Thoughts of Believers

I woke up today and realized that it's January 19th. How in the world did that happen? Somewhere between all the visitors, all the traveling, and all the busyness, the downward slope to the end of my time here in Uganda began. It seems like just yesterday we realized we were at the halfway point. Now it's down to three and a half months left in Mbarara, my second home. D-rae keeps telling me that I've got to stop mentioning the small amount of time we've got left because it's harder for her to live in the present here when I keep talking about the future. But for me it's just opposite. It's like everyday I have to remind myself that my time here is quickly coming to an end, so that I can remember to soak up every second of the present.

With the end in sight, it's getting to be time to start thinking about what my life after Uganda will look like. I've done my best not to think about it until now because I didn't want thoughts of the future to consume my thoughts while I'm living such a once in a lifetime experience right now. But I figure it's time to start considering options and seeing where God will take me next. This is a daunting task in many ways. It's scary to think about applying for jobs, paying bills, and being on my own for the first time. It makes me anxious to think about making big decisions such as where I'll move and where I'll start my new life. Rereading that kind of make me laugh and I'm sure many of you are confused right now wondering how much more on my own I could be than right now, living halfway around the world, away from everyone I love and everything I've ever known. The funny thing is that it's scarier to me to move somewhere in America on my own than it was for me to come to Uganda. Weird, I know.

I was reading Matthew 6, which has always been a favorite chapter of mine, the other day and something hit me for the first time. The section about worrying has been one that I've read hundreds of times in my life. I tend to worry about a lot of things, and I usually go to this passage when I need to be encouraged to trust God instead of myself. It hit me in a new way the other day. I love it when that happens. I'm convinced that this is one of the ways that God speaks to his children today...through scriptures that we've read time and time again, but for some reason we read them in a different way just this one time.

In verse 31, Jesus is reminding his disciples not to worry about everyday needs like what they will eat or what they will drink. I love the way that the beginning of verse 32 reads. These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers... Worrying about our life, our needs, our future, those are things that are characteristic of people who don't know God. Worry is a part of life for people who don't have faith in a God who takes care of his children. Jesus goes on in verse 32 to say, BUT your Heavenly Father already knows all your needs. The word 'but' signifies that there is to be a difference for those of us who claim to follow Jesus. "Worry dominates the thoughts of unbelievers, but you who believe in me are called to be different. Those who don't know me worry about everything, but you can trust that I will take care of you. Life is full of unexpected turns and many are anxious about the future, but trust in me because I know ALL of your needs." This is what I claim to believe and this is what I hear God whispering to me daily, but still I worry, and at times I still live like one who doesn't know God. Worry dominates my thoughts many times just like it dominates the thoughts of those who don't believe in God at all.

I've always read Matthew 6 and realized that it's not good to worry. But now I'm reading Matthew 6 and realizing how bad it is to worry. When I worry, I'm not having faith in a God that I profess to believe in. When I worry, I'm once again trying to take control of my life back from the only one who is truly in control. When I worry, my faith is in myself rather than in my God.

Worrying is something that is easy for me to do and hard for me to stop, but I'm choosing to fight the anxieties this time around. I'm choosing to daily surrender the future to God and wait patiently for him to open the doors that need to be opened. I trust my life in his hands completely, and I don't trust it in my hands one bit. He is in control and he knows all of my needs. I read a dear friend's blog today and was reminded once again of the fact that God is in control. The plans for my future are not mine, but they are his. God planned for me to come to Uganda and he made that 100% clear to me. I felt called and led here, and I have no doubt that is preparing a place for me and preparing me for the place that he will take me next.