Missing Out

The countdown is down to a week. It's so hard to believe that it's almost here. I've known that I've wanted to go spend a year in Uganda, since last July...the first time that I heard about this mission opportunity. Now, here I am, a week away from actually getting to experience it. I think one of the things that I'm most excited about is actually getting to see everything that I've been imagining for the last year. I'm ready to see my apartment. I'm ready to see what Uganda looks like. I'm ready to meet the rest of the team. But most of all, I'm ready to see what God is going to do in the next year. I'm ready to see how he's going to stretch me and challenge me. I can't wait.

As excited as I am to go, I am equally as sad to be leaving. The past two weeks have been full of spending time with loved ones and trying to soak up all these moments that have to last me for a year. I could go on and on and on about the friends that I will miss, but tonight I'm choosing to write about my two beautiful nieces. Now before any of the rest of you get too hurt remember 2 things....1) I have recent pictures of them and this post is also my attempt to learn how to post pictures on this thing. And 2) They're both less than 2 years old and much cuter than anyone else I know.

Just like most aunts, I'm convinced that my nieces are the two most beautiful, funniest, and smartest girls ever to walk on this earth. I've been able to spend some time with each of them in the last few months, and it's been such a blessing to have that time when I think of all the time that I'm about to have to spend away from them. There is just something about missing out on an entire year of a toddler's life that is a little different than missing out on a year of just anyone's life. I feel sure that when I come back in a year most of my friends and family are going to be pretty much the same. They'll act about the same and look pretty much the same. But that's not the case with little ones. They change so much in a month, let alone an entire year. They'll be talking so much more and they'll look so much more grown up. That is what makes leaving them especially hard. I hate that I'm going to miss out on so much of their young lives.

Sidney is almost 22 months old and I was blessed to spend a week with her and my sister and brother-in-law back in March. I went to visit them in Maryland for my spring break and had an awesome time. It was so great to just be able to have those last moments with her before I'm gone for the year. She's growing up so fast and she has so much personality. She would wake up every morning that I was there and one of the first things she'd say was, "Betsy, downstairs." My sister would try to keep her distracted for about an hour so I could sleep until at least 8:30 or so and then I would wake up to Sid's sweet voice. I never wake up in such a great mood as I do when she wakes me up. Kennedy will turn 2 on June 7th, the day that I arrive in Mbarara. It's hard enough to miss her 2nd birthday by only 2 days, but it makes it even harder when my sister tells me that when she mentions the birthday party to Kennedy she replies with "Betsy coming! Betsy coming!" I hate that I'm missing it and I hate that she's old enough to know that I'm missing it. But I feel pretty sure that as soon as she sees the Dora cake, Dora doll house, Dora umbrella, Dora toys (she's slightly obsessed with Dora), she'll quickly be quite alright with the fact that I'm not there.

Even though I'll miss my girls, I know that they're going to be taken care of. God has blessed them both with the greatest parents they could have ever hoped for. I am so blessed not only to be in the lives of such sweet girls, but to be able to see incredible examples of what it means to raise your children in a Godly manner from day 1. I'm thankful for my sisters and brother-in-laws and the things that they teach me daily. And all I have to say about missing my nieces is thank God for the invention of a web cams and ichat!

The Power of God

I realize that the beginning of my blogging experience probably leaves much to be desired to anyone who checks this thing regularly since I haven't posted since February 5th. I've thought about posting so many times, and wanted to, but either couldn't find the time to sit down and devote all of my thoughts to it, or I just felt like what I had to say wasn't worth writing. These past few months have been a whirlwind of finishing up college, saying goodbyes, and preparing to leave the life that I've known on a journey of the unknown. Forget the excuses though. I do promise to be better once I'm actually in Uganda...don't worry Mom.

Admist the craziness of the past 3 months came a little day called "College Graduation." I graduated from college on Saturday and had one of the most emotional days of my life. First of all, it didn't even feel like I was graduating because I had been student teaching for the past 12 weeks and had not been taking classes. While everyone else was going to their last day of class forever, or cramming for their last final ever, I was just going to school like any other day. It's amazing how that kind of routine can take you out of the "last week of school" feeling. So not only did it not really feel like it was time to be graduating, but man, I did not want it to be time to graduate. Most people can't wait for graduation. They're ready to be done with classes, get out of ________ (insert boring college city), and move on with their life. The only thing I can relate with there is being done with classes. I am so glad that I never have to write another stupid paper on the history of a queen in Europe that no one has ever even heard of. Or take another comprehensive final on things that I'm pretty sure we never even covered in the first place. I will not miss that at all, and if I do, I'll be shocked. But as far as the rest of those things, I can't relate to them at all. Driving out of Searcy was one of the hardest things I've done in a long time. I've been living in that town for the past 4 years, and really for the past 2 years straight minus a few Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks, because I stayed there last summer. I've made relationships with families and people there that will forever be special to me. As excited as I am to go to Uganda, I still don't know that I was "ready" to move on. Harding is such a special place and has really changed my life. I've met the most incredible people there, experienced the most incredible things, and I wasn't ready to give that up. So you could say that maybe I wasn't the typical college graduate. I said some goodbyes to friends, not knowing when I'll see them again. I cried more than I smiled. It was a hard day and at day's end, I felt pretty numb.

I say all that to give you an idea of the kind of emotions that I've been experiencing lately. Sadness, numbness, fear, anxieties. You name it, and I've probably had it. But one emotion that has been a constant for me, and one that seems out of place in the above list, is peace. I have such a peace about where I'm at in life. I have such a peace about where I've been and where I'm going. The only reason that I have that peace is because of prayer.

So often we hear people, and we ourselves even talk about the power of prayer. I heard someone say once that it's not prayer that it is powerful, but it's the God behind it who holds the power. That really stuck with me and it's something that I've tried to change my thinking on. Prayer is a great thing. But why? It's not great because of the words that we say or how often we do it. It's only great because God is listening. It's great because God holds the power to work through our prayers. Since October when I first decided to go to Uganda, I know that people all over have been praying for me. During times when I struggled to pray about it on my own, I always had the assurance that people all over were praying for me. As I said goodbye to a friend's dad on Saturday, who I have come to really love and respect over the last year, he hugged me and told me that people all over, people that I'd never even met before, were praying for me. What an incredible thought. There are probably people all over the world remembering me and lifting me up to God. I get emails almost everyday of people wishing me well, and they always close with "I'm praying for you." I can't tell you what that does for my feeling of peace. Knowing that so many different people are lifting me up in prayer, gives me a peace that I can't describe.

So I guess the conclusion of this long rambling is really pretty simple. Thank you for praying for me. I know that this next year is going to be amazing, but I also know that it won't be perfect. I know that there will be times when maybe I'm struggling to pray for myself. It's in those times especially that I will be thankful for all of my prayer warriors. Your prayers mean so much to me, and I'm just so grateful that you are giving God a chance to show His power.