of these super cute decorations while we were at Hobby Lobby. Here I was thinking she was filling up the cart for their house, but it was all for my apartment. I am truly blessed with the family that God has given me, and it was great to enjoy them today and get into the spirit of Christmas together. Here's the finished product of my tree and mantle, and yes, my awesome fireplace is being used. I love Christmas!!!!!!

He is Able

I've been gone from Uganda for four months today, but it's so cool how I continue to learn from my time there and the relationships I made. Today I got an email from my friend Alex, and God really spoke through him to me. Alex has been lacking school fees since we left, and he's emailed me several times and asked me to pray for him to get the money to go to school. He emailed today ecstatic because he got the money and he's back in school. He went on and on about how excited he was, but it was one sentence that got me the most. This is what he said.

"Get to know that God is able, Betsy"

I really needed to hear that today. I feel like there have been several times in my life where I've successfully taken God out of the box that I tend to keep him in, and I've been wowed at the things He has done. But all too often I keep Him in the box, and I don't truly trust that He is able. The words of my friend were a great reminder that I daily need to be "getting to know God." And the more I get to know Him, the more I'll know that he IS able. I need to be daily reminding myself to trust in His power and not my own. I'm so thankful that God continues to work through the wonderful people He's put in my life to teach this stubborn girl a thing or do.

In other news, everything is going really well. I absolutely love my job, and my students are great. Teaching is hard and definitely a challenge, but so worth it. I work with wonderful people, and I just feel extremely blessed to be where I am at. I feel like I learn so much everyday. In fact, yesterday I learned after witnessing my first fight break out a few feet in front of me, that as it turns out, I am a freezer in those types of situations. I always wondered how I'd handle that, and yesterday I found that I stood with my feet frozen to the group while the male teachers came running down the hall to my rescue. Thankfully, I was standing next to a fellow freezer of a teacher so I didn't feel too bad about it. Regardless of the occassional fight, I have absolutely fallen in love with 8th grade, and I can't believe I never considered this age before. My students crack me up, and I could go on and on about the funny things they say. It's a blast. I've also been blessed to be helping out with the youth group at church. We're having a lock-in next Friday, and let's just say I'm doubting my chaperoning abilities considering I usually start yawning around 8:00, and they're expecting me to stay up all night. yeah....right.... All in all, life is good, and I'm blessed. God is able, and He continues to show me that daily, and for that I'm thankful.

Ten Things Tuesday: Thursday edition

So my sister started doing this and I've been wanting to do it for awhile, but I just kept forgetting. But after she so subtly/not so subtly at all, reminded/asked me when I was going to do it, I decided it was time to take time to be thankful...even if it is a few days late. I really do love this idea, and I have a feeling, it's going to be hard to list just 10 things.

1. I'm thankful for a weekend to relax before school officially starts on Monday.
2. I'm thankful that there's a gym where I can workout in my apartment complex that is less than a 30 second walk away.
3. I'm thankful for the eliptical machine that takes it easy on those of us with bum knees.
4. I'm thankful for Grace Harbor, my wonderful new church home.
5. I'm thankful that I'm in America where my friends and family are only a phone call away.
6. I'm thankful for phone conversations where I laugh so hard, I go into silent mode and the person on the other end wonders if they lost me.
7. I'm thankful to work in such a great school with great people.
8. I'm thankful for my wonderful new friend that I'm convinced God sent to Kirksey to work across the hall from me.
9. I'm thankful that I got to meet some of my students tonight....and on that note, I'm thankful that I remembered during introductions to those students that my name is no longer Betsy, but now Ms. Glover.
10. I'm thankful that I'm a coach....it's a blast!

Follow Me

Some people might think I'm crazy to love living by myself and having so much alone time , but so far, life in the new place has been great. I've always been one that loves alone time, but I feel like it is so much more of a necessity for me these days as I continue to process my time in Uganda and the things that God is still teaching me from it. One of the blessings of a little more down time than usual is time to read. I love to read, but a lot of times, I don't have the down time to do it. This week I've been reading a book and as always...it's got me thinking. Surprise, surprise.

This book put a new spin on a verse, which I love, that I'm sure most of us have read many times. I feel like it's such a trap for the Bible to become stale when we've read the same stories so many times. But I'm reminded again that God's word is alive and active, shaping me and changing me in different ways all the time. The verse is found in three out of the four gospels, and it's Jesus' simple invitation to the first disciples to "Come, follow me." So often the emphasis of that verse is put on the action of following, and rightly so. The focus is on being like Christ and following Him wherever He might lead (even to Uganda...Trust me this verse was special to me during that time period, but for a different reason.) It's about giving up control and living our faith without fear, or even if we're fearful, going regardless and trusting that because Jesus is leading, we'll be ok.

If we're going to go and follow Jesus somewhere, then doesn't that imply that we're also leaving something behind? I have to confess that I've never really thought about that, but the idea of following someone invariably means that we're leaving another place, or maybe another way of life. That's what I've been thinking about since reading this last night....following Jesus always means leaving something behind, whether it's a physical place, a lifestyle, or simply a comfortable place we've always know.

I wonder how often I miss out on things that God is willing to show me because I'm too slow to leave something behind. Maybe I'm too attached to something and not as attached to Him as I need to be. Maybe God is just calling us all to leave something behind and truly follow after Him for the first time in our life. Maybe it's a job that we're stuck in and feel like we can't get out. Maybe it's a relationship. Maybe it's an attitude. Maybe it's an acceptance of a mediocre life instead of the abundant life that God has promised. Maybe it's the need to control, rather than trust. Maybe it's a way of life that's comfortable, although not what it should be. I don't know what it is for you, but I can think of several things that it is for me. My prayer as I start my new life in this new place is that the fear of leaving the ordinary and the comfortable behind doesn't keep from following Jesus to new blessings.

Home again, Home again

Well, I apologize for the long hiatus from blogging, but these past few weeks have been a whirlwind. I've now been home for over 3 weeks and it has been wonderful! I have to confess that I miss the slow pace of Uganda already because I feel like I haven't stopped going since I got home. I was only home for a little over a week before leaving on a two week trip to see friends and family that I've missed so much in the past year. It's been great to enjoy the comforts of home as well as the company of so many people. I've especially enjoyed time with my precious nieces and nephew. I think that when I look at Sidney and KJ it hits me the most just how long I was gone and how much I missed out on. I'm so thankful to be back and able to spend time with them now.





I've also been incredibly blessed with a great job for this next year. It's a really long story that has God's fingerprints all over (it would take way too long to type, but I'd love to tell you about how God's been working if you're interested). God has led me to move to Rogers, AR where I'll be an 8th grade history teacher and head girls' basketball coach. I could not be more excited about this opportunity, and I feel like it's the perfect first job for me. I'm especially excited to get back into basketball and this time on the other side of it. It has all happened pretty quickly, and I'll be moving down in 3 weeks to start working basketball camps and having workouts with my team. God continues to bless and provide for me, and I've already found a great apartment that I'm excited about moving into. One of the main things I have been praying for in this whole process was to feel just as led and called to the next phase of life as I did to Uganda. God has wowed me during the past few months and reminded me once again to never box him in, and I know He is calling me to Rogers. I'm not sure why, but I'm excited to see it unfold and learn what He's waiting to teach me next.

I wanted to thank you all one more time for being such huge supporters and prayer warriors for me this past year. Now that I'm back in the States and looking back on my time in Uganda, I'm continually amazed at the many ways God used your prayers to bless my year. I could never thank you enough. It has meant so much to know that you've kept up with my blog and the journey that I've been on, and it's been great to be able to share life with so many of you face to face now that I'm back. Although I'm no longer in Uganda, I continue to learn and be changed daily by the people I met, the experiences I had, and the life that I lived there. Now it's on to the next big adventure that God has put in front of me...

Just Go

I knew that God had brought me to the right place when I found out that all (well...most) of the members of the team here also consider "Dumb and Dumber" to be their favorite movie. I love that movie, and I love that for our last time together with the team on this upcoming Saturday, we will be watching that movie together one more time. One of my favorite parts of the movie is when Lloyd is dropping Mary off at the airport and as she starts to say something, he pushes his finger to her lips and all dramatically says, "Just go." It cracks me up, but more seriously, it is something that I've been thinking about a lot lately as I am approaching an exciting, yet uncertain transition in my future. Just a year ago, I was facing the uncertainty of journeying to a place I'd never been before to live with people I'd never met. Now I'm facing the uncertainty of journeying back to a place I call home to be with those that know me the best and love me anyways.

It's not that I'm unsure about America, but it's more that I'm unsure about myself in America again. I've changed in a lot of ways this year, and I feel funny confessing this, but in some ways I feel like I've forgotten how it works to live in America. Here's a few examples. I've gotten so used to using cash everywhere here, that I've totally forgotten how credit cards work. Today I was trying to confirm online that I could pay with a credit card for the hotel in London. Duh Betsy. The other day in school I was reading a book to the little girls, and I pronounced the word "mosquito" the way that Ugandans pronounce it, which is incidentally quite different then I've pronounced it for the first 22 years of my life. D-rae is planning a trip to Searcy for when she gets back and she was accidentally planning each day of traveling so that she would arrive at her destination before dark, without realizing that it's actually ok to be on the roads in America after the sun goes down. These are just a few funny examples, but it really is overwhelming at times to think about living the American life that I've always known after experiencing a year of so many differences here in Uganda.

In addition to the unknowns about reentering life in America, there are still so many unknowns about my future. Where will I live? What will my job be? Will I have a job? In the midst of all of these transitions, I've been trying to live a lot less by doubts and a lot more by faith. But I am still so weak and so faithless despite the great faithfulness of my Father. Today I got a good wake-up call through Psalm 106. This whole chapter kind of recaps the Israelites in the wilderness and their constant rollercoaster of faith: believing in God and then doubting him...worshiping Him and then turning around and worshiping a golden calf. Their faith was constantly changing, just like mine. God used verse 24 to speak to me today.

The people refused to enter the pleasant land, for they wouldn't believe his promise to care for them.

I wonder how often I do that in my life. How often do I hang back and miss out on the "pleasant land" because I'm too busy listening to my doubts instead of trusting His promises? Why do I so often linger and question where God is taking me instead of just going on the belief that He goes with me? Right now at this time in my life, I don't want to be like the Israelites. I don't want to miss out on the blessing of the Promised Land because my faith is too weak. Instead as I journey back home and continue this journey of life, I want the belief that God will be there to care for me to be more than enough. And it should. He has never given me any reason to doubt, but has only given me hundreds of reasons to believe. He will care for me, and that's all the assurance I need in this time of uncertainty.

So maybe I'll make some funny mistakes when I get back to America. I'll probably try to warm up leftovers in the oven while forgetting that a microwave is actually quicker. Drinking out of a faucet might freak me out for awhile, and being out after dark will probably make me feel a little rebellious. But I'm just going to go. I'm going to go and trust that God will be with me in the hard times of adjustment just as much as He'll be with me in the joyous reunions with family and friends. Speaking of reunions, how about 19 days?!?!?!

Picture Update

I figured that looking at pictures might be more fun. Here are a few pictures from the last month or so. Clicking on one of the pictures will take you to my picasa site where there are several more. So here is update #2...

Me standing in the middle of a matooke plantation at my friend Trueman's house



Eating my last meal with Trueman and his wife Peace



Saying goodbye to Bernard's family



D-rae and I doing our best to act Ugandan at our Ugandan themed team party.



We went on a team retreat to this great place called the Kingfisher Lodge, which overlooks Queen Elizabeth National Park.



A view of our banda overlooking the game park. Ours was second from the right.

A little update

I realized the other day that I hadn't written on my blog in a long time. There have been plenty of times where I've wanted to share something or update you on a part of my journey, but life here has been incredibly busy the last few weeks. I don't know how it happened, but suddenly we're down to only three weeks left in Uganda. That is so hard for me to believe. As much as I'm trying to savor every moment and not let it pass me by, I still feel like the time is flying. All along, D-rae and I have talked about how busy April would be, but now that it's here, it's even crazier than I expected. Ok, let me try to briefly update you on the last month or so.

We welcomed new teammates in the Hutton family on March 11, and we've been enjoying spending time with them and getting to know them these past few weeks. Last week we did our last big touristy adventure and went gorilla trekking. Awesome and worth every hard earned penny we spent. Each Thursday in April we've been going to a different village and spending time with a family that we've gotten especially close to. So the goodbyes have started and they are not fun or easy. This Thursday we are spending the day with Gigi, and while I'm looking forward to spending the day with her, I'm not looking forward to having to say goodbye to her in a few weeks. This past Sunday and Monday we went on a quick team retreat to the Kingfisher Lodge near Queen Elizabeth National Park. It was great to spend some time with some of the people who have come to mean so much to me and supported me so much this past year. Again, not a goodbye I'm looking forward to.

The next few weeks will be equally as busy. We've got more goodbyes planned as well as our last day of school next week. The kids are coming over for their last sleepover on Friday, and we're going to spend the night in our last village next week. We're also going to an island for a 4 days womens' retreat with all the missionaries in East Africa. We've got all of our last Bible studies and time with friends planned. Basically it is going to be a whirlwind these next few weeks and I'm going to be back in the States before I know it.

It's incredible the mixed emotions that I have right now. I am so sad to be leaving this life and leaving the dear friends I've made. I will forever take with me precious memories of this year and the lessons that God has taught me along the way. I know I'll never have an experience like this one, and I will eagerly anticipate my visits back to Uganda in the future. But at the same time, I don't think I've ever been so excited about an approaching date...May 10th!!!! I can't wait to see my family, my friends, and all of you who have supported me in this journey. I can't wait to be a phone call away and within driving distance of everyone that I have missed so dearly this year. I can't wait to play with my nieces and meet my new niece and nephew. But most of all, I can't wait to share with you what God has done and the ways He has changed me. I can't wait.

In the past, I haven't always handled being busy in the best way. I seem to get so focused on the things that need to get done, that I forget to do the most important things. I get so worn out and so tired that I feel like I don't have the strength to go on. This time around I'm trying to be different. I've spent a lot of time praying about my last few weeks here, and I'm really praying for God to bless it. I'm exhausted, but I'm praying for God to give me a strength that only comes from Him. I'm praying for his Spirit to fill me all the time, but especially when I feel worn out with nothing left to give. In his great mercy, He's been teaching me a lot lately about just how helpless I am without him. This year would have been nothing except that God was in it and controlling it. No good was done by me, but only by God. I've realized lately just how fully dependent I am on God, and how much I fail every time I try to do things on my own. My prayer for these next few weeks is that I fully surrender my time left in Uganda to the one who's been controlling it all along. This year has been incredible, and I've been blown away by God's faithfulness, and I know the next three weeks will be no different.

Many of you have emailed and asked what you can pray for specifically in these last few weeks. I'd like to take you guys up on that offer and just list a few prayer requests as my time comes to an end. Thanks for being such prayer warriors.

- For me to live fully present in Uganda, even though I am so anticipating the future.
- All the goodbyes that we will be saying
- My future as I look for a job and continue to seek God's leading in the next phase of my life
- Desarae's time at home with family and going back to Harding in the fall
- The continued work here in southwestern Uganda, and for God to continue to raise up more workers for this field
- Our transition back into American culture and American life
- That God receives all the glory for what He has done in the past year

A game of tag

So my sister tagged me with this game so I'm doing it just for fun. I have to confess that I don't even have 6 blog friends to tag. I'm kind of a loser, so I guess the game stops here. :)

Stacy has tagged me! These are the rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. (or don't and don't feel any less cool....)
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

Six non-important things about me:
1. I am a huge creature of habit. It's a raspberry white mocha every time at Starbucks and chicken fingers regardless of the restaurant. I've even got a regular order at one of the restaurants here in Mbarara. I realize I should branch out, but when I find a good thing I just have a hard time letting go.

2. I always, always listen to my music on random. In fact, the thought of listening to a cd in the right order kind of makes me cringe.

3. I am slightly obsessed with Beth Moore, acacia trees, sunsets, and Sara Groves...in no particular order.

4. I have a few OCD tendencies such as checking locks a lot (it must run in the family), checking my alarm a few times before I go to bed, and consistently thinking I've left the oven on and convincing myself of it until I go home and check.

5. One of my favorite things in the world is driving with nowhere to go and the sunroof open on a beautiful day.

6. On long road trips when I get sleepy, I crank up Mariah Carey's greatest hits and keep myself awake by trying to hit all of the high notes. Now if that's not a funny mental image for you, then I don't know what is.

Meet Carolyne

About a month ago, Desarae and I wrote an email to many of you about a special need that had come up with our friend Carolyne. Carol is from Rwanda, and she fled to Uganda when her entire family was killed in the genocide in 1994. Since then she's lived with a grandmother, gone to school for awhile, and she has recently been living with a friend here in town. Carol doesn't have a job and has no way to take care of herself, but thankfully God provided her with a good friend who lets her live with her for free and takes care of her.

Recently Carol's friend became very sick and lost her job. For the last few weeks, Carol has been struggling to find money to eat and to survive. She has come to us crying several times, and we've tried to help her out as much as we can. We were only able to help a little so we decided to email all of you. It was incredible to sit back and watch God's people react to a sister in need. The way you all surrounded her with love and money was incredible. Thanks to your generosity, we've now got over $1000 raised for Carol, which is enough to take care of her through the end of 2010! We serve a mighty God, and He has a mighty people. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.

Today we told Carol the good news. I wish you all could have been here to see her reaction. She's not a big hugger, but she jumped up and gave D-rae and I the biggest hugs ever! She just kept saying "thank you" over and over again, and she admitted to us later in the day that she still can't believe this has happened. She couldn't stop smiling, and it was a beautiful thing to see. She was talking about how in the Bible it says that there is a time for everything, a time for suffering, and a time for joy. She said that God has really done a miracle and brought her out of her time of suffering to a great time of joy. She was SO excited!

We explained that she will only be allowed to withdrawal a certain amount every month, which will be enough to live on and also help her money to last until the end of 2010. We sat down with her and helped her plan a budget, and we gave her a notebook to keep track of the money that she spends. Since most people here have never had much money, they don't understand how to budget or save so we're trying to educate her a little bit. At the end of our time with her, she wrote a letter thanking all of you for your love. I'm going to type it exactly how she wrote it so you can get an idea of how people talk here. This is a precious letter.

Let me first greeting you in the name of Jesus that praise the Lord. Am so so happy to have a good message from you. I really appreciate. There is no way how I can thank you because it's like a miracle. Thank you very much. May God continue to bless you all the time. I think nothing I can give it to you only God is the one who is going to reward you. I love you so much in the name of Jesus Christ. May God protect your lives and everything that your doing. Continue to pray for me and I will continue to pray for you because God has done for me the good thing. Bye.
From: Ekyatuhaire N. Carolyne
ekyatcarlo2007@yahoo.com

Carol's life was changed today and you were all a part of that. Continue to pray for her health as she has a heart disorder and ulcers which cause her a lot of pain. Her friend is currently trying to get another job and will find out this Friday if she is hired. Pray that her friend is able to get a job so that they can split the rent and each have more money to live on.

In Rwanda, parent's choose a different surname for every child. Ekyatuhaire means "God has given." I think that's cool to know considering what God has given her today. Thank you for being his hands and feet.

God Chose Me

The story of Gideon is quickly becoming one of my favorite stories in all the Bible. I've read it a few times lately, and each time I notice new things and learn more about our God. We read it to our boys the other day in school, and last night I shared it with our hostel girls and God just continues to teach me more through the Old Testament. And to think that I used to not be able to get into the OT...now I can't get enough of it!

Gideon is another one of the countless examples of God choosing the weak, the sinful, the imperfect, to accomplish His purposes. Abraham the fatherless became the father of many nations. Moses the stutterer became the mighty leader of the Israelites. Rahab the prostitute aided the spies and is listed in the genealogy of Jesus. David, the man after God's own heart, committed two sins that were very unlike God's character. And then there's Gideon. The coolest part is that all of these seemingly imperfect sinners are listed in Hebrews 11 as examples of those with great faith who are left for us to follow. It's amazing what God can do through those the world views as unable and incapable!

Gideon is chosen as the fifth judge of the Israelites, and we meet him in Judges 6. When talking with an angel of the Lord, Gideon describes himself as weak--his tribe is the weakest, and he is the weakest of all his family. He clearly thinks that God has chosen the wrong man to lead the Israelites against the mighty Midianites, a force of over 120,000 men. But God doesn't make mistakes. He chooses us each for a reason, and He chose Gideon for a specific purpose.

I love how the angel of the Lord addresses Gideon. In verse 12, he says, "Mighty Hero, the Lord is with you." Here Gideon is referring to himself as weak, while God is calling him mighty. The angel also tells Gideon to go with the strength that he has, which implies that weak Gideon has strength that maybe he is unaware of.

God doesn't view Gideon the way that he views himself or even the way that others view him. God sees Gideon in a completely different way. He doesn't see him as he is in that moment, but He views him as who he could become with God's power within him. He doesn't look at Gideon and see his past failures or even the failures that he will make in the near future. Instead he looks at Gideon and sees his beloved child and the ways that He wants to use him. Even when Gideon's faith wavers in his conquest of the Midianites, God still views him as a mighty hero and a man of strength.

I love that and I need to be reminded of it. God doesn't remember my past failures at all. It's not just that He chooses not to think about them, but He actually has no memory of them. I wish I could wrap my mind around that. I look at myself as someone who struggles with pride, selfishness, gossip, doubt, among many other things. But God looks at me as His daughter, created in His image, and for whom He has great things planned. When I feel weak, He reminds me to go with the strength that I have and that He'll be there with me to provide all the strength I'll ever need.

Turn to the Cross

Rather than condemning ourselves for our weakness and making self-conscious efforts to try harder, we can allow the Crucified to love us in our brokenness.
- Brennan Manning "The Signature of Jesus"

Desarae was in charge of Bible study tonight, and let me just say that she brought it. I felt like God was speaking through her straight to my heart in such a way that I wanted to share tonight with all of you. Much of this blog comes from things she said or things that it made me think of while she was speaking and God was pricking my heart. I can't even begin to put into words how thankful I am for her friendship, and tonight was just a reminder of the many ways that God has used her to teach me in the past nine months. She is a great friend, who points me to the cross everyday, and tonight was no different.

I remember one of my first posts, about a year ago, was concerning the gift of grace that God gives us. It's one of those topics that I can't seem to get my mind fully around, and it's one that God is continually having to pursue me and change my thinking on. I tend to be overly organized to the point of it being slightly obsessive and compulsive. I plan everything....everything. I do the things I need to do to get the results that I desire. It's that simple, or at least I so often foolishly believe. I think that's what makes grace so difficult for me to grasp. It is a free gift that I have done nothing to deserve. Nothing I do will make God love me more and nothing I can do will make me love Him less. His love is unchanging and never failing, and His grace is no different.

In a taped sermon that Des and I listened to the other day, we learned that the words "gift" and "grace"come from the same Greek word of "charis." I think that's so cool. You can't separate the idea of grace being a free gift. That is just what it is. No matter how complicated we make grace, we can know that to God it is so simple.

Desarae focused on talking about repentance tonight, and her first question was just defining what exactly it means to repent? Growing up I was always taught that it means "to turn away" from the sin in your life. I think that's true, but somewhere along the way, I think we've forgotten to learn what it is that we're turning to.

In Numbers 21, we read kind of an interesting story about Moses and the Israelites. Snakes come into the Israelite camp and Moses instructs those who are bitten to simply look at this bronze snake and they will be healed. Many of those people no doubt thought Moses was crazy and didn't trust that it would work so they didn't try. Others maybe doubted the potency of the snake's poison and didn't think it was serious enough to pay attention to. Still others were so freaked out by the snake bite that they were running around like chickens with their heads cut off, frantically trying everything except for the one thing that would actually heal. Then of course there were some who just sat and cried about their pain and trouble without taking any steps towards healing.

Isn't this how we are with the sin in our life and the grace that God offers? John 3:14 compares the way that Moses raised up the bronze snake for healing to the way that Jesus was lifted up on the cross for our healing. But too often we don't trust that his grace is enough. Or perhaps we don't think the sin in our life is serious enough to pay attention to. Then some of us are so freaked out by all the sin that we try every counselor and read every self-help book before looking to the one true healer. Then there are those of us, and I think this is where I all too often fall, that are so distraught and guilt-ridden over their sins that they can't even bear to lift their tear-filled eyes to the cross.

When we repent and turn away from sin in our life, the only place to turn for true healing and change is the cross. I love the quote at the top of the page. Instead of beating ourselves up over and over again and letting the guilt get the best of us, why don't we let Jesus do what he does best? God sent Jesus to earth to save us while we were still sinners, and Jesus saves us again and again everyday...while we are still sinning. God's plan is not for us to figure out the plan to stop sinning on our own, and then turn to the cross. His plan is for us to turn to the cross and then allow him to work in our life giving us the power to live a life that is led by the Spirit, rather than our sinful nature. Too often as humans we do it all backwards. We try to get our life in order before we turn back to God, rather than turning back to God and allowing the only one who is capable to put our life back in order.

I've learned this year that there is so much that I desire to change in my life, or things that I want to be different, that I am simply not capable of doing on my own. A discouraging thought until I read verses like Ephesians 3:20, that remind me that God's power within me will accomplish more than I could ever dream of. Thank God for His grace that He gives daily. Thank God for loving us in our brokenness and not requiring a perfect heart, but simply one that is contrite. Thank God for giving us His son, the true healer and the only one to turn to when we are turning away from the sin in our life. Thank God for His power that enables us to defeat our sinful nature and live by the Spirit. Thank God for the Crucified.

Village day

For the past few months, we've been working with some of the youth from church to plan a youth program (kind of like a youth rally) that we can take to different villages to encourage the youth there. It's been kind of a slow process, trying to figure out times to get together with everyone's different schedules as well as not meeting for a few weeks during Christmas. But today was the big day...the day of finally going to our first village to put on the program.

The day was all about learning to trust God, and Matthew 6:33 was kind of our theme verse. There were a few skits, lots of songs, and of course an impromptu message of encouragement from both Des and I, because what would a village day be without being put on the spot at least once. :)

It was really awesome to see this program come together because we've definitely had our doubts along the way. It all started with an idea that Scott and Shane had, and we just kind of ran with it. We wanted to design it in such a way that the youth can continue doing this even after we leave and go home. It couldn't have worked out better. Because most youth in the villages don't speak English, Des and I can't even be involved in a skit or anything. So we don't do anything in the program. We basically just helped plan it, but the town youth are completely in charge of it. It was really cool to sit back and watch them get excited about it and get into the skits. They did a great job, and even though I couldn't understand everything they were saying, they still made me laugh quite a few times. (I've tried to put up pictures, but the internet is being really slow. So just check out my new album on picasa.)

On the ride home, Livingston, one of the youth leaders and for sure the funniest in the skits, turned around all excited and full of passion. He told us that he and Dennis, another leader, really want to keep this going after we leave. It brought tears to my eyes to see how on fire he was for this, and to know that God working in the youth here. I have no doubt that this will continue after we leave and that is so cool. It's not about us, and God reminded me of that today.

The Refining Process

Malachi 3:3- "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study. That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention any-thing about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.” She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."

My aunt sent me this email a few weeks ago and last night Des talked about it at Bible Study. I think it's one of the coolest things that I've ever heard. God holds us the entire time we're in the fire, and He doesn't take us out until he sees himself reflected in our lives. Once again, God is in control. I just think this is an awesome story, and it brings me to tears every time I hear it.

I was once again reminded of God's faithfulness last night. Des asked us to share stories of a time in our life when we were being refined. I shared a story of a recent time in the fire, and Rachel, one of our best friends here, looked at me with tears in her eyes and went on to echo a similar experience in her life. Ten minutes before Bible study, I read an email from a dear friend who is also being refined in a similar way right now. Today I'm reminded that God calls us to the fire, but he promises us that we'll never be alone. He is ALWAYS with us, and lately I've been reminded of the way that he is constantly surrounding us with his people. Thank God for friends and for putting them in our lives at just the right time.

Mountain Moving Faith

My faith has been challenged a lot lately. Part of it has to do with the Beth Moore study that I'm doing. Part of it has to do with studying the Bible with a friend of ours, who asks deep questions and really makes me think about what I truly believe. Part of it just has to do with life, and the situations that I'm faced with. I've said it before, and I'll say it again...be careful what you pray for. A few weeks ago Des led Bible study with our church girls and she really challenged us all to pray for God to put us in situations that would test our faith. It was a great message, and it has really been resonating in my heart and mind for the past few weeks. Since then, I've made it a daily prayer that God would increase my faith, no matter what that takes. I've been praying for situations that will test my faith, refine it, and bring me out looking more like him on the other side. I've been praying for mountain-moving faith; faith that takes God at his word and believes he is capable of the things he promises. I joked with D-rae the other day that I'm mad at her for that great lesson because since I've been praying that prayer, God has definitely been testing my faith. This kind of testing isn't always fun, but it's always worthwhile.

I love how the Psalmist encourages us in Psalm 66:10 and 12. You have tested us, O God; you have purified us like silver...We went through fire and flood, but you brought us to a place of great abundance. I know that I haven't always passed the tests that God has put before me, but I'm thankful that when I do, I can rest assured that there is something great to come. The two words that stick out to me in those verses are "purified" and "abundance." The testing of my faith purifies me, and the end result is more abundant that I could ever imagine. I just think that's a cool promise to really let sink in and believe.

I was reading in John this morning and something stuck out to me for the first time. The scene comes from chapter 2 when Jesus is at a wedding feast with his mom and disciples. You all know the story. As my New Living translation says "The wine supply ran out during the festivities..." (I don't know why but that makes me laugh a little.) Mary turns to Jesus and says "They have no more wine." Now I don't just picture her stating this as a conversation starter or to fill Jesus in on the current situation. In my mind, Mary is saying "Ok son. This party is about to die without some wine. I know you're capable of doing something about it so could you take care of it?" The significant thing is that this is Jesus' first miracle. He hasn't walked on water, healed the sick, made the lame to walk, or calmed the storm yet. Everyone knows he is special, but he hasn't started displaying his miraculous powers just yet. At first Jesus says it's not his time, but apparently Mary won't take no for an answer. As soon as Jesus declines the opportunity to shine, Mary turns to his disciples and orders them to do whatever Jesus tells them. She's a persistent lady apparently.

I just love Mary in this story. She knows her son is the son of God, and she knows he is capable of incredible things, even though she has not yet witnessed them. She puts him on the spot by telling him about the situation, and then she includes his disciples in on it even though he claims that his time has not yet come. I also love that she believes he can do something about the problem without ever seeing him perform a miracle. She believes without seeing, and she believes wholeheartedly. As we continue reading in the story, it seems that Jesus changes his mind and decides his time as come...it's time for a miracle. I wonder if his plans changed because of the great faith of Mary or maybe her persistancy. Hmmm.....

The best part of the story is that the wine Jesus made was the best wine of the night. This choice wine would've normally been brought out first, and then the not-so-good wine saved for when everyone was too far gone to notice the difference. But Jesus not only made wine, he made the best wine. Jesus is capable of so much more than even his mother or his disciples could have imagined, and I am convinced that he is capable of so much more than we could ever imagine today. I'm convinced that if we believe in him wholeheartedly, the outcome will be the best, not just good, but the best. I'm challenging myself and encouraging you to believe the impossible today. Imagine the unimaginable, and then sit back and watch God work. He will, and you'll be changed.

God S.T.O.P.

My mom and Dave got me the Beth Moore "Believing God" Bible study for Christmas, and let me just say that it is already rockin' my world. I just started it on Monday, and it's challenging my thinking and my faith so much in just a few short days. One of my favorite parts about the study is that it is designed for you to do part of it first thing in the morning, and then finish it right before you go to bed. This has really helped me to focus my thoughts all day long. The part that you do before bed is called a God S.T.O.P. This stands for moments in the day when you were able to Savor The Observable Presence of God. It's designed to make you more aware of the times that God answers prayers or reveals his presence to us in small or big ways throughout the day. It's been really good for me lately to be looking for those times from God, and it's made me more thankful for just how active he is in my life. I wanted to share a couple God S.T.O.P's from my day today. The first one is kind of a long story, but stick with me. I think it will be worth it for the goosebumps that it will give you at the end.

So when Jessica was here we spent a day in our friend Trueman's village. Trueman's only male goat had been stolen the day before, and Trueman was pretty upset about it. We even spent some time driving around the village looking for it. When Jessica was leaving last Friday, she gave me some money to give to Trueman to help him buy another goat. I called Trueman on Monday to let him know and low and behold, he had found his goat. So I sent Jess an email and let her know that need was taken care of, and let her know of some other needs that we could possibly use that money for. She emailed me back just this morning to tell me to use the money wherever I saw fit.

Fast forward to this afternoon. We had a meeting with some of the youth from church, and afterwards our friend Nicholas (whose village we also visited with Jessica) asked us if he could talk to us. Now when people here ask if they can talk to you and kind of make it secretive while pulling you off to the side, that usually means they are going to be asking for money, so we saw this coming. Nicholas told us that his mom had given him some money for school fees the other day and when he was in town he had lost his wallet. He had begged another man at church for some money, but he could only cover some of it. Nicholas' mom was really upset at him for losing this money, and Nicholas was obviously upset as well.

Goosebumps spread all over my body when Nicholas told us that the amount of money that he had lost and still needed was the exact amount of money that I had in my wallet from Jessica for a special need that might arise. Nicholas was asking for a loan, but thank God that I was able to reach into my wallet, pull out the money, and give it to him as a gift that he doesn't have to repay. I explained the situation and explained that God was obviously at work here. It was even more special that Jessica was able to fill that need as Nicholas was one who opened his home to her while she was here. God is awesome, and I'm thankful for this time to savor his sweet presence today.

We came home from our youth meeting to find Gigi, our worker, hard at work in the kitchen, and our friend Florence there as well. Florence is the Gage's worker, but since they're in America, she has some extra time on her hands so she was helping Gigi with her work today. Now Gigi and Florence are both in their fifties, and they're two of the funniest people I've ever met. Put them in a room together and all you do is laugh. Florence is hilarious and still claims that she is 14 years old. Gigi calls her a liar whenever she says that. Here's an example of how hilarious they are. We gave Gigi a loaf of banana bread that we made last night and told her to share some with Florence. To this Florence responded, "Oh she will. Don't worry. If she doesn't, I will take her outside and finish her off, and then I'll finish off the bread." Yes, hilarious.

We hung out with them for about two hours, long after they were finished cooking. They talked about how they're going to miss us when we're gone, and Gigi kept talking about how she prays for God to send us good men to be our husbands (I think she's a tad concerned about our singleness :) I busted out some of my Starbuck's for them and introduced them to my favorite coffee. I think Florence's response to it was, "Oh it is very very very very fine," and of course I enjoyed sharing coffee with someone for once since D-rae hates it. We shared funny stories, and I laughed until I was crying. Then I sat there and felt God's spirit in the room and fought back tears of thankfulness for the life I'm living right now and the ways that God shows himself to me daily. I'm so thankful that we have a God who is so big and so mighty, yet small enough to make himself known to his children. The cool thing is that there are several more moments just like these that I could tell you about just from today. God is always there, but sometimes we don't take the time to look for him. I pray that today you have some God S.T.O.P's of your own. Stop and savor the observable presence.

Thoughts of Believers

I woke up today and realized that it's January 19th. How in the world did that happen? Somewhere between all the visitors, all the traveling, and all the busyness, the downward slope to the end of my time here in Uganda began. It seems like just yesterday we realized we were at the halfway point. Now it's down to three and a half months left in Mbarara, my second home. D-rae keeps telling me that I've got to stop mentioning the small amount of time we've got left because it's harder for her to live in the present here when I keep talking about the future. But for me it's just opposite. It's like everyday I have to remind myself that my time here is quickly coming to an end, so that I can remember to soak up every second of the present.

With the end in sight, it's getting to be time to start thinking about what my life after Uganda will look like. I've done my best not to think about it until now because I didn't want thoughts of the future to consume my thoughts while I'm living such a once in a lifetime experience right now. But I figure it's time to start considering options and seeing where God will take me next. This is a daunting task in many ways. It's scary to think about applying for jobs, paying bills, and being on my own for the first time. It makes me anxious to think about making big decisions such as where I'll move and where I'll start my new life. Rereading that kind of make me laugh and I'm sure many of you are confused right now wondering how much more on my own I could be than right now, living halfway around the world, away from everyone I love and everything I've ever known. The funny thing is that it's scarier to me to move somewhere in America on my own than it was for me to come to Uganda. Weird, I know.

I was reading Matthew 6, which has always been a favorite chapter of mine, the other day and something hit me for the first time. The section about worrying has been one that I've read hundreds of times in my life. I tend to worry about a lot of things, and I usually go to this passage when I need to be encouraged to trust God instead of myself. It hit me in a new way the other day. I love it when that happens. I'm convinced that this is one of the ways that God speaks to his children today...through scriptures that we've read time and time again, but for some reason we read them in a different way just this one time.

In verse 31, Jesus is reminding his disciples not to worry about everyday needs like what they will eat or what they will drink. I love the way that the beginning of verse 32 reads. These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers... Worrying about our life, our needs, our future, those are things that are characteristic of people who don't know God. Worry is a part of life for people who don't have faith in a God who takes care of his children. Jesus goes on in verse 32 to say, BUT your Heavenly Father already knows all your needs. The word 'but' signifies that there is to be a difference for those of us who claim to follow Jesus. "Worry dominates the thoughts of unbelievers, but you who believe in me are called to be different. Those who don't know me worry about everything, but you can trust that I will take care of you. Life is full of unexpected turns and many are anxious about the future, but trust in me because I know ALL of your needs." This is what I claim to believe and this is what I hear God whispering to me daily, but still I worry, and at times I still live like one who doesn't know God. Worry dominates my thoughts many times just like it dominates the thoughts of those who don't believe in God at all.

I've always read Matthew 6 and realized that it's not good to worry. But now I'm reading Matthew 6 and realizing how bad it is to worry. When I worry, I'm not having faith in a God that I profess to believe in. When I worry, I'm once again trying to take control of my life back from the only one who is truly in control. When I worry, my faith is in myself rather than in my God.

Worrying is something that is easy for me to do and hard for me to stop, but I'm choosing to fight the anxieties this time around. I'm choosing to daily surrender the future to God and wait patiently for him to open the doors that need to be opened. I trust my life in his hands completely, and I don't trust it in my hands one bit. He is in control and he knows all of my needs. I read a dear friend's blog today and was reminded once again of the fact that God is in control. The plans for my future are not mine, but they are his. God planned for me to come to Uganda and he made that 100% clear to me. I felt called and led here, and I have no doubt that is preparing a place for me and preparing me for the place that he will take me next.

Back to Normalcy

The past month has been incredibly busy and incredibly wonderful. It started with Mom and Dave coming for a week and a half right around Christmas. Even though their trip was cut short because of all the canceled flights, we packed everything into the time they had here, and it was great. We took them to several villages, and I was so proud of the way that they handled the uncomfortable and different experiences. Neither of them were just huge fans of the food, but they ate it like a champ 4 different times. We also went on a safari and saw all the major animals that you can see at Queen Elizabeth. I don't have time to tell all the funny stories from that day but a few include my mom getting dangerously close to both a lion and a hippo and communicating to some of the elephants in a language that only she knows. It was a great day and we laughed a ton.

Mom and Dave also got to experience a float trip through grade 1 and 2 rapids on the Nile River. They were both a little nervous, and we couldn't convince them to get in and swim with us, but overall they were tough. We also ate dinner overlooking the Nile and watched a beautiful sunset. Even though they were only here for a short time, they got to see so many different parts of Uganda. God blessed us with safe travels (which is a miracle if you ask them) and he took care of us when Uganda was experiencing a serious fuel crisis. God is so good to his children.

I loved sharing my home here with them, but my favorite part of having them here was definitely getting to share Christmas with them, even if it was a little late. And no I'm not talking about the gifts that they brought from many of you (Thank you SO much by the way. You guys helped to make us feel very loved!). I'm talking about sharing our experience of giving gifts and having a Christmas party with our Ugandan friends. They got to see the joy on our friends' faces when we gave them their gifts. I know that God showed Mom and Dave a lot through this trip, and I think much of it came through experiencing the joy that our friends have despite the hard things that they deal with on a daily basis.

Two days after Mom and Dave left, my lifelong friend Jessica Sloan came to visit. I've known her since I was about 8 when we met at church camp. She is one of those old friends who knows everything about me and loves me anyways. I was SO excited to have her here and be able to share Uganda with her. While she was here we went to 2 villages, went on yet another safari, and spent a few days with our other church camp friend Jody in Jinja. It was so good to see her and share our lives together for a few weeks in person rather than through email. I'm so thankful for a friend who is willing to make the trip all the way to Uganda to share in my life in this way. I am so blessed to have her in my life. God really blessed our time together, and he continues to teach us more about life in him.

After this busy month, I could not be more thankful or more tired. It was such a huge blessing to have people that I love come spend time with me here in Mbarara. It's great to know that when I go back to the states, at least three people, four including Desarae, will be able to understand more about this place because they have spent time here. That is a huge gift that I am so grateful for. Now it's back to normal life here in Mbarara. We start teaching on Tuesday after a month off, and all of our friends come back from holiday in about a week. So the hostel won't be empty for much longer, and we're so excited to start our weekly bible studies up again. Right now we're enjoying a few days of rest and a long time without traveling anywhere! I'm so thankful for a home here in Mbarara that feels so much like home to me. It's great to be home, and it's great to have so many wonderful memories from the last month.