My Heart's Desire

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do,
but what I hate I do.
Romans 7:15

Can anyone completely relate to this verse besides me? I feel like this verse is my thought at the end of each day. It resonates in my mind as I lay down and think about the day. It seems like each day I wake up with such good intentions. I intend to start my day in prayer and studying the Bible. I intend to love others around me unconditionally. I intend to prioritize my life around God, who should never leave the forefront of my mind. I intend to see others the way that God does rather then through my own judgmental eyes. I intend to not live in the past but rather be fully in the present. I intend so many good things throughout the day, but how many of them do I actually do.

I think that Paul was really bearing his heart for all of us in this verse. This continual failure and struggle that he admits is something that I'm all too often too proud to let others know about myself. But at the same time, it's one of my biggest struggles. I really appreciate what was shared in chapel this morning. A guy who has been a Christian all his life, grown up as a preacher's kid, and has really never known anything else other than the Christian life, shared his story. Even though that's a great way to be brought up, it carries with it some dangers that he identified. The one that I really can relate to is the danger of becoming lukewarm in the life that you've always known. That's so easy to do and I feel like the above verse is simply the action that manifests itself from the feeling of being lukewarm. When we're not truly passionately seeking God and we're content to just kind of slide by, we start doing things that we don't really desire to do.

I strongly believe that seeking God, spending time with him, and following him wholeheartedly cuts down on this painful disappointment of always falling short of our intentions. Do I think that it completely removes this struggle? Absolutely not. I think it's something that is always going to be hard, no matter where you're at in your Christian walk, but it's encouraging to me that Paul wrote about this battle within himself centuries ago. Obviously it was something that was important enough to him to write about, and also something that he struggled with. Paul, one of the most passionate, zealous, and most ACTIVE early Christians, fell into the sin of complacency and inactivity. He himself struggled with his actions not lining up with his desires. That's encouraging to me. I think it's so easy for us to think that we're the only ones who struggle with a particular sin. That's so untrue and I think another lie that Satan leads us to believe in order to keep us from sharing our burdens with one another. I would venture to say that most Christians struggle with this and that comforts me.

I think it's safe to say that sharing some sort of song lyric is going to be a constant fixture in these blog ramblings of mine. I love music and I really feel like so many songs have such wise things to say. They often seem to say them much better than I can so I figure, why keep rambling, when they've already said it best. And let me just put in a plug for using the random feature on Itunes. It's amazing the songs that "randomly" pop up just when you need to hear them.

This one is by my favorite artist, Sara Groves. Let me tell you that this woman knows how to write lyrics, and I think she has a song out there for every thing I've ever felt. This one is called "Hello Lord," and it's her talking to God after being gone from him for awhile.

I don't doubt your sovereignty. I doubt my own ability to hear what you're saying and to do the right thing. And I desparately want to do the right thing. But right now i don't hear so well and I was wondering if you could speak up.

My simple prayer today is that I listen to God and what he's trying to tell me. Maybe then I can live out the way that my heart desires for me to live.