Isaiah 26:8

I'm not even sure how to start this post because I have so many thoughts and feelings going through my head and heart right now. God is just working on my heart big time right now and it's taking me awhile to process through these thoughts and ideas. Let's just start with the above verse.

Lord, we show our trust in you by obeying your laws; Our heart's desire is to glorify your name.
Isaiah 26:8

Is it my heart's desire to glorify God? Or is my heart's desire to glorify Betsy? Do I desire earthly relationships more than I desire the one with my heavenly father? Do I desire controlling my life rather than trusting that God is taking care of me in everything? Do I desire the prosperity gospel, full only of blessings and joy, or do I truly desire to know Christ and share in his sufferings? Do I desire to be comfortable, never asking difficult questions, and constantly just staying in the same place, or do I truly desire to know God more everyday in a way that is constantly changing my life? These are some questions that I've really been asking myself lately. These are questions that I feel like God is putting on my heart.

One of my favorite times of the week is team worship. We all get together on Saturday afternoons to just spend a few hours in worship. We praise together and we have a time of feeding. The mission team here realized early on that it's very easy to give and give and give here, and as a result come up empty yourself. They call this time that we get together "feeding time" and I think it's extremely wise that they make it such a priority to feed themselves before they try to feed others around them. Anyways, we've been watching some videos from the Passion conference a few years ago. They have been very tough videos to watch only because the message is so real and so true, and I can't help but walk away being challenged to make changes in my life.

The message today was about being truly satisfied in God. I can't tell you how many times I have prayed that God will make the statement "God, you are all that I need." a true statement in my life. But it's hard. It's hard to give up the tangible things here on this earth that can bring us that sense of satisfaction. I recognize that it is hard, but then when I sit and think about it, I wonder why. Why is it so hard for us to give up the things of this earth? I'm not really sure actually. I've been thinking about it all day, and I can't figure it out.

God gives me such good gifts here on earth. He has blessed me with an amazing family and incredible friends that mold and shape me everyday. I truly believe that God reveals bits and pieces of himself to us through the people that He puts in our lives. He gives me all the things I need to physically survive. I have never known true hunger, and I have never been without anything that I absolutely needed to live. He gives me everything that I need, all the while waiting for me to realize that I need nothing but Him. I praise God for earthly gifts. But as good as they are, they are imperfect and they are ever-changing. We cannot depend on anything of this world. I have the greatest family in the world, but even that is not something I can always find my satisfaction in. I never in a million years thought that I would lose my dad when I was 15. But life doesn't go the way we plan, and things happen that we would never expect and never want. I know that. I know that life is full of twists and turns, yet I continue to search for satisfaction in these things that are unconstant. (I realize that is not a word, but it's 1:00 AM and I'm having a hard time here.) I just don't understand why, when I know that the things of this world are fleeting, I continually turn to them to fill my heart and my life. I desire things that, by design, cannot provide eternal satisfaction.

I'm ready to stop this pattern. I'm ready to truly be satisfied by God more than anything else in this world. I have definitely experienced seasons of intensely desiring God and truly finding satisfaction in him. I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good, and I am ready to taste again. I feel like I am learning more and more each day what it means to be truly satisfied in God. I think that the more we get a small glimpse of this life, a life of fullness and true satisfaction, the more we crave it. What a cool God we serve! He is always there waiting, even when we're searching for satisfaction elsewhere. He picks us up and dusts us off, when we're broken from another disappointment of something that we thought would give us that satisfaction. I'm so thankful for his faithfulness in me, even when I am so unfaithful to him.

One quote from the video today that I think will stick with me for awhile is that, "The things that satisfy us are ultimately the things that we glorify." If we are satisfied with a particular relationship, then we will glorify that person. If we find satisfaction in our possessions, then we will praise those that made them. I want to find satisfaction only is God and then let my maker be glorified.