Stubbornly resisting vs. Humbly submitting

Before starting this post, I have to confess something. My love for some of the Old Testament books is not what it should be. I’ve always struggled to read through Leviticus and Numbers, and to be honest, I don’t know that I’ve ever quite made it through. So needless to say, I wasn’t too excited today when my daily Bible study directed me to Numbers 22. But God never ceases to amaze me with the way that he constantly presents me with exactly what I need to read or hear in each moment. It sometimes comes in the most unlikely places…Numbers 22…through the most unlikely circumstances….a talking donkey.

I know I’ve heard about the story of Balaam and his talking donkey before, but I don’t know that I’ve actually read it for myself. Today I did, and I couldn’t believe how much I related the donkey. Yes, I just compared myself to a donkey…stick with me. Balaam was on his way to see King Balak, who had requested that he curse the Israelites who were threatening his land. On the way, something strange happens. His donkey, who he had ridden all of his life, does three very weird things during the journey. He runs off of the path into a field, tries to squeeze through a narrow passage resulting in injury to Balaam’s foot, and finally just lays down in the road. Each action on the donkey’s part results in a beating from Balaam. Now what Balaam doesn’t know and what he can’t see, is the angel of the Lord, with sword drawn, blocking their way. He doesn’t know the reason for the donkey’s strange behavior.

I realize that most sermons, devotional thoughts, or parallels drawn from this story are usually focused on Balaam and his response in this story, but I’d like to instead focus on the donkey. I couldn’t help reading this story without realizing how much I am like this donkey. So often in this journey of life, God reveals different things to me. He opens a door of opportunity or sometimes shuts a door of possibility. He convicts me of sin in my life or makes it clear to me what obeying him really looks like. He reveals himself to me in many different ways. Often times, my first reaction is simply to bolt and run in the complete opposite direction. I either lack the faith to trust him, or I don’t want to truly follow him and choose to die to myself. Thankfully, we serve a God of pursuit, a God who loves us so much that he will do whatever it takes to get our attention at times. He might try a second time and finally get my attention enough to the point where I’m walking towards him, but I usually try to squeeze by without really truly obeying him. I try to take the shortcut, which usually only results in more pain on my part. Sometimes it takes him completely blocking my path, but even then I tend to try to find another way.

There are several things I love about this story. First of all, I think it’s interesting that every time the donkey tried to miss the angel of the Lord, he goes through tremendous pain. I think it’s the same with us. When we ignore God, turn to other things, and ultimately choose a different path, it is always painful. God is the only thing worth it in this life, and it hurts when we realize that we’ve been choosing things other than him and trying to walk the journey alone. I also love the donkey’s response to seeing the angel the third time. He lays at his feet. He submits. He gives in. This is one part of the story where I am all too often NOT like the donkey. In this scenario, I picture myself getting a running start and taking the angel out. You know that part in the Lion King where Pumba goes bowling into the big group of birds. That’s me in this situation. I all too often just bulldoze through the truth standing in my way instead of humbly submitting to what I know is best.

The coolest part of this story is, of course, when the donkey talks. I think it’s crazy. (However, it’s even crazier to me that Balaam just answers the donkey. I mean, come on, your donkey just talked to you. At least scream or something…) The words that the donkey speaks are so familiar to me. They are what I hear God gently whispering each time that I doubt him. God says to me, “But I am the same God that you have followed all your life. Have I ever let you down before?”

I so desperately desire to trust God in all aspects of my life, but he desires my faith even more. He is urging and begging me to trust him because he’s never let me down and he never will. I tend to run from his truths and try to figure things out on my own, which always results in pain, rather than relinquish control to the only one who truly knows what is best. I pray for the donkey’s response to the third time of seeing the angel. I want to lay myself down at the feet of my Lord. I want to give up control and submit myself to him. I want to be like the donkey.