Ask and Receive

I can remember a lot of things from my childhood. I remember certain holidays, birthdays, vacations...all the big things. But just as much as I remember the big, fun, exciting things, I also remember some of the small, tough things, such as the rules that my parents had. One of the rules that really stuck with me was the one about asking if a particular friend could come over and play, right in front of that friend. In my family, asking Mom and Dad if Suzie could come over and play, while Suzie was standing there and it was hard for Mom and Dad to say no....yeah, that was always a dumb decision because the answer was automatically no. But no matter how many times I fell into the trap of that rule, I kept on asking right in front of my friends. It was almost as if I was so excited to ask permission that I simply couldn't wait to ask until I was alone with just my parents. Stubborn kid + well-enforced rule=lots of tearful Sundays without a friend coming over to play

I grew up, and I would venture to say most of us did, in a home where ask was not always synonymous with receive. I knew that asking for a Milky Way while we were checking out at Wal-Mart most certainly meant that I would not get it. Those were only for when we were good, right Mom? :) I also knew that asking for a certain toy while shopping would also mean I wouldn't automatically just get it. My parents did an awesome job of teaching us that we don't always get everything that we ask for. Now before you feel sorry for me, know that my parents threw the best birthday parties and Christmas mornings of anyone I know. They just taught us the difference between getting everything we want and being thankful for the things we have. I'm so thankful for them and for the way that they stuck to the rules, even when it took stubborn little Betsy awhile to catch on.

I got away today and spent some alone time. You might think that living in Uganda, apart from most everyone I know, would create quite a bit of alone time. But the mission team has done such a great job of welcoming us here that D-rae and I actually have to intentionally take time to ourselves, which I think is a pretty awesome problem to have. I spent some time writing in my journal and processing a lot of thoughts and emotions that I've been going through. It felt so good to just spend time with God, talking to him, questioning him, but ultimately, meeting him.

God convicted me of several things today. The one that is sticking with me the most is that I simply don't pray expecting that he will answer me. I really like the way that Matthew 7:7 reads in my New Living Translation Bible. Keep on asking and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking and you will find. Keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you. How many times have I read this verse without really reading it? God promises here that asking=receiving, seeking=finding, and knocking=an opened door. Do we really believe that? Better yet, do I really believe that? Do I pray about things to God expecting that He is going to answer me?

The more I walk this journey with God, the more that I think I can answer yes to that question, but definitely not all the time, or even a majority of the time. But even when I do pray expecting God to show up and answer, I usually pray with an agenda. What I mean by that is that I pray for something and then secretly wait for God to answer it just exactly as I have planned for it to go. When he doesn't, I get upset, lose faith, and stop expecting big things. I realize as I'm typing this that none of this is new, earth-shattering conclusions. It's not even really that wise. It's just something that hit me in a new way today and I wanted to write about it.

All my life, I've heard people say, "Be careful what you wish for." But what I think is just as true is "Be careful what you pray for." God promises us that if we ask we will receive. He doesn't say we will receive just exactly as we have planned. But he does say that we will receive. I have prayed for God to stretch me and mold me into the person that he truly wants me to be a lot in the past month. I have prayed that I will truly be satisfied in only Him. I had a picture in my mind of what that would look like. You know, it was painfree and happened practically overnight. It was the easy way. Well, let me just say that God had something quite different in mind. He had joy, freedom, and grace. But he also had trials, struggles, pain, and hurt. God is God and He knows just what we need in life. He knows that I am stubborn and he knows that sometimes it takes big things to get my attention.

So often I pray about something big and something that I deeply desire, but I might not desire the way in which God chooses to answer. Is that truly praying with faith? I've been convicted today that to truly pray with faith is to accept any answer that God gives. It is to accept the obscure answers that we don't understand and the painful ones that break our hearts. It is to accept the good with the bad and the bad with the good. To truly trust God means that we will ask humbly and accept willingly. I pray that God will truly give me that kind of faith, whatever it might take.