Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Just Go

I knew that God had brought me to the right place when I found out that all (well...most) of the members of the team here also consider "Dumb and Dumber" to be their favorite movie. I love that movie, and I love that for our last time together with the team on this upcoming Saturday, we will be watching that movie together one more time. One of my favorite parts of the movie is when Lloyd is dropping Mary off at the airport and as she starts to say something, he pushes his finger to her lips and all dramatically says, "Just go." It cracks me up, but more seriously, it is something that I've been thinking about a lot lately as I am approaching an exciting, yet uncertain transition in my future. Just a year ago, I was facing the uncertainty of journeying to a place I'd never been before to live with people I'd never met. Now I'm facing the uncertainty of journeying back to a place I call home to be with those that know me the best and love me anyways.

It's not that I'm unsure about America, but it's more that I'm unsure about myself in America again. I've changed in a lot of ways this year, and I feel funny confessing this, but in some ways I feel like I've forgotten how it works to live in America. Here's a few examples. I've gotten so used to using cash everywhere here, that I've totally forgotten how credit cards work. Today I was trying to confirm online that I could pay with a credit card for the hotel in London. Duh Betsy. The other day in school I was reading a book to the little girls, and I pronounced the word "mosquito" the way that Ugandans pronounce it, which is incidentally quite different then I've pronounced it for the first 22 years of my life. D-rae is planning a trip to Searcy for when she gets back and she was accidentally planning each day of traveling so that she would arrive at her destination before dark, without realizing that it's actually ok to be on the roads in America after the sun goes down. These are just a few funny examples, but it really is overwhelming at times to think about living the American life that I've always known after experiencing a year of so many differences here in Uganda.

In addition to the unknowns about reentering life in America, there are still so many unknowns about my future. Where will I live? What will my job be? Will I have a job? In the midst of all of these transitions, I've been trying to live a lot less by doubts and a lot more by faith. But I am still so weak and so faithless despite the great faithfulness of my Father. Today I got a good wake-up call through Psalm 106. This whole chapter kind of recaps the Israelites in the wilderness and their constant rollercoaster of faith: believing in God and then doubting him...worshiping Him and then turning around and worshiping a golden calf. Their faith was constantly changing, just like mine. God used verse 24 to speak to me today.

The people refused to enter the pleasant land, for they wouldn't believe his promise to care for them.

I wonder how often I do that in my life. How often do I hang back and miss out on the "pleasant land" because I'm too busy listening to my doubts instead of trusting His promises? Why do I so often linger and question where God is taking me instead of just going on the belief that He goes with me? Right now at this time in my life, I don't want to be like the Israelites. I don't want to miss out on the blessing of the Promised Land because my faith is too weak. Instead as I journey back home and continue this journey of life, I want the belief that God will be there to care for me to be more than enough. And it should. He has never given me any reason to doubt, but has only given me hundreds of reasons to believe. He will care for me, and that's all the assurance I need in this time of uncertainty.

So maybe I'll make some funny mistakes when I get back to America. I'll probably try to warm up leftovers in the oven while forgetting that a microwave is actually quicker. Drinking out of a faucet might freak me out for awhile, and being out after dark will probably make me feel a little rebellious. But I'm just going to go. I'm going to go and trust that God will be with me in the hard times of adjustment just as much as He'll be with me in the joyous reunions with family and friends. Speaking of reunions, how about 19 days?!?!?!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Picture Update

I figured that looking at pictures might be more fun. Here are a few pictures from the last month or so. Clicking on one of the pictures will take you to my picasa site where there are several more. So here is update #2...



Me standing in the middle of a matooke plantation at my friend Trueman's house



Eating my last meal with Trueman and his wife Peace



Saying goodbye to Bernard's family



D-rae and I doing our best to act Ugandan at our Ugandan themed team party.



We went on a team retreat to this great place called the Kingfisher Lodge, which overlooks Queen Elizabeth National Park.



A view of our banda overlooking the game park. Ours was second from the right.




A little update

I realized the other day that I hadn't written on my blog in a long time. There have been plenty of times where I've wanted to share something or update you on a part of my journey, but life here has been incredibly busy the last few weeks. I don't know how it happened, but suddenly we're down to only three weeks left in Uganda. That is so hard for me to believe. As much as I'm trying to savor every moment and not let it pass me by, I still feel like the time is flying. All along, D-rae and I have talked about how busy April would be, but now that it's here, it's even crazier than I expected. Ok, let me try to briefly update you on the last month or so.

We welcomed new teammates in the Hutton family on March 11, and we've been enjoying spending time with them and getting to know them these past few weeks. Last week we did our last big touristy adventure and went gorilla trekking. Awesome and worth every hard earned penny we spent. Each Thursday in April we've been going to a different village and spending time with a family that we've gotten especially close to. So the goodbyes have started and they are not fun or easy. This Thursday we are spending the day with Gigi, and while I'm looking forward to spending the day with her, I'm not looking forward to having to say goodbye to her in a few weeks. This past Sunday and Monday we went on a quick team retreat to the Kingfisher Lodge near Queen Elizabeth National Park. It was great to spend some time with some of the people who have come to mean so much to me and supported me so much this past year. Again, not a goodbye I'm looking forward to.

The next few weeks will be equally as busy. We've got more goodbyes planned as well as our last day of school next week. The kids are coming over for their last sleepover on Friday, and we're going to spend the night in our last village next week. We're also going to an island for a 4 days womens' retreat with all the missionaries in East Africa. We've got all of our last Bible studies and time with friends planned. Basically it is going to be a whirlwind these next few weeks and I'm going to be back in the States before I know it.

It's incredible the mixed emotions that I have right now. I am so sad to be leaving this life and leaving the dear friends I've made. I will forever take with me precious memories of this year and the lessons that God has taught me along the way. I know I'll never have an experience like this one, and I will eagerly anticipate my visits back to Uganda in the future. But at the same time, I don't think I've ever been so excited about an approaching date...May 10th!!!! I can't wait to see my family, my friends, and all of you who have supported me in this journey. I can't wait to be a phone call away and within driving distance of everyone that I have missed so dearly this year. I can't wait to play with my nieces and meet my new niece and nephew. But most of all, I can't wait to share with you what God has done and the ways He has changed me. I can't wait.

In the past, I haven't always handled being busy in the best way. I seem to get so focused on the things that need to get done, that I forget to do the most important things. I get so worn out and so tired that I feel like I don't have the strength to go on. This time around I'm trying to be different. I've spent a lot of time praying about my last few weeks here, and I'm really praying for God to bless it. I'm exhausted, but I'm praying for God to give me a strength that only comes from Him. I'm praying for his Spirit to fill me all the time, but especially when I feel worn out with nothing left to give. In his great mercy, He's been teaching me a lot lately about just how helpless I am without him. This year would have been nothing except that God was in it and controlling it. No good was done by me, but only by God. I've realized lately just how fully dependent I am on God, and how much I fail every time I try to do things on my own. My prayer for these next few weeks is that I fully surrender my time left in Uganda to the one who's been controlling it all along. This year has been incredible, and I've been blown away by God's faithfulness, and I know the next three weeks will be no different.

Many of you have emailed and asked what you can pray for specifically in these last few weeks. I'd like to take you guys up on that offer and just list a few prayer requests as my time comes to an end. Thanks for being such prayer warriors.

- For me to live fully present in Uganda, even though I am so anticipating the future.
- All the goodbyes that we will be saying
- My future as I look for a job and continue to seek God's leading in the next phase of my life
- Desarae's time at home with family and going back to Harding in the fall
- The continued work here in southwestern Uganda, and for God to continue to raise up more workers for this field
- Our transition back into American culture and American life
- That God receives all the glory for what He has done in the past year