Turn to the Cross

Rather than condemning ourselves for our weakness and making self-conscious efforts to try harder, we can allow the Crucified to love us in our brokenness.
- Brennan Manning "The Signature of Jesus"

Desarae was in charge of Bible study tonight, and let me just say that she brought it. I felt like God was speaking through her straight to my heart in such a way that I wanted to share tonight with all of you. Much of this blog comes from things she said or things that it made me think of while she was speaking and God was pricking my heart. I can't even begin to put into words how thankful I am for her friendship, and tonight was just a reminder of the many ways that God has used her to teach me in the past nine months. She is a great friend, who points me to the cross everyday, and tonight was no different.

I remember one of my first posts, about a year ago, was concerning the gift of grace that God gives us. It's one of those topics that I can't seem to get my mind fully around, and it's one that God is continually having to pursue me and change my thinking on. I tend to be overly organized to the point of it being slightly obsessive and compulsive. I plan everything....everything. I do the things I need to do to get the results that I desire. It's that simple, or at least I so often foolishly believe. I think that's what makes grace so difficult for me to grasp. It is a free gift that I have done nothing to deserve. Nothing I do will make God love me more and nothing I can do will make me love Him less. His love is unchanging and never failing, and His grace is no different.

In a taped sermon that Des and I listened to the other day, we learned that the words "gift" and "grace"come from the same Greek word of "charis." I think that's so cool. You can't separate the idea of grace being a free gift. That is just what it is. No matter how complicated we make grace, we can know that to God it is so simple.

Desarae focused on talking about repentance tonight, and her first question was just defining what exactly it means to repent? Growing up I was always taught that it means "to turn away" from the sin in your life. I think that's true, but somewhere along the way, I think we've forgotten to learn what it is that we're turning to.

In Numbers 21, we read kind of an interesting story about Moses and the Israelites. Snakes come into the Israelite camp and Moses instructs those who are bitten to simply look at this bronze snake and they will be healed. Many of those people no doubt thought Moses was crazy and didn't trust that it would work so they didn't try. Others maybe doubted the potency of the snake's poison and didn't think it was serious enough to pay attention to. Still others were so freaked out by the snake bite that they were running around like chickens with their heads cut off, frantically trying everything except for the one thing that would actually heal. Then of course there were some who just sat and cried about their pain and trouble without taking any steps towards healing.

Isn't this how we are with the sin in our life and the grace that God offers? John 3:14 compares the way that Moses raised up the bronze snake for healing to the way that Jesus was lifted up on the cross for our healing. But too often we don't trust that his grace is enough. Or perhaps we don't think the sin in our life is serious enough to pay attention to. Then some of us are so freaked out by all the sin that we try every counselor and read every self-help book before looking to the one true healer. Then there are those of us, and I think this is where I all too often fall, that are so distraught and guilt-ridden over their sins that they can't even bear to lift their tear-filled eyes to the cross.

When we repent and turn away from sin in our life, the only place to turn for true healing and change is the cross. I love the quote at the top of the page. Instead of beating ourselves up over and over again and letting the guilt get the best of us, why don't we let Jesus do what he does best? God sent Jesus to earth to save us while we were still sinners, and Jesus saves us again and again everyday...while we are still sinning. God's plan is not for us to figure out the plan to stop sinning on our own, and then turn to the cross. His plan is for us to turn to the cross and then allow him to work in our life giving us the power to live a life that is led by the Spirit, rather than our sinful nature. Too often as humans we do it all backwards. We try to get our life in order before we turn back to God, rather than turning back to God and allowing the only one who is capable to put our life back in order.

I've learned this year that there is so much that I desire to change in my life, or things that I want to be different, that I am simply not capable of doing on my own. A discouraging thought until I read verses like Ephesians 3:20, that remind me that God's power within me will accomplish more than I could ever dream of. Thank God for His grace that He gives daily. Thank God for loving us in our brokenness and not requiring a perfect heart, but simply one that is contrite. Thank God for giving us His son, the true healer and the only one to turn to when we are turning away from the sin in our life. Thank God for His power that enables us to defeat our sinful nature and live by the Spirit. Thank God for the Crucified.

Village day

For the past few months, we've been working with some of the youth from church to plan a youth program (kind of like a youth rally) that we can take to different villages to encourage the youth there. It's been kind of a slow process, trying to figure out times to get together with everyone's different schedules as well as not meeting for a few weeks during Christmas. But today was the big day...the day of finally going to our first village to put on the program.

The day was all about learning to trust God, and Matthew 6:33 was kind of our theme verse. There were a few skits, lots of songs, and of course an impromptu message of encouragement from both Des and I, because what would a village day be without being put on the spot at least once. :)

It was really awesome to see this program come together because we've definitely had our doubts along the way. It all started with an idea that Scott and Shane had, and we just kind of ran with it. We wanted to design it in such a way that the youth can continue doing this even after we leave and go home. It couldn't have worked out better. Because most youth in the villages don't speak English, Des and I can't even be involved in a skit or anything. So we don't do anything in the program. We basically just helped plan it, but the town youth are completely in charge of it. It was really cool to sit back and watch them get excited about it and get into the skits. They did a great job, and even though I couldn't understand everything they were saying, they still made me laugh quite a few times. (I've tried to put up pictures, but the internet is being really slow. So just check out my new album on picasa.)

On the ride home, Livingston, one of the youth leaders and for sure the funniest in the skits, turned around all excited and full of passion. He told us that he and Dennis, another leader, really want to keep this going after we leave. It brought tears to my eyes to see how on fire he was for this, and to know that God working in the youth here. I have no doubt that this will continue after we leave and that is so cool. It's not about us, and God reminded me of that today.

The Refining Process

Malachi 3:3- "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study. That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention any-thing about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.” She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."

My aunt sent me this email a few weeks ago and last night Des talked about it at Bible Study. I think it's one of the coolest things that I've ever heard. God holds us the entire time we're in the fire, and He doesn't take us out until he sees himself reflected in our lives. Once again, God is in control. I just think this is an awesome story, and it brings me to tears every time I hear it.

I was once again reminded of God's faithfulness last night. Des asked us to share stories of a time in our life when we were being refined. I shared a story of a recent time in the fire, and Rachel, one of our best friends here, looked at me with tears in her eyes and went on to echo a similar experience in her life. Ten minutes before Bible study, I read an email from a dear friend who is also being refined in a similar way right now. Today I'm reminded that God calls us to the fire, but he promises us that we'll never be alone. He is ALWAYS with us, and lately I've been reminded of the way that he is constantly surrounding us with his people. Thank God for friends and for putting them in our lives at just the right time.

Mountain Moving Faith

My faith has been challenged a lot lately. Part of it has to do with the Beth Moore study that I'm doing. Part of it has to do with studying the Bible with a friend of ours, who asks deep questions and really makes me think about what I truly believe. Part of it just has to do with life, and the situations that I'm faced with. I've said it before, and I'll say it again...be careful what you pray for. A few weeks ago Des led Bible study with our church girls and she really challenged us all to pray for God to put us in situations that would test our faith. It was a great message, and it has really been resonating in my heart and mind for the past few weeks. Since then, I've made it a daily prayer that God would increase my faith, no matter what that takes. I've been praying for situations that will test my faith, refine it, and bring me out looking more like him on the other side. I've been praying for mountain-moving faith; faith that takes God at his word and believes he is capable of the things he promises. I joked with D-rae the other day that I'm mad at her for that great lesson because since I've been praying that prayer, God has definitely been testing my faith. This kind of testing isn't always fun, but it's always worthwhile.

I love how the Psalmist encourages us in Psalm 66:10 and 12. You have tested us, O God; you have purified us like silver...We went through fire and flood, but you brought us to a place of great abundance. I know that I haven't always passed the tests that God has put before me, but I'm thankful that when I do, I can rest assured that there is something great to come. The two words that stick out to me in those verses are "purified" and "abundance." The testing of my faith purifies me, and the end result is more abundant that I could ever imagine. I just think that's a cool promise to really let sink in and believe.

I was reading in John this morning and something stuck out to me for the first time. The scene comes from chapter 2 when Jesus is at a wedding feast with his mom and disciples. You all know the story. As my New Living translation says "The wine supply ran out during the festivities..." (I don't know why but that makes me laugh a little.) Mary turns to Jesus and says "They have no more wine." Now I don't just picture her stating this as a conversation starter or to fill Jesus in on the current situation. In my mind, Mary is saying "Ok son. This party is about to die without some wine. I know you're capable of doing something about it so could you take care of it?" The significant thing is that this is Jesus' first miracle. He hasn't walked on water, healed the sick, made the lame to walk, or calmed the storm yet. Everyone knows he is special, but he hasn't started displaying his miraculous powers just yet. At first Jesus says it's not his time, but apparently Mary won't take no for an answer. As soon as Jesus declines the opportunity to shine, Mary turns to his disciples and orders them to do whatever Jesus tells them. She's a persistent lady apparently.

I just love Mary in this story. She knows her son is the son of God, and she knows he is capable of incredible things, even though she has not yet witnessed them. She puts him on the spot by telling him about the situation, and then she includes his disciples in on it even though he claims that his time has not yet come. I also love that she believes he can do something about the problem without ever seeing him perform a miracle. She believes without seeing, and she believes wholeheartedly. As we continue reading in the story, it seems that Jesus changes his mind and decides his time as come...it's time for a miracle. I wonder if his plans changed because of the great faith of Mary or maybe her persistancy. Hmmm.....

The best part of the story is that the wine Jesus made was the best wine of the night. This choice wine would've normally been brought out first, and then the not-so-good wine saved for when everyone was too far gone to notice the difference. But Jesus not only made wine, he made the best wine. Jesus is capable of so much more than even his mother or his disciples could have imagined, and I am convinced that he is capable of so much more than we could ever imagine today. I'm convinced that if we believe in him wholeheartedly, the outcome will be the best, not just good, but the best. I'm challenging myself and encouraging you to believe the impossible today. Imagine the unimaginable, and then sit back and watch God work. He will, and you'll be changed.