Wandering in the wilderness

I think I've been getting more out of our Bible lessons in school the past few weeks than my kids have. We're studying Hebrews 11, and we're calling it our "Faith Hall of Fame" study. (I figured that was one way to get the attention of my kids, since 3 out of my 4 students are sports-crazed boys.) It's been really great for me to take a closer look at some of those Old Testament stories that we've all heard a hundred times before. That's one of my favorite things about teaching...the fact that I get to learn things again and that they stick so much better now that I'm the one teaching rather than the one learning. So last week we talked a little bit about Moses and the Israelites wandering in the wilderness after God led them out of Egypt and out of captivity. We had talked about the great faith of Moses with the burning bush and with the 10 plagues the week before and last week was more of an example of what faith sometimes looks like when it wavers. It hit me in a completely new way just how much I am like the Israelites in my unsteady, ever-changing, always failing faith.

When I was reading the story to my kids, they couldn't believe, almost as much as I couldn't believe, how much the Israelites doubted God even though he continually met all their needs and gave them everything they could ever need. I was reading it thinking to myself, "This is incredible. These people are so stupid." The Israelites needed to be free so God sends ten plagues. They need to cross a sea so God holds back the powerful water for them. They are hungry so God sends them manna every morning. Water, how about out of a rock? I read these stories and I question how they could ever doubt God's faithfulness. I wonder how they could ever worry about being taken care of, when God mets their needs perfectly. I question why the time in the wilderness was not more a time of growth than it was. Why did they still doubt? Where was their faith? God gently and quietly humbled me throughout this very self-righteous, judgmental time, by revealing to me that I am no better than those Israelites. In fact, my faith is much weaker.

God does the same things in my life. He meets my needs daily. Sure it's not always in a can't believe your eyes, drop your jaw sort of way, but it is no less miraculous or amazing than it was with the Israelites. God has never once let me down. I let him down daily, but He picks me back up without hesitation. Gods knows my heart and He knows my needs better than I could ever express them. Why then do I still doubt his sovereignty and his supreme timing? I'm not sure, but God taught me a cool lesson about his timing this week.

I'm doing a Beth Moore study right now, and it's challenging me daily. It's on the fruit of the spirit, and this week it has concentrated on peace. All week, I've concentrated on praying for peace in several different areas of my life. I've been praying for the peace that only God can give, "which exceeds anything we can understand." I deeply desire His peace that, "will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." That has been the focus of my heart this week. There were several days where I prayed this prayer non-stop throughout the day. It was at the forefront of my mind. Yet the more I prayed for peace, the less peaceful I felt. The more I asked for God's help in the hard situations, the more turmoil I felt inside of me. But then God did something pretty amazing. At the moment when I needed his peace the most, He washed it over me. My heart was guarded and my mind was full of peace. Amidst the storm, I felt calm. It was even cooler because it was a sense of peace that I can take no credit for. This was something that I know only comes from God.

Maybe, just maybe, there is more to be said of these times of wilderness wandering that we experience. Maybe it's in those times, the times when we desperately seek God, yet can't seem to find him, that we grow the most. Maybe God is changing our heart the most in the times we can't feel it. Maybe I'm way off on all of this. I guess this week I've just been convicted again, for the one thousandth time, that God's way is always the best. His ways are higher than our ways in the big areas of our life, and even in the small ones. I prayed for peace all week. God gave it to me at just the right moment, when He knew I needed it the most. I'm just thankful that despite my unfaithfulness, God never fails.

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19