Grace...an invitation to be Beautiful

Back there

2009-03-16T20:27:00.003-05:00

After being subtly called out about my lack of blog updates, I felt inspired to write, or maybe just guilty for my own hypocritical teasing of my sister's idle blog. :) I've got a lot of thoughts tonight so we'll just see where we go.

It seems like being back from Africa has been one big crazy adjustment, and honestly, I don't feel like I've slowed down until just recently. When I got home to the States, I went through the whirlwind transition of visiting family and friends, getting a job, getting my first apartment, and moving to my new life in a city I'd never been to before. Then it was onto the first days of new teacher orientation, then the first days actually being a teacher, and somewhere in there I learned something about being a basketball coach. Now, here I sit, 10 months after returning from Africa, after living as a resident of Arkansas for almost as long, with almost a year of teaching and my first basketball season under my belt. Where in the world has time gone?

It's hard to believe, and sometimes I question if all of this is real. I just mean that so much of this first year of teaching/coaching has felt like a blur as I've struggled to keep my head above water. Don't get me wrong...I absolutely love my job and I never dread going to work, which I think is a huge blessing. But transitioning from the slow pace of Africa to the insanely busy pace of first year teacher and basketball coach maybe wasn't the smoothest or smartest thing I've ever done.

These past few weeks have been better though. My season is over, and I'm so enjoying getting home at 4 instead of 6 or later. Spring break starts Friday and I can't wait to hit up NYC with some friends. The weather is getting warmer and more spring-like and basically it's my favorite time of the year.

This evening I was enjoying the weather, sitting outside on a friend's deck catching up on my latest Beth Moore study (Esther...it's a good one so far, but of course, do we expect anything less from Beth? :) For a brief moment, I almost felt like I was back in Africa. The air was warm, Beth was in front of me, and I was donning the black Adidas capris that so frequently comprised my outfit in Uganda. That daydream ended as the rush hour traffic zipped down the road at a speed much too fast to be a beat-up Ugandan vehicle, but for a moment I was back there. The smells of burning trash, cow manure, and body odor came rushing back to me, and I was home. It's amazing how quickly, even if only within my mind, I'm back where my Spirit feels most alive. Back in the place where I was most changed.

But tonight I realized, I've got to stop living there. I'm here...and I need to live here. I don't really think I've been stuck in the past, but I think I've been looking for ways to make this home like that one. I've been yearning to hear God simply and easily as I did on my balcony in Mbarara, instead of searching for Him through the mess and noise that this American life can bring. I've got to take the moments to be quiet in a world where noise is a constant companion. God is in this place as much as He was there, but it seems so much easier, at least for me to fall into this trap of letting the busyness crowd Him out. That's my heart tonight. I am so thankful for the stillness of this afternoon and I want to seek that out more than anything. Because it's there that I meet Him and I am changed.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

2008-11-15T19:18:00.005-06:00

....a tad earlier than usual. Let me first say that I absolutely love Christmas...love it! But I tend to be fairly strict on when the celebration can begin....always the day after Thanksgiving and never a day before. I've even been strict this year although I'm looking forward to Christmas more than ever before. I really missed spending last Christmas with my family. I missed shopping in the malls with carols playing in all the stores. But I still believe that we shouldn't start celebrating this holiday until Thanksgiving is finished. I LOVE Christmas music, but only once Thanksgiving is over. I hate it when Wal-mart puts up the big trees and all the stores start playing music as soon as Halloween is over. Christmas is a great thing, but let's not beat it into the ground right? All of those things were true in my life until this year. But right now, I must confess that my cute little apartment is all ready for Christmas, the Christmas tree lights are plugged in, I'm listening to Christmas music while typing this, and last time I checked my calendar, Thanksgiving is still 2 weeks away. Why the sudden change of heart you might ask....

Laura, Picker, and the girls came through town yesterday afternoon and stayed until this afternoon. I'm not exactly how the conversation started, but somehow it was decided that I needed to find a Christmas tree and that they should help me decorate. I'd like to say that I stuck to my core beliefs and fought long and hard that it is too early, but as Picker says, I'm an easy flip. Can you blame me when Kennedy was putting ornaments on the tree saying, "Wow! I've never done this before Betsy. I'm helping you decorate your Christmas tree!" all excitedly. Yeah, you'd be an easy flip too. I realized that if I really waited until after Thanksgiving to decorate, I'd only have a couple of weeks to enjoy it before going home, and in those couple of weeks, I have my first three basketball games on top of the usual busyness of life as a first year teacher and coach. Plus, it was WAY more fun decorating with my family than by myself and that's what the holidays are all about anyways. I'm so thankful that Laura was blessed with an interior decorating sense that seemed to skip over me. She was also so sweet and bought me some of these super cute decorations while we were at Hobby Lobby. Here I was thinking she was filling up the cart for their house, but it was all for my apartment. I am truly blessed with the family that God has given me, and it was great to enjoy them today and get into the spirit of Christmas together. Here's the finished product of my tree and mantle, and yes, my awesome fireplace is being used. I love Christmas!!!!!!

He is Able

2008-09-10T17:32:00.003-05:00

I've been gone from Uganda for four months today, but it's so cool how I continue to learn from my time there and the relationships I made. Today I got an email from my friend Alex, and God really spoke through him to me. Alex has been lacking school fees since we left, and he's emailed me several times and asked me to pray for him to get the money to go to school. He emailed today ecstatic because he got the money and he's back in school. He went on and on about how excited he was, but it was one sentence that got me the most. This is what he said.

"Get to know that God is able, Betsy"

I really needed to hear that today. I feel like there have been several times in my life where I've successfully taken God out of the box that I tend to keep him in, and I've been wowed at the things He has done. But all too often I keep Him in the box, and I don't truly trust that He is able. The words of my friend were a great reminder that I daily need to be "getting to know God." And the more I get to know Him, the more I'll know that he IS able. I need to be daily reminding myself to trust in His power and not my own. I'm so thankful that God continues to work through the wonderful people He's put in my life to teach this stubborn girl a thing or do.

In other news, everything is going really well. I absolutely love my job, and my students are great. Teaching is hard and definitely a challenge, but so worth it. I work with wonderful people, and I just feel extremely blessed to be where I am at. I feel like I learn so much everyday. In fact, yesterday I learned after witnessing my first fight break out a few feet in front of me, that as it turns out, I am a freezer in those types of situations. I always wondered how I'd handle that, and yesterday I found that I stood with my feet frozen to the group while the male teachers came running down the hall to my rescue. Thankfully, I was standing next to a fellow freezer of a teacher so I didn't feel too bad about it. Regardless of the occassional fight, I have absolutely fallen in love with 8th grade, and I can't believe I never considered this age before. My students crack me up, and I could go on and on about the funny things they say. It's a blast. I've also been blessed to be helping out with the youth group at church. We're having a lock-in next Friday, and let's just say I'm doubting my chaperoning abilities considering I usually start yawning around 8:00, and they're expecting me to stay up all night. yeah....right.... All in all, life is good, and I'm blessed. God is able, and He continues to show me that daily, and for that I'm thankful.

Ten Things Tuesday: Thursday edition

2008-08-14T21:11:00.002-05:00

So my sister started doing this and I've been wanting to do it for awhile, but I just kept forgetting. But after she so subtly/not so subtly at all, reminded/asked me when I was going to do it, I decided it was time to take time to be thankful...even if it is a few days late. I really do love this idea, and I have a feeling, it's going to be hard to list just 10 things.

1. I'm thankful for a weekend to relax before school officially starts on Monday.
2. I'm thankful that there's a gym where I can workout in my apartment complex that is less than a 30 second walk away.
3. I'm thankful for the eliptical machine that takes it easy on those of us with bum knees.
4. I'm thankful for Grace Harbor, my wonderful new church home.
5. I'm thankful that I'm in America where my friends and family are only a phone call away.
6. I'm thankful for phone conversations where I laugh so hard, I go into silent mode and the person on the other end wonders if they lost me.
7. I'm thankful to work in such a great school with great people.
8. I'm thankful for my wonderful new friend that I'm convinced God sent to Kirksey to work across the hall from me.
9. I'm thankful that I got to meet some of my students tonight....and on that note, I'm thankful that I remembered during introductions to those students that my name is no longer Betsy, but now Ms. Glover.
10. I'm thankful that I'm a coach....it's a blast!

Follow Me

2008-07-09T17:24:00.002-05:00

Some people might think I'm crazy to love living by myself and having so much alone time , but so far, life in the new place has been great. I've always been one that loves alone time, but I feel like it is so much more of a necessity for me these days as I continue to process my time in Uganda and the things that God is still teaching me from it. One of the blessings of a little more down time than usual is time to read. I love to read, but a lot of times, I don't have the down time to do it. This week I've been reading a book and as always...it's got me thinking. Surprise, surprise.

This book put a new spin on a verse, which I love, that I'm sure most of us have read many times. I feel like it's such a trap for the Bible to become stale when we've read the same stories so many times. But I'm reminded again that God's word is alive and active, shaping me and changing me in different ways all the time. The verse is found in three out of the four gospels, and it's Jesus' simple invitation to the first disciples to "Come, follow me." So often the emphasis of that verse is put on the action of following, and rightly so. The focus is on being like Christ and following Him wherever He might lead (even to Uganda...Trust me this verse was special to me during that time period, but for a different reason.) It's about giving up control and living our faith without fear, or even if we're fearful, going regardless and trusting that because Jesus is leading, we'll be ok.

If we're going to go and follow Jesus somewhere, then doesn't that imply that we're also leaving something behind? I have to confess that I've never really thought about that, but the idea of following someone invariably means that we're leaving another place, or maybe another way of life. That's what I've been thinking about since reading this last night....following Jesus always means leaving something behind, whether it's a physical place, a lifestyle, or simply a comfortable place we've always know.

I wonder how often I miss out on things that God is willing to show me because I'm too slow to leave something behind. Maybe I'm too attached to something and not as attached to Him as I need to be. Maybe God is just calling us all to leave something behind and truly follow after Him for the first time in our life. Maybe it's a job that we're stuck in and feel like we can't get out. Maybe it's a relationship. Maybe it's an attitude. Maybe it's an acceptance of a mediocre life instead of the abundant life that God has promised. Maybe it's the need to control, rather than trust. Maybe it's a way of life that's comfortable, although not what it should be. I don't know what it is for you, but I can think of several things that it is for me. My prayer as I start my new life in this new place is that the fear of leaving the ordinary and the comfortable behind doesn't keep from following Jesus to new blessings.

Home again, Home again

2008-06-03T22:38:00.002-05:00

Well, I apologize for the long hiatus from blogging, but these past few weeks have been a whirlwind. I've now been home for over 3 weeks and it has been wonderful! I have to confess that I miss the slow pace of Uganda already because I feel like I haven't stopped going since I got home. I was only home for a little over a week before leaving on a two week trip to see friends and family that I've missed so much in the past year. It's been great to enjoy the comforts of home as well as the company of so many people. I've especially enjoyed time with my precious nieces and nephew. I think that when I look at Sidney and KJ it hits me the most just how long I was gone and how much I missed out on. I'm so thankful to be back and able to spend time with them now.

I've also been incredibly blessed with a great job for this next year. It's a really long story that has God's fingerprints all over (it would take way too long to type, but I'd love to tell you about how God's been working if you're interested). God has led me to move to Rogers, AR where I'll be an 8th grade history teacher and head girls' basketball coach. I could not be more excited about this opportunity, and I feel like it's the perfect first job for me. I'm especially excited to get back into basketball and this time on the other side of it. It has all happened pretty quickly, and I'll be moving down in 3 weeks to start working basketball camps and having workouts with my team. God continues to bless and provide for me, and I've already found a great apartment that I'm excited about moving into. One of the main things I have been praying for in this whole process was to feel just as led and called to the next phase of life as I did to Uganda. God has wowed me during the past few months and reminded me once again to never box him in, and I know He is calling me to Rogers. I'm not sure why, but I'm excited to see it unfold and learn what He's waiting to teach me next.

I wanted to thank you all one more time for being such huge supporters and prayer warriors for me this past year. Now that I'm back in the States and looking back on my time in Uganda, I'm continually amazed at the many ways God used your prayers to bless my year. I could never thank you enough. It has meant so much to know that you've kept up with my blog and the journey that I've been on, and it's been great to be able to share life with so many of you face to face now that I'm back. Although I'm no longer in Uganda, I continue to learn and be changed daily by the people I met, the experiences I had, and the life that I lived there. Now it's on to the next big adventure that God has put in front of me...

Just Go

2008-04-22T08:56:00.002-05:00

I knew that God had brought me to the right place when I found out that all (well...most) of the members of the team here also consider "Dumb and Dumber" to be their favorite movie. I love that movie, and I love that for our last time together with the team on this upcoming Saturday, we will be watching that movie together one more time. One of my favorite parts of the movie is when Lloyd is dropping Mary off at the airport and as she starts to say something, he pushes his finger to her lips and all dramatically says, "Just go." It cracks me up, but more seriously, it is something that I've been thinking about a lot lately as I am approaching an exciting, yet uncertain transition in my future. Just a year ago, I was facing the uncertainty of journeying to a place I'd never been before to live with people I'd never met. Now I'm facing the uncertainty of journeying back to a place I call home to be with those that know me the best and love me anyways.

It's not that I'm unsure about America, but it's more that I'm unsure about myself in America again. I've changed in a lot of ways this year, and I feel funny confessing this, but in some ways I feel like I've forgotten how it works to live in America. Here's a few examples. I've gotten so used to using cash everywhere here, that I've totally forgotten how credit cards work. Today I was trying to confirm online that I could pay with a credit card for the hotel in London. Duh Betsy. The other day in school I was reading a book to the little girls, and I pronounced the word "mosquito" the way that Ugandans pronounce it, which is incidentally quite different then I've pronounced it for the first 22 years of my life. D-rae is planning a trip to Searcy for when she gets back and she was accidentally planning each day of traveling so that she would arrive at her destination before dark, without realizing that it's actually ok to be on the roads in America after the sun goes down. These are just a few funny examples, but it really is overwhelming at times to think about living the American life that I've always known after experiencing a year of so many differences here in Uganda.

In addition to the unknowns about reentering life in America, there are still so many unknowns about my future. Where will I live? What will my job be? Will I have a job? In the midst of all of these transitions, I've been trying to live a lot less by doubts and a lot more by faith. But I am still so weak and so faithless despite the great faithfulness of my Father. Today I got a good wake-up call through Psalm 106. This whole chapter kind of recaps the Israelites in the wilderness and their constant rollercoaster of faith: believing in God and then doubting him...worshiping Him and then turning around and worshiping a golden calf. Their faith was constantly changing, just like mine. God used verse 24 to speak to me today.

The people refused to enter the pleasant land, for they wouldn't believe his promise to care for them.

I wonder how often I do that in my life. How often do I hang back and miss out on the "pleasant land" because I'm too busy listening to my doubts instead of trusting His promises? Why do I so often linger and question where God is taking me instead of just going on the belief that He goes with me? Right now at this time in my life, I don't want to be like the Israelites. I don't want to miss out on the blessing of the Promised Land because my faith is too weak. Instead as I journey back home and continue this journey of life, I want the belief that God will be there to care for me to be more than enough. And it should. He has never given me any reason to doubt, but has only given me hundreds of reasons to believe. He will care for me, and that's all the assurance I need in this time of uncertainty.

So maybe I'll make some funny mistakes when I get back to America. I'll probably try to warm up leftovers in the oven while forgetting that a microwave is actually quicker. Drinking out of a faucet might freak me out for awhile, and being out after dark will probably make me feel a little rebellious. But I'm just going to go. I'm going to go and trust that God will be with me in the hard times of adjustment just as much as He'll be with me in the joyous reunions with family and friends. Speaking of reunions, how about 19 days?!?!?!

Picture Update

2008-04-16T09:29:00.003-05:00

I figured that looking at pictures might be more fun. Here are a few pictures from the last month or so. Clicking on one of the pictures will take you to my picasa site where there are several more. So here is update #2...

Me standing in the middle of a matooke plantation at my friend Trueman's house

Eating my last meal with Trueman and his wife Peace

Saying goodbye to Bernard's family

D-rae and I doing our best to act Ugandan at our Ugandan themed team party.

We went on a team retreat to this great place called the Kingfisher Lodge, which overlooks Queen Elizabeth National Park.

A view of our banda overlooking the game park. Ours was second from the right.

A little update

2008-04-16T09:25:00.000-05:00

I realized the other day that I hadn't written on my blog in a long time. There have been plenty of times where I've wanted to share something or update you on a part of my journey, but life here has been incredibly busy the last few weeks. I don't know how it happened, but suddenly we're down to only three weeks left in Uganda. That is so hard for me to believe. As much as I'm trying to savor every moment and not let it pass me by, I still feel like the time is flying. All along, D-rae and I have talked about how busy April would be, but now that it's here, it's even crazier than I expected. Ok, let me try to briefly update you on the last month or so.

We welcomed new teammates in the Hutton family on March 11, and we've been enjoying spending time with them and getting to know them these past few weeks. Last week we did our last big touristy adventure and went gorilla trekking. Awesome and worth every hard earned penny we spent. Each Thursday in April we've been going to a different village and spending time with a family that we've gotten especially close to. So the goodbyes have started and they are not fun or easy. This Thursday we are spending the day with Gigi, and while I'm looking forward to spending the day with her, I'm not looking forward to having to say goodbye to her in a few weeks. This past Sunday and Monday we went on a quick team retreat to the Kingfisher Lodge near Queen Elizabeth National Park. It was great to spend some time with some of the people who have come to mean so much to me and supported me so much this past year. Again, not a goodbye I'm looking forward to.

The next few weeks will be equally as busy. We've got more goodbyes planned as well as our last day of school next week. The kids are coming over for their last sleepover on Friday, and we're going to spend the night in our last village next week. We're also going to an island for a 4 days womens' retreat with all the missionaries in East Africa. We've got all of our last Bible studies and time with friends planned. Basically it is going to be a whirlwind these next few weeks and I'm going to be back in the States before I know it.

It's incredible the mixed emotions that I have right now. I am so sad to be leaving this life and leaving the dear friends I've made. I will forever take with me precious memories of this year and the lessons that God has taught me along the way. I know I'll never have an experience like this one, and I will eagerly anticipate my visits back to Uganda in the future. But at the same time, I don't think I've ever been so excited about an approaching date...May 10th!!!! I can't wait to see my family, my friends, and all of you who have supported me in this journey. I can't wait to be a phone call away and within driving distance of everyone that I have missed so dearly this year. I can't wait to play with my nieces and meet my new niece and nephew. But most of all, I can't wait to share with you what God has done and the ways He has changed me. I can't wait.

In the past, I haven't always handled being busy in the best way. I seem to get so focused on the things that need to get done, that I forget to do the most important things. I get so worn out and so tired that I feel like I don't have the strength to go on. This time around I'm trying to be different. I've spent a lot of time praying about my last few weeks here, and I'm really praying for God to bless it. I'm exhausted, but I'm praying for God to give me a strength that only comes from Him. I'm praying for his Spirit to fill me all the time, but especially when I feel worn out with nothing left to give. In his great mercy, He's been teaching me a lot lately about just how helpless I am without him. This year would have been nothing except that God was in it and controlling it. No good was done by me, but only by God. I've realized lately just how fully dependent I am on God, and how much I fail every time I try to do things on my own. My prayer for these next few weeks is that I fully surrender my time left in Uganda to the one who's been controlling it all along. This year has been incredible, and I've been blown away by God's faithfulness, and I know the next three weeks will be no different.

Many of you have emailed and asked what you can pray for specifically in these last few weeks. I'd like to take you guys up on that offer and just list a few prayer requests as my time comes to an end. Thanks for being such prayer warriors.

- For me to live fully present in Uganda, even though I am so anticipating the future.
- All the goodbyes that we will be saying
- My future as I look for a job and continue to seek God's leading in the next phase of my life
- Desarae's time at home with family and going back to Harding in the fall
- The continued work here in southwestern Uganda, and for God to continue to raise up more workers for this field
- Our transition back into American culture and American life
- That God receives all the glory for what He has done in the past year

A game of tag

2008-03-18T13:20:00.003-05:00

So my sister tagged me with this game so I'm doing it just for fun. I have to confess that I don't even have 6 blog friends to tag. I'm kind of a loser, so I guess the game stops here. :)

Stacy has tagged me! These are the rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. (or don't and don't feel any less cool....)
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

Six non-important things about me:
1. I am a huge creature of habit. It's a raspberry white mocha every time at Starbucks and chicken fingers regardless of the restaurant. I've even got a regular order at one of the restaurants here in Mbarara. I realize I should branch out, but when I find a good thing I just have a hard time letting go.

2. I always, always listen to my music on random. In fact, the thought of listening to a cd in the right order kind of makes me cringe.

3. I am slightly obsessed with Beth Moore, acacia trees, sunsets, and Sara Groves...in no particular order.

4. I have a few OCD tendencies such as checking locks a lot (it must run in the family), checking my alarm a few times before I go to bed, and consistently thinking I've left the oven on and convincing myself of it until I go home and check.

5. One of my favorite things in the world is driving with nowhere to go and the sunroof open on a beautiful day.

6. On long road trips when I get sleepy, I crank up Mariah Carey's greatest hits and keep myself awake by trying to hit all of the high notes. Now if that's not a funny mental image for you, then I don't know what is.

Meet Carolyne

2008-03-09T08:44:00.002-05:00

About a month ago, Desarae and I wrote an email to many of you about a special need that had come up with our friend Carolyne. Carol is from Rwanda, and she fled to Uganda when her entire family was killed in the genocide in 1994. Since then she's lived with a grandmother, gone to school for awhile, and she has recently been living with a friend here in town. Carol doesn't have a job and has no way to take care of herself, but thankfully God provided her with a good friend who lets her live with her for free and takes care of her.

Recently Carol's friend became very sick and lost her job. For the last few weeks, Carol has been struggling to find money to eat and to survive. She has come to us crying several times, and we've tried to help her out as much as we can. We were only able to help a little so we decided to email all of you. It was incredible to sit back and watch God's people react to a sister in need. The way you all surrounded her with love and money was incredible. Thanks to your generosity, we've now got over $1000 raised for Carol, which is enough to take care of her through the end of 2010! We serve a mighty God, and He has a mighty people. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.

Today we told Carol the good news. I wish you all could have been here to see her reaction. She's not a big hugger, but she jumped up and gave D-rae and I the biggest hugs ever! She just kept saying "thank you" over and over again, and she admitted to us later in the day that she still can't believe this has happened. She couldn't stop smiling, and it was a beautiful thing to see. She was talking about how in the Bible it says that there is a time for everything, a time for suffering, and a time for joy. She said that God has really done a miracle and brought her out of her time of suffering to a great time of joy. She was SO excited!

We explained that she will only be allowed to withdrawal a certain amount every month, which will be enough to live on and also help her money to last until the end of 2010. We sat down with her and helped her plan a budget, and we gave her a notebook to keep track of the money that she spends. Since most people here have never had much money, they don't understand how to budget or save so we're trying to educate her a little bit. At the end of our time with her, she wrote a letter thanking all of you for your love. I'm going to type it exactly how she wrote it so you can get an idea of how people talk here. This is a precious letter.

Let me first greeting you in the name of Jesus that praise the Lord. Am so so happy to have a good message from you. I really appreciate. There is no way how I can thank you because it's like a miracle. Thank you very much. May God continue to bless you all the time. I think nothing I can give it to you only God is the one who is going to reward you. I love you so much in the name of Jesus Christ. May God protect your lives and everything that your doing. Continue to pray for me and I will continue to pray for you because God has done for me the good thing. Bye.
From: Ekyatuhaire N. Carolyne
ekyatcarlo2007@yahoo.com

Carol's life was changed today and you were all a part of that. Continue to pray for her health as she has a heart disorder and ulcers which cause her a lot of pain. Her friend is currently trying to get another job and will find out this Friday if she is hired. Pray that her friend is able to get a job so that they can split the rent and each have more money to live on.

In Rwanda, parent's choose a different surname for every child. Ekyatuhaire means "God has given." I think that's cool to know considering what God has given her today. Thank you for being his hands and feet.

God Chose Me

2008-03-06T08:11:00.002-06:00

The story of Gideon is quickly becoming one of my favorite stories in all the Bible. I've read it a few times lately, and each time I notice new things and learn more about our God. We read it to our boys the other day in school, and last night I shared it with our hostel girls and God just continues to teach me more through the Old Testament. And to think that I used to not be able to get into the OT...now I can't get enough of it!

Gideon is another one of the countless examples of God choosing the weak, the sinful, the imperfect, to accomplish His purposes. Abraham the fatherless became the father of many nations. Moses the stutterer became the mighty leader of the Israelites. Rahab the prostitute aided the spies and is listed in the genealogy of Jesus. David, the man after God's own heart, committed two sins that were very unlike God's character. And then there's Gideon. The coolest part is that all of these seemingly imperfect sinners are listed in Hebrews 11 as examples of those with great faith who are left for us to follow. It's amazing what God can do through those the world views as unable and incapable!

Gideon is chosen as the fifth judge of the Israelites, and we meet him in Judges 6. When talking with an angel of the Lord, Gideon describes himself as weak--his tribe is the weakest, and he is the weakest of all his family. He clearly thinks that God has chosen the wrong man to lead the Israelites against the mighty Midianites, a force of over 120,000 men. But God doesn't make mistakes. He chooses us each for a reason, and He chose Gideon for a specific purpose.

I love how the angel of the Lord addresses Gideon. In verse 12, he says, "Mighty Hero, the Lord is with you." Here Gideon is referring to himself as weak, while God is calling him mighty. The angel also tells Gideon to go with the strength that he has, which implies that weak Gideon has strength that maybe he is unaware of.

God doesn't view Gideon the way that he views himself or even the way that others view him. God sees Gideon in a completely different way. He doesn't see him as he is in that moment, but He views him as who he could become with God's power within him. He doesn't look at Gideon and see his past failures or even the failures that he will make in the near future. Instead he looks at Gideon and sees his beloved child and the ways that He wants to use him. Even when Gideon's faith wavers in his conquest of the Midianites, God still views him as a mighty hero and a man of strength.

I love that and I need to be reminded of it. God doesn't remember my past failures at all. It's not just that He chooses not to think about them, but He actually has no memory of them. I wish I could wrap my mind around that. I look at myself as someone who struggles with pride, selfishness, gossip, doubt, among many other things. But God looks at me as His daughter, created in His image, and for whom He has great things planned. When I feel weak, He reminds me to go with the strength that I have and that He'll be there with me to provide all the strength I'll ever need.

Turn to the Cross

2008-02-27T13:45:00.004-06:00

Rather than condemning ourselves for our weakness and making self-conscious efforts to try harder, we can allow the Crucified to love us in our brokenness.
- Brennan Manning "The Signature of Jesus"

Desarae was in charge of Bible study tonight, and let me just say that she brought it. I felt like God was speaking through her straight to my heart in such a way that I wanted to share tonight with all of you. Much of this blog comes from things she said or things that it made me think of while she was speaking and God was pricking my heart. I can't even begin to put into words how thankful I am for her friendship, and tonight was just a reminder of the many ways that God has used her to teach me in the past nine months. She is a great friend, who points me to the cross everyday, and tonight was no different.

I remember one of my first posts, about a year ago, was concerning the gift of grace that God gives us. It's one of those topics that I can't seem to get my mind fully around, and it's one that God is continually having to pursue me and change my thinking on. I tend to be overly organized to the point of it being slightly obsessive and compulsive. I plan everything....everything. I do the things I need to do to get the results that I desire. It's that simple, or at least I so often foolishly believe. I think that's what makes grace so difficult for me to grasp. It is a free gift that I have done nothing to deserve. Nothing I do will make God love me more and nothing I can do will make me love Him less. His love is unchanging and never failing, and His grace is no different.

In a taped sermon that Des and I listened to the other day, we learned that the words "gift" and "grace"come from the same Greek word of "charis." I think that's so cool. You can't separate the idea of grace being a free gift. That is just what it is. No matter how complicated we make grace, we can know that to God it is so simple.

Desarae focused on talking about repentance tonight, and her first question was just defining what exactly it means to repent? Growing up I was always taught that it means "to turn away" from the sin in your life. I think that's true, but somewhere along the way, I think we've forgotten to learn what it is that we're turning to.

In Numbers 21, we read kind of an interesting story about Moses and the Israelites. Snakes come into the Israelite camp and Moses instructs those who are bitten to simply look at this bronze snake and they will be healed. Many of those people no doubt thought Moses was crazy and didn't trust that it would work so they didn't try. Others maybe doubted the potency of the snake's poison and didn't think it was serious enough to pay attention to. Still others were so freaked out by the snake bite that they were running around like chickens with their heads cut off, frantically trying everything except for the one thing that would actually heal. Then of course there were some who just sat and cried about their pain and trouble without taking any steps towards healing.

Isn't this how we are with the sin in our life and the grace that God offers? John 3:14 compares the way that Moses raised up the bronze snake for healing to the way that Jesus was lifted up on the cross for our healing. But too often we don't trust that his grace is enough. Or perhaps we don't think the sin in our life is serious enough to pay attention to. Then some of us are so freaked out by all the sin that we try every counselor and read every self-help book before looking to the one true healer. Then there are those of us, and I think this is where I all too often fall, that are so distraught and guilt-ridden over their sins that they can't even bear to lift their tear-filled eyes to the cross.

When we repent and turn away from sin in our life, the only place to turn for true healing and change is the cross. I love the quote at the top of the page. Instead of beating ourselves up over and over again and letting the guilt get the best of us, why don't we let Jesus do what he does best? God sent Jesus to earth to save us while we were still sinners, and Jesus saves us again and again everyday...while we are still sinning. God's plan is not for us to figure out the plan to stop sinning on our own, and then turn to the cross. His plan is for us to turn to the cross and then allow him to work in our life giving us the power to live a life that is led by the Spirit, rather than our sinful nature. Too often as humans we do it all backwards. We try to get our life in order before we turn back to God, rather than turning back to God and allowing the only one who is capable to put our life back in order.

I've learned this year that there is so much that I desire to change in my life, or things that I want to be different, that I am simply not capable of doing on my own. A discouraging thought until I read verses like Ephesians 3:20, that remind me that God's power within me will accomplish more than I could ever dream of. Thank God for His grace that He gives daily. Thank God for loving us in our brokenness and not requiring a perfect heart, but simply one that is contrite. Thank God for giving us His son, the true healer and the only one to turn to when we are turning away from the sin in our life. Thank God for His power that enables us to defeat our sinful nature and live by the Spirit. Thank God for the Crucified.

Village day

2008-02-23T11:29:00.002-06:00

For the past few months, we've been working with some of the youth from church to plan a youth program (kind of like a youth rally) that we can take to different villages to encourage the youth there. It's been kind of a slow process, trying to figure out times to get together with everyone's different schedules as well as not meeting for a few weeks during Christmas. But today was the big day...the day of finally going to our first village to put on the program.

The day was all about learning to trust God, and Matthew 6:33 was kind of our theme verse. There were a few skits, lots of songs, and of course an impromptu message of encouragement from both Des and I, because what would a village day be without being put on the spot at least once. :)

It was really awesome to see this program come together because we've definitely had our doubts along the way. It all started with an idea that Scott and Shane had, and we just kind of ran with it. We wanted to design it in such a way that the youth can continue doing this even after we leave and go home. It couldn't have worked out better. Because most youth in the villages don't speak English, Des and I can't even be involved in a skit or anything. So we don't do anything in the program. We basically just helped plan it, but the town youth are completely in charge of it. It was really cool to sit back and watch them get excited about it and get into the skits. They did a great job, and even though I couldn't understand everything they were saying, they still made me laugh quite a few times. (I've tried to put up pictures, but the internet is being really slow. So just check out my new album on picasa.)

On the ride home, Livingston, one of the youth leaders and for sure the funniest in the skits, turned around all excited and full of passion. He told us that he and Dennis, another leader, really want to keep this going after we leave. It brought tears to my eyes to see how on fire he was for this, and to know that God working in the youth here. I have no doubt that this will continue after we leave and that is so cool. It's not about us, and God reminded me of that today.

The Refining Process

2008-02-14T13:43:00.003-06:00

Malachi 3:3- "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study. That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention any-thing about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.” She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."

My aunt sent me this email a few weeks ago and last night Des talked about it at Bible Study. I think it's one of the coolest things that I've ever heard. God holds us the entire time we're in the fire, and He doesn't take us out until he sees himself reflected in our lives. Once again, God is in control. I just think this is an awesome story, and it brings me to tears every time I hear it.

I was once again reminded of God's faithfulness last night. Des asked us to share stories of a time in our life when we were being refined. I shared a story of a recent time in the fire, and Rachel, one of our best friends here, looked at me with tears in her eyes and went on to echo a similar experience in her life. Ten minutes before Bible study, I read an email from a dear friend who is also being refined in a similar way right now. Today I'm reminded that God calls us to the fire, but he promises us that we'll never be alone. He is ALWAYS with us, and lately I've been reminded of the way that he is constantly surrounding us with his people. Thank God for friends and for putting them in our lives at just the right time.

Mountain Moving Faith

2008-02-05T05:15:00.000-06:00

My faith has been challenged a lot lately. Part of it has to do with the Beth Moore study that I'm doing. Part of it has to do with studying the Bible with a friend of ours, who asks deep questions and really makes me think about what I truly believe. Part of it just has to do with life, and the situations that I'm faced with. I've said it before, and I'll say it again...be careful what you pray for. A few weeks ago Des led Bible study with our church girls and she really challenged us all to pray for God to put us in situations that would test our faith. It was a great message, and it has really been resonating in my heart and mind for the past few weeks. Since then, I've made it a daily prayer that God would increase my faith, no matter what that takes. I've been praying for situations that will test my faith, refine it, and bring me out looking more like him on the other side. I've been praying for mountain-moving faith; faith that takes God at his word and believes he is capable of the things he promises. I joked with D-rae the other day that I'm mad at her for that great lesson because since I've been praying that prayer, God has definitely been testing my faith. This kind of testing isn't always fun, but it's always worthwhile.

I love how the Psalmist encourages us in Psalm 66:10 and 12. You have tested us, O God; you have purified us like silver...We went through fire and flood, but you brought us to a place of great abundance. I know that I haven't always passed the tests that God has put before me, but I'm thankful that when I do, I can rest assured that there is something great to come. The two words that stick out to me in those verses are "purified" and "abundance." The testing of my faith purifies me, and the end result is more abundant that I could ever imagine. I just think that's a cool promise to really let sink in and believe.

I was reading in John this morning and something stuck out to me for the first time. The scene comes from chapter 2 when Jesus is at a wedding feast with his mom and disciples. You all know the story. As my New Living translation says "The wine supply ran out during the festivities..." (I don't know why but that makes me laugh a little.) Mary turns to Jesus and says "They have no more wine." Now I don't just picture her stating this as a conversation starter or to fill Jesus in on the current situation. In my mind, Mary is saying "Ok son. This party is about to die without some wine. I know you're capable of doing something about it so could you take care of it?" The significant thing is that this is Jesus' first miracle. He hasn't walked on water, healed the sick, made the lame to walk, or calmed the storm yet. Everyone knows he is special, but he hasn't started displaying his miraculous powers just yet. At first Jesus says it's not his time, but apparently Mary won't take no for an answer. As soon as Jesus declines the opportunity to shine, Mary turns to his disciples and orders them to do whatever Jesus tells them. She's a persistent lady apparently.

I just love Mary in this story. She knows her son is the son of God, and she knows he is capable of incredible things, even though she has not yet witnessed them. She puts him on the spot by telling him about the situation, and then she includes his disciples in on it even though he claims that his time has not yet come. I also love that she believes he can do something about the problem without ever seeing him perform a miracle. She believes without seeing, and she believes wholeheartedly. As we continue reading in the story, it seems that Jesus changes his mind and decides his time as come...it's time for a miracle. I wonder if his plans changed because of the great faith of Mary or maybe her persistancy. Hmmm.....

The best part of the story is that the wine Jesus made was the best wine of the night. This choice wine would've normally been brought out first, and then the not-so-good wine saved for when everyone was too far gone to notice the difference. But Jesus not only made wine, he made the best wine. Jesus is capable of so much more than even his mother or his disciples could have imagined, and I am convinced that he is capable of so much more than we could ever imagine today. I'm convinced that if we believe in him wholeheartedly, the outcome will be the best, not just good, but the best. I'm challenging myself and encouraging you to believe the impossible today. Imagine the unimaginable, and then sit back and watch God work. He will, and you'll be changed.

God S.T.O.P.

2008-01-24T09:20:00.000-06:00

My mom and Dave got me the Beth Moore "Believing God" Bible study for Christmas, and let me just say that it is already rockin' my world. I just started it on Monday, and it's challenging my thinking and my faith so much in just a few short days. One of my favorite parts about the study is that it is designed for you to do part of it first thing in the morning, and then finish it right before you go to bed. This has really helped me to focus my thoughts all day long. The part that you do before bed is called a God S.T.O.P. This stands for moments in the day when you were able to Savor The Observable Presence of God. It's designed to make you more aware of the times that God answers prayers or reveals his presence to us in small or big ways throughout the day. It's been really good for me lately to be looking for those times from God, and it's made me more thankful for just how active he is in my life. I wanted to share a couple God S.T.O.P's from my day today. The first one is kind of a long story, but stick with me. I think it will be worth it for the goosebumps that it will give you at the end.

So when Jessica was here we spent a day in our friend Trueman's village. Trueman's only male goat had been stolen the day before, and Trueman was pretty upset about it. We even spent some time driving around the village looking for it. When Jessica was leaving last Friday, she gave me some money to give to Trueman to help him buy another goat. I called Trueman on Monday to let him know and low and behold, he had found his goat. So I sent Jess an email and let her know that need was taken care of, and let her know of some other needs that we could possibly use that money for. She emailed me back just this morning to tell me to use the money wherever I saw fit.

Fast forward to this afternoon. We had a meeting with some of the youth from church, and afterwards our friend Nicholas (whose village we also visited with Jessica) asked us if he could talk to us. Now when people here ask if they can talk to you and kind of make it secretive while pulling you off to the side, that usually means they are going to be asking for money, so we saw this coming. Nicholas told us that his mom had given him some money for school fees the other day and when he was in town he had lost his wallet. He had begged another man at church for some money, but he could only cover some of it. Nicholas' mom was really upset at him for losing this money, and Nicholas was obviously upset as well.

Goosebumps spread all over my body when Nicholas told us that the amount of money that he had lost and still needed was the exact amount of money that I had in my wallet from Jessica for a special need that might arise. Nicholas was asking for a loan, but thank God that I was able to reach into my wallet, pull out the money, and give it to him as a gift that he doesn't have to repay. I explained the situation and explained that God was obviously at work here. It was even more special that Jessica was able to fill that need as Nicholas was one who opened his home to her while she was here. God is awesome, and I'm thankful for this time to savor his sweet presence today.

We came home from our youth meeting to find Gigi, our worker, hard at work in the kitchen, and our friend Florence there as well. Florence is the Gage's worker, but since they're in America, she has some extra time on her hands so she was helping Gigi with her work today. Now Gigi and Florence are both in their fifties, and they're two of the funniest people I've ever met. Put them in a room together and all you do is laugh. Florence is hilarious and still claims that she is 14 years old. Gigi calls her a liar whenever she says that. Here's an example of how hilarious they are. We gave Gigi a loaf of banana bread that we made last night and told her to share some with Florence. To this Florence responded, "Oh she will. Don't worry. If she doesn't, I will take her outside and finish her off, and then I'll finish off the bread." Yes, hilarious.

We hung out with them for about two hours, long after they were finished cooking. They talked about how they're going to miss us when we're gone, and Gigi kept talking about how she prays for God to send us good men to be our husbands (I think she's a tad concerned about our singleness :) I busted out some of my Starbuck's for them and introduced them to my favorite coffee. I think Florence's response to it was, "Oh it is very very very very fine," and of course I enjoyed sharing coffee with someone for once since D-rae hates it. We shared funny stories, and I laughed until I was crying. Then I sat there and felt God's spirit in the room and fought back tears of thankfulness for the life I'm living right now and the ways that God shows himself to me daily. I'm so thankful that we have a God who is so big and so mighty, yet small enough to make himself known to his children. The cool thing is that there are several more moments just like these that I could tell you about just from today. God is always there, but sometimes we don't take the time to look for him. I pray that today you have some God S.T.O.P's of your own. Stop and savor the observable presence.

Thoughts of Believers

2008-01-19T12:30:00.000-06:00

I woke up today and realized that it's January 19th. How in the world did that happen? Somewhere between all the visitors, all the traveling, and all the busyness, the downward slope to the end of my time here in Uganda began. It seems like just yesterday we realized we were at the halfway point. Now it's down to three and a half months left in Mbarara, my second home. D-rae keeps telling me that I've got to stop mentioning the small amount of time we've got left because it's harder for her to live in the present here when I keep talking about the future. But for me it's just opposite. It's like everyday I have to remind myself that my time here is quickly coming to an end, so that I can remember to soak up every second of the present.

With the end in sight, it's getting to be time to start thinking about what my life after Uganda will look like. I've done my best not to think about it until now because I didn't want thoughts of the future to consume my thoughts while I'm living such a once in a lifetime experience right now. But I figure it's time to start considering options and seeing where God will take me next. This is a daunting task in many ways. It's scary to think about applying for jobs, paying bills, and being on my own for the first time. It makes me anxious to think about making big decisions such as where I'll move and where I'll start my new life. Rereading that kind of make me laugh and I'm sure many of you are confused right now wondering how much more on my own I could be than right now, living halfway around the world, away from everyone I love and everything I've ever known. The funny thing is that it's scarier to me to move somewhere in America on my own than it was for me to come to Uganda. Weird, I know.

I was reading Matthew 6, which has always been a favorite chapter of mine, the other day and something hit me for the first time. The section about worrying has been one that I've read hundreds of times in my life. I tend to worry about a lot of things, and I usually go to this passage when I need to be encouraged to trust God instead of myself. It hit me in a new way the other day. I love it when that happens. I'm convinced that this is one of the ways that God speaks to his children today...through scriptures that we've read time and time again, but for some reason we read them in a different way just this one time.

In verse 31, Jesus is reminding his disciples not to worry about everyday needs like what they will eat or what they will drink. I love the way that the beginning of verse 32 reads. These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers... Worrying about our life, our needs, our future, those are things that are characteristic of people who don't know God. Worry is a part of life for people who don't have faith in a God who takes care of his children. Jesus goes on in verse 32 to say, BUT your Heavenly Father already knows all your needs. The word 'but' signifies that there is to be a difference for those of us who claim to follow Jesus. "Worry dominates the thoughts of unbelievers, but you who believe in me are called to be different. Those who don't know me worry about everything, but you can trust that I will take care of you. Life is full of unexpected turns and many are anxious about the future, but trust in me because I know ALL of your needs." This is what I claim to believe and this is what I hear God whispering to me daily, but still I worry, and at times I still live like one who doesn't know God. Worry dominates my thoughts many times just like it dominates the thoughts of those who don't believe in God at all.

I've always read Matthew 6 and realized that it's not good to worry. But now I'm reading Matthew 6 and realizing how bad it is to worry. When I worry, I'm not having faith in a God that I profess to believe in. When I worry, I'm once again trying to take control of my life back from the only one who is truly in control. When I worry, my faith is in myself rather than in my God.

Worrying is something that is easy for me to do and hard for me to stop, but I'm choosing to fight the anxieties this time around. I'm choosing to daily surrender the future to God and wait patiently for him to open the doors that need to be opened. I trust my life in his hands completely, and I don't trust it in my hands one bit. He is in control and he knows all of my needs. I read a dear friend's blog today and was reminded once again of the fact that God is in control. The plans for my future are not mine, but they are his. God planned for me to come to Uganda and he made that 100% clear to me. I felt called and led here, and I have no doubt that is preparing a place for me and preparing me for the place that he will take me next.

Back to Normalcy

2008-01-19T04:46:00.000-06:00

The past month has been incredibly busy and incredibly wonderful. It started with Mom and Dave coming for a week and a half right around Christmas. Even though their trip was cut short because of all the canceled flights, we packed everything into the time they had here, and it was great. We took them to several villages, and I was so proud of the way that they handled the uncomfortable and different experiences. Neither of them were just huge fans of the food, but they ate it like a champ 4 different times. We also went on a safari and saw all the major animals that you can see at Queen Elizabeth. I don't have time to tell all the funny stories from that day but a few include my mom getting dangerously close to both a lion and a hippo and communicating to some of the elephants in a language that only she knows. It was a great day and we laughed a ton.

Mom and Dave also got to experience a float trip through grade 1 and 2 rapids on the Nile River. They were both a little nervous, and we couldn't convince them to get in and swim with us, but overall they were tough. We also ate dinner overlooking the Nile and watched a beautiful sunset. Even though they were only here for a short time, they got to see so many different parts of Uganda. God blessed us with safe travels (which is a miracle if you ask them) and he took care of us when Uganda was experiencing a serious fuel crisis. God is so good to his children.

I loved sharing my home here with them, but my favorite part of having them here was definitely getting to share Christmas with them, even if it was a little late. And no I'm not talking about the gifts that they brought from many of you (Thank you SO much by the way. You guys helped to make us feel very loved!). I'm talking about sharing our experience of giving gifts and having a Christmas party with our Ugandan friends. They got to see the joy on our friends' faces when we gave them their gifts. I know that God showed Mom and Dave a lot through this trip, and I think much of it came through experiencing the joy that our friends have despite the hard things that they deal with on a daily basis.

Two days after Mom and Dave left, my lifelong friend Jessica Sloan came to visit. I've known her since I was about 8 when we met at church camp. She is one of those old friends who knows everything about me and loves me anyways. I was SO excited to have her here and be able to share Uganda with her. While she was here we went to 2 villages, went on yet another safari, and spent a few days with our other church camp friend Jody in Jinja. It was so good to see her and share our lives together for a few weeks in person rather than through email. I'm so thankful for a friend who is willing to make the trip all the way to Uganda to share in my life in this way. I am so blessed to have her in my life. God really blessed our time together, and he continues to teach us more about life in him.

After this busy month, I could not be more thankful or more tired. It was such a huge blessing to have people that I love come spend time with me here in Mbarara. It's great to know that when I go back to the states, at least three people, four including Desarae, will be able to understand more about this place because they have spent time here. That is a huge gift that I am so grateful for. Now it's back to normal life here in Mbarara. We start teaching on Tuesday after a month off, and all of our friends come back from holiday in about a week. So the hostel won't be empty for much longer, and we're so excited to start our weekly bible studies up again. Right now we're enjoying a few days of rest and a long time without traveling anywhere! I'm so thankful for a home here in Mbarara that feels so much like home to me. It's great to be home, and it's great to have so many wonderful memories from the last month.

Christmas Joy

2007-12-16T05:36:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry if it's getting a little redundant reading about how much fun Christmas is here. It's just that I can't get over it. I can't get over how the smallest of gifts can bring such joy to our friends here. Joy. That's the only word I can find to describe it. We were privileged to watch our friends experience this joy on Friday. We had a Christmas party with our hostel girls' Bible study. We made pancakes for dinner (because they're kind of fascinated with them. It was funny how sweet they thought they were and that was when they were eating them plain. :) We also watched Elf, because really, what is a Christmas party without that movie, and we ended the night by giving them some gifts. We burnt a few cd's for each of them of some of our favorite songs, and wrote them each a letter explaining why these songs are so special to us. It wasn't really a big gift, and it barely cost us anything, but you would have thought we had given them the most expensive gift in the whole world. I don't want to say much more because I feel like the pictures of this night say a lot more than I ever could. I know that many of you have sent gifts with Mom and Dave for many of our friends here. Enjoy this post and know that this is the type of pure joy that you are giving our friends. Thank you for your generosity. I love you all.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

2007-12-04T11:09:00.000-06:00

Ok, so that title of this post isn't exactly true. It's still 80 degrees here, and I went to the pool on Saturday and got a nice tan. But I am starting to get into the Christmas spirit. I've listened to some Christmas music, even though it just doesn't feel the same when the leaves are still on the trees outside, I sweat everytime I walk to school, and there is no sign of snow. We listened to "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" while we were making pies for Thanksgiving, and it just seemed a little odd. I got super excited yesterday when I found some Christmas lights on display in a store, until Desarae pointed out that they weren't regular bulbs but instead they were little colored flowers. Bummer. But regardless of all the differences, I'm getting more and more excited about celebrating Christmas, Uganda style, this year.

My time in Uganda has changed my perspective on most things and Christmas is no different. Growing up the most exciting part of Christmas was Santa and the presents that he would bring. I remember not being able to sleep the night before because I couldn't wait to see what new things I was going to get the next day. The older I got, and as I went off to college, Christmas became important because of the people I would be with rather than the gifts I would receive. I always looked forward to a break from school, and time with all of my family, as Christmas is one of the few times in the year that all of my brothers and sisters are together.

Now I find myself in a culture where people barely have enough money to survive, let alone shower their loved ones with gifts at this time of year. I'm also going to be away from the majority of the people I love, but I'm so blessed to be looking forward to the arrival of Mom and Dave on Christmas Eve. Talk about an awesome Christmas present! Christmas will definitely be different this year, but I am rejoicing in those differences. Instead of making my own wish list this year, I'm having a blast dreaming with Desarae about all the gifts we could give our friends here. Many of these people have never been given a gift in their life, or very few, and I'm excited about the opportunity to love them in this way. Instead of mourning that more of my family won't be here, I'm thankful for those that are coming, and I'm enjoying making my own Christmas traditions with my new family here.

Today we got to experience the pleasure of giving a small gift to some of our dear friends here. It was our last Bible study at Bishop Stuart University before all of the students go home for the break. So we decided to whip up a few surprises for the ladies, including a few loaves of banana bread that we took and shared with them. The best part of the day was that we had our friend and language teacher Doreen translate an entire paragraph into runyonkole so we could thank them for their love and friendship in their local language. I videoed their reaction and I wish you could all see it. They were clapping, cheering, and laughing of course at our awful attempts to pronounce the words correctly, but their faces were so full of joy. They loved that we had taken the time to learn that, and I think it was the greatest gift we could have given them.

This Christmas I'm choosing to focus on the many good gifts in my life that God has blessed me with instead of grieving that Christmas won't be the same as I'm used to. This Christmas instead of wondering what gifts I'll get, I'm choosing to wonder how many gifts I can give to my friends here to bless their holiday. This Christmas I'm going to watch "Elf" with some of my new friends here, so that I can share the joy that Will Ferrell brings to all, rather than wishing I was back at Harding watching it in my dorm room with my best friends. This Christmas I'm thanking God for the family that I miss in America and the family that I'm growing to love and dreading leaving here in Uganda. This Christmas I'm just so thankful for the life God has given me, and the ways he continues to be merciful and gracious to his daughter.

Never assume anything

2007-11-29T14:50:00.000-06:00

One would think that after six months of living in this culture, I would be used to never really being sure about anything. I've finally started preparing something each week before the Bishop Stuart Bible study because it's a given that I'm going to be expected to share something. I've gotten used to girls looking at pictures in the apartment and either commenting on how I used to be fatter or how I'm a lot prettier in America than here. I've even gotten used to the occasional marriage proposal from random men on the street and perfected my answer of rejection. Basically I've come to expect the unexpected, and laugh through the awkward situations....or at least I thought I had. Tonight was a whole different story.

On Thursdays we go to a joint care group/Bible study with our hostel and the Golf Course Hostel next door. I have to confess that I don't always look forward to this care group simply because it starts at 9:30 (by African time, that means people are usually there by 10), and it usually doesn't wrap up until 11:30 or later. It's a fun group of girls, but I'm kind of an old person and I get tired when I stay up that late. I know, it's sad. I also don't feel as comfortable around these girls because the majority of them live next door so I only see them once a week. So I enjoy it, but I definitely enjoy our hostel Bible study more because I know those girls better and feel completely comfortable around them.

Tonight was the last care group before the girls go home for Christmas so we had a gift exchange. As we were getting started, Florence, who is one of the funniest people I've ever met, was talking about how tonight was going to be a special change for this care group. I naively sat there and figured she was talking about the gift exchange because we hadn't done that before and it was new. But then to my surprise, this was the next sentence out of her mouth. "Yes, it's a change tonight because Betsy is going to be leading our praise and worship this evening." Picture my jaw on the floor and a serious case of the red face. I immediately stuttered through some excuse about how we didn't know the same songs, blah blah blah. For those of you who don't know, I love to sing, but I don't exactly love my voice. I just wasn't blessed with the gift of a beautiful singing voice, and I can sometimes be a tad self-conscious about this. I also hate to be the focus and center of attention. So basically this wasn't shaping up to be my favorite Ugandan experience so far.

Long story short, it turned out ok. Desarae is a good friend, and after composing herself and getting some control of her hysterical laughter at the announcement that I was the worship leader, she helped me think of a few songs, and we plowed through it together. So I conquered a small fear of singing in front of others, went way outside my comfort zone, was completely caught off guard, learned the lesson AGAIN to never assume anything here, and I think I pulled it all off without my face turning too bright red. It was a success.

The gift exchange was also a success. I was really thankful to have drawn my friend Rachel's name. She is probably our closest friend here, and I knew exactly what I wanted to give her. She is a huge Christian music fan, so I burnt her a cd of some of my favorite songs. Her face lit up when I gave it to her, and I could tell she was ready to get out of there and go listen to it. It's amazing how such a small gift can mean the world to our friends here. It makes me excited for Christmas.

The girls here have what they call an "escort ministry," that takes place after care group. Basically it's just a funny name for walking each other back to the hostel and making sure they get home safely. Our church here just received 1,000 Bibles from a group in Ft. Worth, and when I made the announcement that anyone could come to our room for a new Bible, the escorting ministry became much more popular. In fact, every single girl who was at care group escorted us home. They all loved getting to see our apartment, and they really loved getting a new Bible.

Tonight was a great night. There were several moments of just laughing at the hilarious things that I'm experiencing daily mixed in with continual amazement at the people that I'm building relationships with. I could go on and on about the testimonies shared tonight, but I feel like this has gotten long enough. I'll leave you with a picture of me with all the girls and their new Bibles. Florence, the crazy one who spontaneously decided I would lead worship, is the one striking a pose in the front. I told you she was funny.

Halfway and Thankful

2007-11-22T14:06:00.000-06:00

So today marks the exact halfway point of my time here in Uganda. Crazy, I know. I can hardly believe that I've been here for 5 1/2 months, and it's even harder to believe that I'll be home in less than six. I think it's a pretty awesome coincidence that the midpoint of this adventure falls on Thanksgiving Day. Thinking back on the past few months of my life and looking forward to the rest of this year makes me realize just how much I have to be thankful for.

I'm thankful that God brought me to Africa to teach me some things that I just wasn't quite getting in America. I'm thankful that He gave me a partner in ministry and one of the best friends I could ever ask for to walk this journey with me. I'm thankful for the many friends back in the states who faithfully read this thing, email encouragement, and most importantly, pray for me. I'm thankful that I see God in the good days in Uganda, and even in the bad days.

I'm thankful for the mission team that I am privileged to be a part of. I'm thankful for the new friends that I have made here, not only with the missionaries, but also with the Ugandans. I'm thankful that I live in an incredibly fun hostel where people drop by our apartment all the time. I'm even thankful that we had to pause our movie for 30 minutes tonight while we had five unexpected visitors. I'll miss that when I come home in May. I'm thankful to be able to see faces light up when we give our friends new Bibles that were just sent to us and hear knocks at the door of people wanting more. I'm thankful for the hostel Bible study we have every Wednesday and the way that those girls never cease to amaze me and change me. I'm thankful for friends like Rachel and Fiona who make me laugh so hard that I forget I'm living in an underdeveloped country thousands of miles away from everything that is comfortable.

I'm thankful for times of being stretched and grown. I'm thankful for the chance to go the village today (even if it was a little surreal eating matooke, g-nut sauce and kasava root for Thanksgiving). I'm thankful for how comfortable and at home I feel in a place where all of the comforts I'm used to are so far away. I'm thankful that I'm absolutely in love with chapati and chai...can you imagine how awful this year would be if I didn't love the food? I'm also thankful that on Saturday I will get to enjoy a Thanksgiving feast with turkey, stuffing, sweet potato casserole, and pumpkin pie. I'm thankful that Gigi will be here tomorrow to help these two amateurs make the four pies that we're in charge of bringing. :) I'm thankful that I look out my windows to see one of the most beautiful views in the world, and I get to go running by mountains everyday. I'm thankful that I feel completely alive and at peace knowing that I am where God wants me to be right now.

I'm thankful that Mom and Dave are coming to visit in 32 days!! I'm thankful that two days after they leave, Jessica will be here! I'm thankful that I got to talk to all of my family today, minus Laura and Picker who are bums and didn't answer their phones. :) I'm thankful that when I get home in May I'll have a new niece and new nephew waiting for me, plus two incredibly beautiful girls who will have grown so much. I'm thankful that God blessed me with a family who never questioned, but only supported my decision to move to Uganda for a year.

I hope that you didn't read the title of this post and think that I am thankful because I am halfway done with this year. That couldn't be further from the truth. Instead, I am thankful that I still have the second half of this year left. Don't get me wrong...I miss my friends and family so much and May 10 will be a happy day to be back in the states. But this journey is not finished. There is so much of the adventure still left to live, and I'm convinced that there is so much more that God is waiting to teach me. Thanks for walking the first half of this year with me. I don't know about you, but I'm excited to see what's in store for the next six months. I'm thankful for all of you, and I hope you all have an incredible Thanksgiving.

Shouting the Gospel with My Life

2007-11-14T06:34:00.000-06:00

One of the things I love about my life here in Mbarara is that I have a lot more free time to read, which is something I love to do, but had very little time for in the midst of all the reading I did for my classes in college. I'm not sure why, but somehow I could never fit in reading for pleasure when I was bogged down with reading my textbooks, a biography of some historical figure here and there, and of course the random other books that professors love to assign. So I've really loved being able to read so many different books while I've been here. I've fallen into the trap of being in the middle of 3 or 4 different books at a time, but thankfully right now I'm able to concentrate on reading one of my favorite books in the world.

If you haven't read The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, then please stop reading my weak attempts at writing, and go read his incredibly powerful book. I read it for the first time last summer, and it only made me more passionate about mission work than I already was, and I'm convinced this book had a lot to do with me actually stepping out and committing to come to Uganda. It's an inspiring book, and it makes me want to be so much more than I am right now. It's for sure not an easy read, only because you can't walk away from this book without being challenged to make some necessary, but incredibly difficult changes in your life. I know that I was challenged and convicted of my own lukewarm Christianity last summer when reading it, and again now as I'm reading it again. This guy is onto a real kind of Christianity, and this books makes me excited about living more radically for God. Ok, I'll stop the free advertisement for the book and get on with my thoughts, but seriously, I recommend checking this one out.

Something happened yesterday that kind of goes along with the part of the book that I've been reading, and it's got me thinking a lot about my life and the way that I live out my faith. In James 2, we're told that Abraham's actions made his faith complete. Our faith in incomplete unless there are actions that accompany it, and this is something that I need to be reminded of daily. Yesterday, my daily reminder came by way of a random Ugandan that we ran into in town. D-rae and I were waiting outside of Gigi's restaurant to talk to her, when this young woman walked up to us. Instead of the usual Ugandan greeting of "How are you?" this woman just looked at us and said "Praise God." She then turned and walked off. This obviously caught Des and I a little off guard, and as she walked away I joked that the way we sat there on the curb must have just showed our love for God and our commitment to follow him.

Unfortunately, all too often in my life, that is all that is...a joke. People usually can't tell just from interacting with me that I'm a Christian. They don't see the noticeable difference in my life that I am called to have as a follower of Christ. They don't see it because it's not there. Over the years I have become way too comfortable with being comfortable, and way too fearful of being different. I've become satisfied with life as an ordinary Christian rather than thirsting for a life as one who is radically in love with God. I've spent way too much time conforming to this world, all the while fighting the transformation in my life that God wants and desires to give me.

In his book, Claiborne uses the old quote "Preach the gospel always. And when necessary use words," under a heading entitled Shouting the Gospel with Our Lives. This quote inspires me and reminds me of just how rarely I preach the gospel by the way I live. I think back to when I was in high school. I wonder how many of my classmates heard me proclaim my faith at the weekly Fellowship of Christian Athletes meeting, but questioned if those were empty words when watching me fail to love my neighbors in school everyday, one of the basic principles of the gospel that I preached. People have a hard time understanding God because they have a hard time understanding the hypocrisy of God's people. I cringe at the times I've been a stumbling block to those around me simply because my actions didn't match up to my so-called faith.

What a beautiful thought that the primary way of sharing the gospel should be with my life rather than with my lips. My faith can be most real and most effective by what I do rather than what I say (or write). I want my life to shout the gospel. I want to run into strangers on the street and after spending a few minutes together, have them not only questioning what is different about my life, but finding themselves so attracted to it that they can't help but want to find out more. We are called to be different, and I pray that the difference in my life is evident to everyone that I meet. Jesus lives in me, and I want others to see him, instead of me.

Birthdays, Ballerinas, and Beaver Fever

2007-11-01T04:19:00.000-05:00

It has been quite the eventful week here in Mbarara. Desarae turned 23. We celebrated Halloween, Ugandan style, and we've had a special visitor with us here in Beco all week. I'll start with the birthday.

Celebrating Desarae's birthday was really fun and really challenging at the same time. It's hard to plan anything even close to a surprise when you're with that person 24 hours a day. I finally just had to tell her I was leaving for a few hours, and she wasn't allowed to ask why. That was fun because D-rae is a curious little friend, and really hates not knowing what is going on. Her birthday started off a little differently than I had planned because I was sick (more on that later) and unable to do a few of the things I had planned. So poor birthday girl had to teach by herself while I stayed home and tried to get better. We actually spent most of her birthday laying around, napping to make up from the lack of sleep we'd been getting, and not doing much of anything. That night I had planned a little surprise party for her at Agip Motel in town, but I pretty much had to drag her (and me) there because neither of us felt up to doing anything. But thankfully we went and enjoyed the party with the rest of our team. During football season, one NFL game is taped and replayed on Tuesday nights at Agip so we watched football and had a football themed party. Here is a picture of Desarae wearing her birthday hat/helmet, posing like the Heisman trophy, and holding her brownies. And no, I didn't really think that Des was turning 24. I know it looks like that on the cake, but I actually did that on purpose just because I thought it would be funny. Turns out it was, especially when Emily Glisson, who is the queen of throwing really cute, themed parties, was watching in horror/amazement as I tried to make the icing look as funny as possible.

The next day was Halloween and we had one of the best Halloween celebrations I've ever been a part of. We decided to have a progressive dinner, starting with appetizers at our apartment, salad at the Gage's, and dinner and dessert at the Glisson's. The kids showed up at our door at 6:00 in their costumes, yelling trick or treat (I think our neighbors were slightly confused at this point). We had a gladiator, an Indian, a princess, a ballerina, and one cute little chicken. Of course, Desarae and I decided to get in on the fun at dress up as well, which is really hard with our limited resources. So we wrapped Des up in cling wrap, me in aluminum foil, and went as leftovers. It was fun, but amazingly hot, so the costumes only lasted long enough for a few pictures and laughs. I think the highlight of the night might have been scaring Emily with a fake, but very real looking cockroach 4 different times (great birthday gift). We hid it in her cup, in between a few chips (my personal favorite) and Scott even threw it from across the table back into her drink when she wasn't looking. It was hilarious, and we were all crying from laughing so hard. Nights like last night really make me thankful for the incredible team that I'm a part of. They challenge me, love me, support me, and make me laugh. They have become some really great friends, and I thank God for allowing our paths to cross for this year.

We've also had a very special visitor for all of the festivities this week. His name is giardia lamblia, and he is a parasitic disease that loves to camp out in our small intestines. We think we might have drank some bad water in the village on Saturday, and as a result, we've had our worst case of giardia yet. D-rae got it first, on Sunday, but being the great friend and roommate that she is, she passed it onto me because we love to share everything here...even sickness. We've both been up all night at least once this week, and we're having trouble getting rid of it this time. We bought our second dose of medicine today (for $3...Uganda is incredible) and hopefully that will do the trick. Desarae has done a little research on this little disease, and she found out today that it is also called Beaver Fever because it tends to be prevalent in artificial lakes that are made by beaver dams. So there's a free little fun tidbit for you today. Just to let you know, Beaver Fever is awful and you should avoid it all costs. Don't say I didn't warn you.

So it's been a really fun and really full week. Keep us in your prayers as we're trying to get better so we can keep up with our schedules. We've had to cancel several things this week, and we hate doing it, but it's hard to plan to go to the village when you know you're going to be needing a bathroom every 10 minutes. I know this is kind of a pointless post, but I really wanted to share some of these pictures with you guys. Thanks for always reading this thing and wanting to keep up with my journey. It means the world to me.

The Newest Addition to the Family

2007-10-27T15:23:00.001-05:00

So most of you probably saw the title of this post and immediately assumed that I'm dedicating a post to my adorable new nephew Caleb. I know you're shocked, but this post is actually not about him (Stacy...don't be offended). Now while he is definitely worth writing about, I'm actually talking about the newest addition to my Ugandan family. Let me introduce to you, Goretti, or Gigi for those of us who still struggle to roll the r's here like you're supposed to.

All of the missionaries here have workers that either do yard work for them or help with some of the cooking. Most foods have to be made completely from scratch here, which tends to make things more complicated and time consuming in the kitchen. For example, let's say you're craving some chips and salsa? Well, that craving is going to wait a few hours while you make the chips....from scratch. Then you have to whip up the salsa from scratch as well. Yeah, let's just say that we don't eat those a lot. Desarae and I are not exactly what you would call skilled in the kitchen, but I have to say that we've done pretty well for ourselves so far. We're definitely not wasting away to nothing over here. But when the opportunity arose for us to hire Gigi, we jumped at it.

Gigi has been a worker for the Fouts' for the past nine years. She became really close to them and is just another member of their family. We've gotten to know Gigi really well over the past few months from spending so much time at their house, and we've come to love her a lot. Not only is she one of the greatest cooks in the world (the greatest according to the Fouts' kids), but she is an incredible woman. She makes us laugh a ton, and she's really become a close friend in our time here.

Gigi owns a hotel in town, but the business is pretty slow. She's kind of lost and without her family now that the Fouts' are gone, plus she has taken a big cut in pay since she's no longer working for them. Des and I don't necessarily need a worker, but we saw this as a great opportunity to help a friend, and be blessed even more by having her around our apartment. We know that she could use the financial help, but even more, she could use the companionship.

So as of last week, Gigi is now working for us. She comes two days a week to make some staple foods for us, and maybe even some posho chips and salsa when we're having one of those cravings. Gigi is such a blessing to us, and I couldn't be more excited about the newest member of Beco Hostel. I just hope I don't gain too much weight as a result.

Purpose in Pain

2007-10-16T09:58:00.000-05:00

Life in Uganda is so unpredictable. Today our friend Doreen invited us to a Bible study at the university that she goes to. She called yesterday to tell us about it, and in between the static of the phone and her accented English, I hung up the phone unsure of whether we were leading the study or just guests. Judging by our past awkward situations that we've had here, which of those do you think she was expecting? Yes, you've probably guessed right. We showed up to find out that she was expecting us to share something. Awesome. Nothing like being completely unprepared and on the spot. Thankfully Doreen shared her testimony first so D-rae and I had some time to come up with something.

As I was sitting there in a room of 10 Ugandan women, wondering what I could share with them to encourage them, and kicking myself for not having something planned in case of this very situation, I decided to just share my favorite verse and see where that took me. Thankfully God guided my thoughts and gave me the words to speak, and He taught me more while I was sharing than I could've ever taught those women. My favorite verse is Proverbs 16:9. We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. Speaking today was a good reminder to me of several things. 1) Never assume anything in Uganda. Even if you think you're not in charge of a Bible study, you probably are. 2) Don't speak too fast or for too long when someone is translating for you...this tends to make things more difficult. 3) Most importantly, God reminded me that He is in control. I may have plans for my life, but the direction that he takes me is always best.

I shared with the ladies a few paths that God has taken me on that I would have never expected. Five years ago if someone had told me I'd be living in Uganda at age 22, I probably would've laughed at them. I would've never dreamed that I would blow out my knee and end my basketball career so early. I had planned on playing all four years in college, but God had different ideas. I for sure never pictured losing my Dad when I was so young, but again, God is in control and he works all things for his good.

It's sometimes painful to look back on missed opportunities or unexpected twists and turns in life. But thankfully, the more I have experienced and the more I have grown, God has revealed to me his purpose in so many things. I see purpose in not playing basketball all four years. I definitely see purpose in the path that led me here to Uganda. The hardest of those situations to consistently see God's purpose in is the loss of my dad. There are days when I still question his plans. The pain of losing my dad is still so great, and it's hard at times to believe that there was good behind that situation. Pain is always easier to deal with when you can see the purpose in it, but I have to confess that there are many times when I fail to see any purpose in this part of my life. Today, more than ever before, I think I clearly saw a big part of the purpose behind that pain.

In that room of ten women, at least two of them have never met their birth mother. Doreen is an orphan. Every single woman in that room has lost their husband to death. The heartache and struggle in these women's lives was almost too much for me to hear today. Take Judith for example. She is a Rwandan and has never known her mother. Her dad was killed in the 1994 genocide. She fled to Uganda as a refugee and got married to a Ugandan. He then died and left her with six children to raise on her own. Or take the woman whose husband tried to kill her when she was pregnant with her fourth child. She now works at the university and sends all the money she makes home to send her children to school. These women know what it means to lose someone because they all have.

When I mentioned that I lost my dad when I was 15, there was a murmur and almost a moan from all the women. I shared that story with my friend Annah one time and she couldn't believe it. She didn't think that children lost parents when they were young in America. She thought that was only a problem in Africa, where AIDS is so rampant. Honestly, she was shocked to hear it, and I think her exact response was, "That is very uncommon in America, right?" Today I realized that maybe part of God's divine plan in me losing my dad so young was to be able to better understand and relate to the people that I am surrounded with now, seven years later. They have all known great pain in their life, and they understood my pain when I shared it today. I tried to imagine what my response to their heartbreaking stories might have been had I not experienced the loss of my dad. I don't think I would've been able to look at them with tears in my eyes and truly know their pain. I don't think I would've known what to say when it came time for me to share. I also think that my loss made me more real to them and more like them. The differences between us are obvious, but our losses connected us today.

I walked away from the Bible study today thanking God that he determines my steps. I am thankful that even though I make all kinds of plans for my life, in the end, his plan will always be done. I am not in control, and I'm just so thankful that He is. His ways are hard for us to understand at times, but I'm thankful for times like today where his ways make a little more sense to us.. Today I felt like he was taking off the blinders and revealing to me the purpose in the pain of losing my dad. I am so thankful for the ways that he is using the loss of my dad to reach people even today, in Uganda. My prayer today is that when it feels like my life is taking the wrong direction, I can rest in the peace of knowing that if God is leading me, it's always the right direction.

Our weakness is His strength

2007-10-09T13:36:00.000-05:00

Weakness is such a negative word with such an ugly connotation in our world today. Weaknesses seem to be associated with inability and shortcomings. We view, and definitely rightly so at times, weakness as the crack in the door that Satan uses to plant his home firmly in our hearts. Weaknesses are bad. They are unspoken of, and they are unwanted. I mean, who really wants to be weak?

This negative view of our weaknesses is not something that I am above. I hate admitting when I am weak, and all to often pretend that I am strong in each and every situation. I live this way, full of pride, and false pride at that, but the Bible tells us such a different story. Does anyone else out there read the Bible the way they want to read it? You know what I mean. You underline all the right verses and know the staple scriptures by heart, but you skip the part about actually applying them to your life. Well, I, for one, am guilty of that. One of my favorite verses, and also one of the most challenging to me, is one that I rarely live out in my life.

I think Paul's view of weaknesses is so refreshingly different from my own, and yet so hard to live out. In 2 Corinthians 11, Paul is speaking of the many trials that he has faced as a follower of Jesus. He tells of the times he was beaten, put in prison, even shipwrecked. I love how he ends this chapter. After rehashing all the horrible experiences he had to endure (which I have to confess always kind of sounds like borderline boasting to me. Ok I feel better getting that off my chest ;) he writes verse 30. If I must boast, I would rather boast about the things that show how weak I am. After reading that verse, I have to ask myself how many times I willingly seek to show others the weakness in my life. I'm ashamed to say that I'm usually way too concerned with what others think of me to open myself up to sharing the ugliness in my life. Challenging stuff for sure, but Paul wasn't done here.

Paul goes on to discuss the thorn in his flesh, and I absolutely love the response that God gave to Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9. My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. Man, that is good stuff. This is definitely a theme verse for my life. God's grace is so much bigger than any sin or any failure in my life. In this verse, I almost can picture God just sitting by waiting to swoop in and cover us with his grace. He's ready to show his awesome power, and most times that comes through our failures and our weaknesses. Paul gets that, and I think that is evident from the next few verses. Paul chooses to embrace his weaknesses so that Christ's power can be shown in his life. He even goes as far to say that he delights and takes pleasure (NLT) in those weak areas of his life because he knows that only when he admits how weak he is will God show up and make him strong again.

I need to be reminded of this on a daily basis. I need to be reminded that God calls me to lay down my pride, so that his name can be glorified instead of my own. I need to remember that in order to truly let God reign in my life, I have to die to myself...all of myself...every day. I need to remember that the more I recognize that I am nothing with him, the more God is ready to make me something with him. God's word is so full of paradoxes, and this is just another one. The world tells us to be strong, yet God reminds us that boldly sharing our weaknesses brings us far more strength than we could ever imagine. I'm thankful for his word, and the way it convicts me. I'm thankful for people who teach me to readily share my weaknesses, and then love me even more after seeing them.

It's been awhile since I've included some song lyrics on here. I've recently become obsessed with the group Leeland. They've got some powerful lyrics, and I am in love with the song "Carried to the Table." They say it better than I could ever say it.

Fighting thoughts of fear and wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup; this world has left me lame
Even in my weakness, the Savior called my name
In His Holy presence, I’m healed and unashamed

God wants us right where we are. He is more powerful than we could ever imagine, and he can use our failures, our sins, and our weaknesses in mighty ways. I pray for a heart that can truly be unashamed of my weaknesses because I'm so in awe of the ways that God is using them to show his power.

Kenya=Incredible

2007-10-07T14:29:00.000-05:00

I feel pretty confident in saying that after what D-rae and I have done the last week, we can figure out any situation and do pretty much anything. We set off on our first real traveling adventure of our four months here, and it was quite the adventure. The week started with spending three days in Kampala with our team, savoring our last time with the Fouts. We stayed at a hotel called the American Club, and it is pretty American. The food is pretty good, and there's even a picture of George Bush in the lobby. The weekend was full of swimming, or getting thrown into the pool in all of your clothes on(thanks Nick), playing tennis, playing cards, and spending time with our friends. We went to the airport Sunday night to say goodbye to the Fouts and that was a pretty hard thing to do. There were a lot of hugs and tears, and I left feeling pretty empty.

God's timing is perfect though, and thankfully Des and I had a fun trip to look forward to after saying a hard goodbye. We were so thankful that we weren't just heading back to Mbarara the next day, but instead we were taking off on an adventure of our own. We spent Monday in Kampala, hanging out at a bookstore in the mall, drinking our first Dr. Pepper since May, and I got my first haircut in Africa. That night we went to the airport, flew to Nairobi, and spent the night in a hotel in downtown Nairobi. I didn't realize how western and modernized Nairobi is, and let's just say I was a little overstimulated by all the flashing lights and big buildings. I've been in Africa too long...

Tuesday morning we set off on the 6 hour trip to Masai Mara, the game park where we were going for our safari. This is supposed to be one of the best places to go on a safari in the world, so needless to say, we were pumped. We were the only two people going on a safari with this particular company so it was just us, our awesome driver Peter, and Imraan, the owner of the company, in the bus. We felt kind of like royalty and were definitely a little spoiled by being the only ones. We drove through the Great Rift Valley much of the drive, and the view down into the valley was incredibly beautiful. The roads were awful though...probably the worst roads I've ever seen in my life. The curvy, steep hill down into the valley was also really dangerous. There was a wreck on it two days before we were there where three tourists died, and we actually saw another death on the way back. This was one of the many times on this trip that I thanked God for his protection and realized how lucky we are to have a God who takes care of us.

We got to Masai Mara in the afternoon and went straight out for game drive #1. Within 45 minutes we had seen giraffe, elephants, lions, and a leopard, which are pretty much the big things to see. Yeah it was awesome and I think at that point I had already decided that the money we spent on this safari was well worth it. Imraan has been going on safaris since he was three years old and he's only seen a leopard six times, so we were really lucky. Peter was an awesome driver and would drive off the paths, which is definitely frowned upon, just so we could get better pictures. We were close enough to touch almost every animal that we saw. It was awesome. I also saw one of the prettiest sunsets of my life...and yes, I took a few pictures.

While on our safari, we camped out in tents at a campsite that is right next to the park. Again, we were the only two people there, and there were actually more people staying there to take care of us (cook, guard, guides). Each night we would shower, eat an awesome dinner, then sit out by the campfire listening to crazy stories and looking at the amazing stars. Sidenote: I really think the stars are better here in Africa.

One of the craziest things about the safari was that we had two real Masai warriors guarding our tent each night. No, no...not from humans, but from the animals that occasionally wander into the campsite from the park. The park isn't fenced in so the animals pretty much have free room, and some of the stories that John, one of our Masai guards, told involved him running from both elephants and lions within the campsite. Imraan and John heard lions roaring nearby each morning and even followed them one day. Probably not the smartest idea if you ask me. Don't worry Mom...I was safely asleep in my tent at this point.

Wednesday was filled with three more game drives and lots of lions. It was really great to just be out in God's creation and experience it in such a new and cool way. I have to admit though that I am pretty awful at spotting animals while on safari. I told Des that it was my goal to just spot one animal before she did. Some of it might have to do with the fact that I tend to get a little distracted by the scenery and my new obsession with acacia trees (they were all over the place). So the safari went a little like this...D-rae "Oh there's some more giraffes. And some elephants over there. Oh yeah and don't miss those lions." Me "Ooooo....Look. I just spotted my 37th acacia tree." Yeah I'm pathetic. Thankfully my safari partner has awesome eyes.

My favorite part of the safari was when we visited a real Masai village Wednesday afternoon. This village is exactly what I picture when I think of an African village. All of the huts are in a little circle, surrounded by a fence-like structure. The Masai warriors all wear red because they are such fierce warriors, and they are also the people that you see on National Geographic that make big holes in their earlobes. We got to watch (and participate) in both the men's and women's dances. We also watched them make fire from sticks...yeah, it really works. It was an incredible experience. I can't even begin to put it into words, and this is getting lengthy already so let me just hit some highlights. D-rae and I tried to jump as high as the warriors...didn't work. We were both made chief for a few minutes. The chief of the village asked if I was married yet...awkward. We were able to truly see inside the life of a very culturally preserved African village. It was awesome and well worth the trip.

The safari ended on Thursday and we drove back to Nairobi. Peter took us to the airport, and we ended up spending six hours in the Nairobi airport because our flight was delayed. I got some coffee from the Nairobi Java House (Africa's version of Starbucks), and for a few minutes, I thought I had died and gone to Heaven. We also spent a lot of time people watching and playing a fun game we invented called "Guess my nationality." We're getting pretty good at guessing where people are from. However, people here are really bad at guessing where I'm from. This one guy at the Rift Valley lookout point asked if I was from Holland. I mean c'mon. Imraan told me I don't look American, but maybe Australian. Must be the blonde hair....

Friday was definitely one of the most interesting days of our journey. We had to go grocery shopping in Kampala before heading home to get some things that we can't get in town here. We had a cooler bag for all of the meat that we were buying, and we were just praying that it would stay cold on the however long trip we had back to Mbarara. This was another one of those times that I thanked God for his protection as I was riding through the crazy streets of Kampala on a boda-boda (small motorcyle), squeezing between cars, with my huge hiking backpack in between me and my driver, while holding the cooler bag and other grocery bags as well. I feel pretty sure that you all would've laughed at me. My boda driver was a little acrobat and he squeezed through some spaces that I'm honestly not sure how we made it through. Check that. I am sure. The whole time in my head I was singing, "God will make a way, when there seems to be no way..." It's true. He does.

We had our first experience with taking the public buses back to Mbarara. We've been lucky enough to be able to ride to Kampala and back with our team members so far, but this time we were on our own. Everyone has made public to sound so awful so we went in expecting the worse. As we drove up to the bus park, people immediately started grabbing our bags and taking them to their bus. In fact, two men almost got in a fight over my bag because they both wanting my business. We finally got to a bus and sat on it for an hour and a half waiting for it to fill because the buses refuse to leave until they're completely full. The four hour trip to Mbarara wasn't nearly as bad as everyone made it out to be, and it was $7 so you can't beat that.

Whew...that was long. Sorry to get so wordy and so detailed, but I just want to share all of these incredible, and funny, experiences with all of you. It was an incredible trip, but I've never been so happy to see little Beco Hostel in all my life. When we landed back in Entebbe, I turned to Des and remarked how good it felt to be back home in Uganda, a place where we know some of the language, we know our way around, and we know the people. Uganda is home. That seems weird to say, but I'm so thankful that I can say that and truly mean it. God has blessed us so much in our time here so far. I feel 100% comfortable here in Mbarara, and he continues to bless us with experiences and relationships that make us love our life here even more. God is good, and he is taking care of us always.

Just for fun...

2007-09-26T14:33:00.000-05:00

Ok, so funny things happen on a daily basis here. I keep a little journal of all the funny experiences and stories just so we can go back during the times of no power, when we're bored out of our minds,- and laugh at them again. I thought it was time to share some of these with you. Have fun and know we're still laughing about most of them....

- We've experienced earthquake #2. We also discovered that with each earthquake a little more of our wall falls off and the cracks get bigger. Yeah Beco is struggling.
- There was a rat in our room last week. But we, correction...Desarae bravely got rid of it.
- Patience, one of the girls at the bible study, might have just come for the cookies. In between people sharing their stories, she would announce, "And meanwhile, I'm going to have another cookie." And she did....about 6 to be exact.
- I electrocuted myself again today. But good news, it was with an American plug, so only 110 volts of energy instead of 220 like last time.
- Today while running, a little girl ran next to me for a few minutes. It was really cute.
- For the last day of school, my kids rapped Psalm 143, which was their memory verse this summer. It was hilarious and I'm sad that the internet connection is too slow to put up the video.
- A guy in our hostel very bluntly proposed to me a few weeks ago. No worries Mom...I said no.
- The doorknob on our bedroom door is broken and we've been locked in several times.
- We experienced a Ugandan garage sale and it was hilarious. Everyone and their mom was asking for reductions....on everything.
- A random man that we met on the street the other day invited us to his wedding on Saturday. Sadly, we will be out of town and we had to decline.
- Avery Fouts announced to me one day that she was going to walk on water the next day and I was invited. Unfortunately, it didn't work out.
- Another time, we had girls night out and I actually decided to wear make-up for once. Avery just looked at me and said "How'd you get so pretty?" I decided to take it as a compliment rather than being offended that apparently I'm not pretty any other time.
- So sometimes being stared at 24/7 kind of gets old. In one of these moments, D-rae said the following, which really made me laugh. "I just don't understand it. I mean we glance, assess, and look away. It's that simple."
- We had no power for 11 out of 17 days. Wait, that's not funny. How did that make the list.

God's blessings

2007-09-26T13:02:00.000-05:00

Today has been a great day. It's just been one of those days where God seems to pour out his blessings even more abundantly than usual, and as a result, you can't help but give him thanks. These past few weeks have been really busy and filled with some bittersweet emotions. We've spent a lot of time with the Fouts soaking up every minute with them since they are leaving Uganda on Sunday. They've been here for 10 years and were part of the initial team that came here in 1997. Their commitment is up and now they are headed back to the states to start a life there. We had our team goodbye with them on Sunday, and it was a really hard night. It's incredible how close I've gotten to that family is just four months (also incredible that I've been here for 4 months...this time is going way too fast). It was hard to watch them pull away from their house in Mbarara on Monday knowing that we can't walk up the hill anymore for lunch or just to hang out. Thankfully we're headed to Kampala on Friday to spend the weekend with them before they leave. I'm really grateful for this time with them, but still dreading the goodbye on Sunday.

So in the midst of sadness and transitions, I'm especially grateful for a day like today. God is so real and alive here in Mbarara, and I thank him daily for bringing me here. I wish I could put into words the things he's teaching me. I wish you could all come and experience this, even for just a week (good news Mom, Dave, Morgan, and Jessica...you get to!) because this place will change you no matter what. I've seen him more clearly and in a more real than ever before these past few months, and it has nothing to do with me. It has to do with the people that I've met here, the team I'm apart of, and the different kind of life that I'm experiencing here. It has to do with the fact that our God is bigger than anything and can get through to anyone, even a stubborn sinner like me.

Tonight was one of the best nights I've had since being in Uganda. For those of you that don't know, I'm now done teaching full-time. We have the next three weeks off of school, and then in late October we'll only be teaching part-time, which leaves us with more free time to start some other ministries that Desarae and I are both passionate about. One of the things I've been most excited about doing here is starting a Bible study with some of the girls in our hostel. Tonight was the first time we met and I want to share the joy of it with all of you.

It was supposed to start at 7:00, but of course with African time, we still had girls showing up at 7:45. We had five girls come tonight, Rachel, Angela, Rachel, Fiona, and Patience. Rachel showed up at 6:30, ate dinner with us, and then watched me make cookies. I made some cake mix cookies and she was amazed at how easy they were. She is a very strong Christian, and I can already tell that I'm going to learn a lot from her. She loves Christian music and we were talking about our favorite groups before everyone else got here. Sidenote: She couldn't believe it when we told her we've never met any member of Casting Crowns, Mercy Me, or Oprah. She was seriously in shock. We had to explain to her that America is huge and you don't see those people just walking down the street from day to day.

The night was just great. We explained to them our vision for the Bible study and talked about days and times. Then we just spent the rest of the time sharing our stories of how we came to know God. It was so encouraging to go so deep and be so real with these girls so quickly. They all opened up to us and shared their hearts in a real way. Angela's story is especially interesting because her family is from Rwanda and they moved to Uganda after surviving the genocide.

One of the coolest parts of the night was just seeing how similar we all are. Desarae and I grew up in America living with comforts that these girls will never know. Most of them probably grew up in a mud hut in a village somewhere in Uganda or Rwanda. Yet, at our core, we are all sinners and we all struggle with similar things. We're all saved only by God's grace and that is a connection that is so strong.

D-rae and I closed the door after they left and just smiled. Tonight made me come alive. This is my passion and this is why I came to Africa. Teaching the kids has been a blast and I've loved it, but I wanted to come here to interact with the Ugandans and hopefully share Jesus with them. These girls taught me more tonight than I could've ever imagined. I am so blessed to be surrounded by them, and I can't wait to see how God is going to move and work. Please continue to pray for our work and especially for new open doors here in our hostel. God is good and I'm so thankful to be his child.

My Brother Alex

2007-09-15T15:03:00.000-05:00

I've been wanting to write an update about Alexanderson for awhile, but I wanted to wait until I could let you all know something definite. About a month ago, I sent out an email to many of you letting you know about a friend here who was in need of some help. Sitting at my computer, reading the 20+ responses that I got to that email in just a few short hours was one of the coolest things I've ever witnessed. People responded immediately and generously. It was so cool to see God's people surround and support a Christian brother, halfway across the world, that they will probably never meet. Thank you for reminding me of the incredible community that we're all a part of. I pray that I never take it for granted.

Over $700 has been raised for Alex so far, which is more than enough to cover his first term of school as well as the many supplies that he had to purchase to get ready for school. He came by this week and we gave him money to register for school and to go shopping to get some new clothes and all of his school supplies. The school that he will be going to is a boarding school so he won't have to worry about where his next meal will come from or if he'll have a place to sleep that night. So all of you not only took care of his education for the next year, but you've also helped to meet his everyday needs as well.

Alex starts school on Monday. Some of the money that was raised went to pay for coaching, or tutoring, these past few weeks to get him ready for school. He has been out of school for a couple of years, and he told us that everything in his brain has become fuzzy. Yeah, it was cute. He seems very very excited about going back to school. He can't keep the smile off his face when he's around us and talking about it. This week he told us that he is going to find some way to thank us, and his idea was to help us learn runyonkore over the next year. I'm all about that because it's getting kind of old to either 1) get laughed at every time I branch out and try a new phrase or 2) have the exact same conversation with the old man who is the guard near our apartment every single morning. I could use the help.

I hope you can all tell from the picture the joy that you've brought Alex by giving him the chance to go back to school again. He told us the other day that he just loves us so much and he could never thank us. I reminded him that there are many people back in America who love him very much and are so happy to help. I don't feel like I deserve any of his thanks in this. I did nothing except let you all know about a need. You are the ones who deserve the thanks. Thank you for helping to change his life. He is a special guy, and he deserves this chance. We've raised around half of the money that we'll need to pay for his entire year of school. If you're still interested in helping out, drop me an email and let me know.

One verse in the Bible that means a lot more to me after being in Uganda for three months and meeting people like Alex is Matthew 6:33. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. Many of these people have no hope outside of God. They don't have money to eat today and they aren't sure if they will tomorrow. They're months behind on rent, and have nowhere to go once they get kicked out. They don't have the money to finish school, and so their hope of ever getting a decent job is pretty slim. Yet winning out over all of those negative circumstances in their lives is their trust and faith that God is still going to take care of them. I read in a book recently that perhaps those who live in poverty actually have an advantage over those of us who have more than we need. They actually live a life where there is nothing to depend on so they are forced to depend in God. So often, those of us who live in abundance of the things we need and many things we could definitely live without, never really learn to lean on God because there are so many other things we lean on first. I pray that God continues to teach me, through people like my dear brother Alex, what it truly means to take him at his word and believe that he will give us everything we need.

The week of Sleepovers

2007-09-09T13:24:00.000-05:00

I am exhausted. This past week has been a whirlwind. We've had two different sleepovers, each with 4 kids in this tiny apartment of ours. It was a busy week, and I feel like I haven't slept in days, but it was awesome. The kids here have become so special to me in the past three months, and I cherished these fun times with them.

The first sleepover was with my class. I challenged the kids at the beginning of the summer to read 150 books as a class during these three months of school. I promised them some sort of fun surprise if they made it. Well, they blew that goal out of the water and read well over 200 books, so they got their fun surprise. The sleepover was all the kids could talk about at school for several weeks. Everyday they asked me "How many days til the sleepover?" It finally got to the point where we just wrote a countdown on the board and updated it each day. The sleepover was Sunday night and during church Sunday morning, I looked across the room at one point to see Luke holding up 6 fingers and pointing at his watch. He was counting down the hours until the sleepover started. Cute huh?

The kids got to our apartment at 6:30. They absolutely love our apartment and they love coming over. They look at all of our pictures (Mortimer...this is where you come in :) and they love the sign that D-rae has up in our room that says "Don't pass gas." All of this usually occupies them for a good 15 minutes, which was perfect for me and Des to finish up their pizzas. We all ate dinner together and then started the first of three movies that we watched that night. After 3 movies, a game of Apples to Apples, getting fake tattoos, and lots of brownies and popcorn, we finally went to sleep at 1:30.

I woke up the next morning at 7:15 to Elizabeth Fouts staring at me from her sleeping bag on the floor. She just smiled and I could tell that she was ready for the fun to continue. After french toast and half of movie #4, we sent 4 adorable kids back home and we crashed. Ok sidenote, you know that part on Kindergarten Cop where Arnold Schwarzenegger walks in the door after his first day as the teacher. He shuts the door and then falls face first on his bed. Well, that's pretty much how I felt after I shut the door behind the kids. I even re-enacted it and started to fall face first on our floor, but stopped myself when I realized D-rae had no idea what was going on. I was exhausted...you get the idea.

Sleepover #2 happened on Friday night with just the Fouts kids. Nick and Renee were out of town for their anniversary, and D-rae and I jumped at the chance to watch their kids. We had them from Friday afternoon to Saturday afternoon, and it was so fun. After school on Friday, we went to our apartment. Things were complicated a little bit because our water had been out for a day, which tends to make cooking, bathing, brushing teeth, etc. a little more difficult. But that's life in Africa. It always keeps you on your toes.

D-rae took the three older kids to play while Avery, who is 3, stayed to help me cook dinner. I made spaghetti while she drew pictures and then taped them up in my room. When the kids got back, we ate dinner, watched a movie, and ate more brownies and popcorn. We got a little more sleep this time because their bedtime was 9, but I woke up to Avery jumping on top of me at 6:58 the next morning. After breakfast and another movie, we went to their house to hang out for the rest of the day. It was great to be with those kids, and I know that we will really cherish that time since they're leaving in just two weeks.

So as you can tell, it was a full, but really great week. We got to spend a lot of time with our kids, and I wouldn't trade the late nights and early mornings for anything. It's funny how much I felt like an adult this past week. I know, that's a funny thing to say. Go ahead and laugh. But there is just something about cooking meals for kids, putting them to bed, and waking up with the sun to take care of them again that makes you feel all grown-up. Des and I were talking yesterday, and I mentioned that I think watching those 4 kids for a day was probably the most responsible thing I've ever done. Who would have though Africa would make me so mature? Hopefully you're all laughing at this point. I know that I laughed a lot with these kids, and I hope you enjoy the pictures!

Stubbornly resisting vs. Humbly submitting

2007-08-29T13:36:00.000-05:00

Before starting this post, I have to confess something. My love for some of the Old Testament books is not what it should be. I’ve always struggled to read through Leviticus and Numbers, and to be honest, I don’t know that I’ve ever quite made it through. So needless to say, I wasn’t too excited today when my daily Bible study directed me to Numbers 22. But God never ceases to amaze me with the way that he constantly presents me with exactly what I need to read or hear in each moment. It sometimes comes in the most unlikely places…Numbers 22…through the most unlikely circumstances….a talking donkey.

I know I’ve heard about the story of Balaam and his talking donkey before, but I don’t know that I’ve actually read it for myself. Today I did, and I couldn’t believe how much I related the donkey. Yes, I just compared myself to a donkey…stick with me. Balaam was on his way to see King Balak, who had requested that he curse the Israelites who were threatening his land. On the way, something strange happens. His donkey, who he had ridden all of his life, does three very weird things during the journey. He runs off of the path into a field, tries to squeeze through a narrow passage resulting in injury to Balaam’s foot, and finally just lays down in the road. Each action on the donkey’s part results in a beating from Balaam. Now what Balaam doesn’t know and what he can’t see, is the angel of the Lord, with sword drawn, blocking their way. He doesn’t know the reason for the donkey’s strange behavior.

I realize that most sermons, devotional thoughts, or parallels drawn from this story are usually focused on Balaam and his response in this story, but I’d like to instead focus on the donkey. I couldn’t help reading this story without realizing how much I am like this donkey. So often in this journey of life, God reveals different things to me. He opens a door of opportunity or sometimes shuts a door of possibility. He convicts me of sin in my life or makes it clear to me what obeying him really looks like. He reveals himself to me in many different ways. Often times, my first reaction is simply to bolt and run in the complete opposite direction. I either lack the faith to trust him, or I don’t want to truly follow him and choose to die to myself. Thankfully, we serve a God of pursuit, a God who loves us so much that he will do whatever it takes to get our attention at times. He might try a second time and finally get my attention enough to the point where I’m walking towards him, but I usually try to squeeze by without really truly obeying him. I try to take the shortcut, which usually only results in more pain on my part. Sometimes it takes him completely blocking my path, but even then I tend to try to find another way.

There are several things I love about this story. First of all, I think it’s interesting that every time the donkey tried to miss the angel of the Lord, he goes through tremendous pain. I think it’s the same with us. When we ignore God, turn to other things, and ultimately choose a different path, it is always painful. God is the only thing worth it in this life, and it hurts when we realize that we’ve been choosing things other than him and trying to walk the journey alone. I also love the donkey’s response to seeing the angel the third time. He lays at his feet. He submits. He gives in. This is one part of the story where I am all too often NOT like the donkey. In this scenario, I picture myself getting a running start and taking the angel out. You know that part in the Lion King where Pumba goes bowling into the big group of birds. That’s me in this situation. I all too often just bulldoze through the truth standing in my way instead of humbly submitting to what I know is best.

The coolest part of this story is, of course, when the donkey talks. I think it’s crazy. (However, it’s even crazier to me that Balaam just answers the donkey. I mean, come on, your donkey just talked to you. At least scream or something…) The words that the donkey speaks are so familiar to me. They are what I hear God gently whispering each time that I doubt him. God says to me, “But I am the same God that you have followed all your life. Have I ever let you down before?”

I so desperately desire to trust God in all aspects of my life, but he desires my faith even more. He is urging and begging me to trust him because he’s never let me down and he never will. I tend to run from his truths and try to figure things out on my own, which always results in pain, rather than relinquish control to the only one who truly knows what is best. I pray for the donkey’s response to the third time of seeing the angel. I want to lay myself down at the feet of my Lord. I want to give up control and submit myself to him. I want to be like the donkey.

A Hard Reality (Disclaimer: This is long)

2007-08-15T12:24:00.000-05:00

It's been a great week so far. It's our week off of school so I've had the last two days to just relax and rest. I feel like life has been so busy and on-the-go since I've been here, so it has been a nice change of pace to not have places to go and things to do. My favorite part of this week, however, was Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. It was the best part of this week, but at the same time it was the worst part of the week. The greatest experience that I've had since being here was also the hardest. It's been a hard thing to wrap my mind around, and I think that I'm still processing it a little bit.

The mission team here has set up something known as "bonding." It involves being dropped off in a village to live with a family for a few days. An African village basically looks like the picture that we all get when we first think of Africa. Mud huts. No electricity. No running water. No toilets. Extremely primitive. All of the interns that come to work with the Mbarara team go through this, and for the past few months, I've heard about what a great experience it is. So of course, Desarae and I jumped at the opportunity when we heard that we had a week off of school.

Our journey began on Sunday morning by going to a village for church with the Fouts. We went to the church in the village of Kasana, but the congregations from Kishenyi and Barere were also meeting there because it was a goodbye to the Fouts. Church lasted from 11:00 to 4:30. There were 8 different speakers and 8 different sermons, all of which were in runyonkore. It was a long day of sitting on hard wooden benches, being extremely hungry, and not understanding a word of what was said. There was one speaker who would throw in random sentences in English, and that helped to keep me engaged for awhile. At one point he got very serious and said, "Now, I need to speak this from my bottom." It's amazing how much that saying can be changed with you leave off three important words at the end of it. Renee, Des, and I got a serious case of the church giggles at this point. You know, when you're not supposed to be laughing so it makes it even harder to control. Yeah, it was bad.

As I was sitting there feeling hungry, tired, sore, and frustrated that I couldn't understand anything, I was also completely amazed at these people. Many of them had walked an hour or so just to get to church. They hadn't eaten since the morning, if they were lucky enough to get a meal then. They worshipped with such joy and energy, and they never seemed to tire. Renee made the point that we as Americans are so ruled by our stomachs and by our watches. When we get tired or hungry, we tend to tune out the preacher, close our Bible, and reread that church bulletin one more time. These people could worship God for hours. They could study his word for hours, and they do. It was an incredible thing to witness, and one that I hope I won't soon forget.

I feel like this post has the potential to get pretty lengthy so I'm going to try to quickly summarize the next few days. After eating lunch (at 4:30) of matooke and goat soup, we set off on foot with Bernard (He actually pronounces his name Bennett, but his name is actually spelled Bernard. So just read it as Bennett ok? :) Bernard has worked for the Fouts for 10 years, and he has very proudly hosted many visitors in that time period. We were thrilled to get the opportunity to bond with him. He is 57 years old, and so full of life. He is a great guy and we always enjoy getting to see him at the Fouts. He's very good about making us greet him in runyonkore so we were looking forward to the ways he was going to challenge us in the next few days.

We wanted to experience everything with Bernard, so we walked home from church just as he had walked to church that morning. He took us the long way so that we could see the Barere church building. We walked for 2 hours straight that night, finally arriving at his house at 7:30, right as it was getting dark. It was one of the most beautiful walks of my life though, and I really enjoyed it. I was so excited about what we were about to experience that I could have walked a lot longer, I think. Still, I was very excited to finally reach his home and get to meet his family. His wife's name is Midias, and they have 5 children who still live at home. Sylvia is 13, Christine is 7, Dan is probably around 4, Franco is 2ish, and Nicholas is probably around a year old. We were immediately welcomed and made to feel very at home. I can't tell you how many times Bernard told us not to be shy, to be comfortable, and to feel at home. He was a great host.

We enjoyed our second straight meal of matooke and goat soup and then got to bed pretty early that night. There's not a whole lot to do once it gets dark in the village since there is no electricity, so the night's usually ended at around 9. We slept great that night and woke up early the next morning ready to experience a great day. We walked 1/4 mile to get water twice that day, which involved pushing 3 jericans of water in the oldest, most rickety wheelbarrow you've ever seen. I helped wash dishes and saw the Ugandan dishwashing process, which seems to be mostly counterproductive. Des and I chopped onions and sliced tomatoes and helped make the goat soup for dinner. (I've never breathed in so much smoke at one time.) We played with the kids and spent some quiet time with God. We enjoyed using the African version of a toilet. It's called a cho and it's basically just a hole in the ground. We had chai several times, and of course there was more matooke and goat soup...4 meals in a row to be exact.

The hardest part of the trip, the worst part for me, came Monday afternoon. We set off at 11:30 to go visit some people around the village. We walked around, aimlessly it seemed to us, for 2 1/2 hours. I sprained my ankle about a week ago, and it was killing me after walking around so much the day before. It was clear from the beginning that we didn't have a destination. We were just wandering around, stopping at every house we came to. (It kind of reminded me of some dear friends of mine who always struggled in leaving the student center at Harding. Bernard couldn't seem to pass one person without stopping, and he seemed to have a hard time pulling himself away from any conversation. You know who you are, and I love you.) We would all greet each family or person that we ran into, and then Bernard would proceed to have a 10 minute conversation in a language that we understand very little of.

It was during this time that all of this experience started to hit me. The things that I was experiencing weren't hard for me to do. Sure, I didn't really like eating matooke and goat soup at 9:00 in the morning for breakfast, but I could do that. I wasn't a huge fan of having to use a bedpan in the middle of the night instead of a toilet, but I did. I didn't love the lack of things to do in the village, the lack of entertainment that we Americans can't seem to live without, but I was making do. I didn't enjoy walking for miles and miles everyday, but it wasn't impossible. The experience in and of itself wasn't hard, but it became hard when it hit me that this is a reality for these people. I was coming in for a quick trip, 2 days to live their lives. This is their life every single day. They wake up every day, walk to get water so that they can live, and then spend each day doing pretty much the same things. Cooking for the day, cleaning the dishes from the day, wandering around the village greeting neighbors. Walking everywhere. They live their lives with no where to go and nothing really exciting to do. They live their lives without the comforts that we could never imagine going a day without. It just hit me that this is all very much a reality. They've probably never even heard of the internet, but I can't seem to go a day without it. Taking pictures with my digital camera and seeing their face on the screen was so thrilling to them. Having two mzungu girls in their house for a couple of days was one of the most exciting things they've experienced in a long time. It was a hard reality to grasp for me, and it's something I'm still trying to wrap my mind around as I'm sitting here in my comfortable apartment, with my internet running, and my toilet just a room away.

This experience was great, but this experience was also extremely hard. I'm so thankful for Bernard welcoming us into his home to share in his life for a few days, and I would do it again in a second. I saw God a lot in those two days. I saw him in the simplicity of their lives in the village. I saw him in the way that Bernard continually served us, giving us the best food (meat is only served on very special occasions), and giving us a chair while he sat on the floor. I saw God in the way that Midias served her family by cooking food all day long over an open fire in an extremely small, smoky room. I saw the face of God in the faces of these children. I saw the face of God in the people that I met in the village that day. I saw his face in the face of an old, Ugandan woman who could barely walk, yet knelt at my feet to greet me. I saw God's face in the joy in these people's life that certainly does not come from circumstances, but a joy that can only be found in him. It was an incredible experience that I wish everyone could enjoy.

We got back to our apartment at 8:00 Tuesday morning. I was exhausted, dirty, and so ready for the comforts that I had been missing. I wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower and check my email. Well, God had different plans for that day. We got home to find out that our power was off, and it stayed off until 9:00 that night. So instead of spending my day catching up with friends back home, and relishing in the comforts of my life, God continued my bonding experience. What an incredible blessing that was. Instead of filling my day with endless hours on the computer, I filled my day with endless hours with God. I spent a lot of time with him in prayer and in his word. I was able to process my experience a lot and allow him to teach me even after I thought the experience had ended. I'm so thankful for the times that our plans don't turn out the way we want, and God gently reminds us that his plans are always better.

I'm sorry this is so long. It just seems impossible to sum up such a full experience in just a few short paragraphs. I'm going to end with some pictures of my time in the village. There's a bunch more on my website, so make sure to click on one of the pictures below to see the others. I love you guys. Thanks for walking this journey with me.

Wandering in the wilderness

2007-08-03T12:34:00.000-05:00

I think I've been getting more out of our Bible lessons in school the past few weeks than my kids have. We're studying Hebrews 11, and we're calling it our "Faith Hall of Fame" study. (I figured that was one way to get the attention of my kids, since 3 out of my 4 students are sports-crazed boys.) It's been really great for me to take a closer look at some of those Old Testament stories that we've all heard a hundred times before. That's one of my favorite things about teaching...the fact that I get to learn things again and that they stick so much better now that I'm the one teaching rather than the one learning. So last week we talked a little bit about Moses and the Israelites wandering in the wilderness after God led them out of Egypt and out of captivity. We had talked about the great faith of Moses with the burning bush and with the 10 plagues the week before and last week was more of an example of what faith sometimes looks like when it wavers. It hit me in a completely new way just how much I am like the Israelites in my unsteady, ever-changing, always failing faith.

When I was reading the story to my kids, they couldn't believe, almost as much as I couldn't believe, how much the Israelites doubted God even though he continually met all their needs and gave them everything they could ever need. I was reading it thinking to myself, "This is incredible. These people are so stupid." The Israelites needed to be free so God sends ten plagues. They need to cross a sea so God holds back the powerful water for them. They are hungry so God sends them manna every morning. Water, how about out of a rock? I read these stories and I question how they could ever doubt God's faithfulness. I wonder how they could ever worry about being taken care of, when God mets their needs perfectly. I question why the time in the wilderness was not more a time of growth than it was. Why did they still doubt? Where was their faith? God gently and quietly humbled me throughout this very self-righteous, judgmental time, by revealing to me that I am no better than those Israelites. In fact, my faith is much weaker.

God does the same things in my life. He meets my needs daily. Sure it's not always in a can't believe your eyes, drop your jaw sort of way, but it is no less miraculous or amazing than it was with the Israelites. God has never once let me down. I let him down daily, but He picks me back up without hesitation. Gods knows my heart and He knows my needs better than I could ever express them. Why then do I still doubt his sovereignty and his supreme timing? I'm not sure, but God taught me a cool lesson about his timing this week.

I'm doing a Beth Moore study right now, and it's challenging me daily. It's on the fruit of the spirit, and this week it has concentrated on peace. All week, I've concentrated on praying for peace in several different areas of my life. I've been praying for the peace that only God can give, "which exceeds anything we can understand." I deeply desire His peace that, "will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." That has been the focus of my heart this week. There were several days where I prayed this prayer non-stop throughout the day. It was at the forefront of my mind. Yet the more I prayed for peace, the less peaceful I felt. The more I asked for God's help in the hard situations, the more turmoil I felt inside of me. But then God did something pretty amazing. At the moment when I needed his peace the most, He washed it over me. My heart was guarded and my mind was full of peace. Amidst the storm, I felt calm. It was even cooler because it was a sense of peace that I can take no credit for. This was something that I know only comes from God.

Maybe, just maybe, there is more to be said of these times of wilderness wandering that we experience. Maybe it's in those times, the times when we desperately seek God, yet can't seem to find him, that we grow the most. Maybe God is changing our heart the most in the times we can't feel it. Maybe I'm way off on all of this. I guess this week I've just been convicted again, for the one thousandth time, that God's way is always the best. His ways are higher than our ways in the big areas of our life, and even in the small ones. I prayed for peace all week. God gave it to me at just the right moment, when He knew I needed it the most. I'm just thankful that despite my unfaithfulness, God never fails.

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19

Time flies

2007-07-31T10:24:00.000-05:00

As I wrote the date on the board in school today, I couldn't believe that it's the last day of July. It is so hard to believe that I've already been here in Uganda for almost two months. At the same time, so much has happened in the short time that I've been here that it seems like I've been here forever. Mbarara feels so comfortable to me, and I'm continuing to feel at home here. These first few months have been full of so many blessings, especially this last month. So this post will kind of serve as an update on the month of July by way of pictures.

We had a 4th of July party, Ugandan style. Most of the kids had never seen sparklers before so that was a fun thing to watch. Here is Tripp enjoying loving the USA.

The Harding interns got here on July 3rd and left yesterday. It was awesome to have our friends here for almost a month. Here we are eating at one of the most western restaurants in town, the Agip Motel and also in front of our hotel in Jinja right before we said goodbye.

D-rae and I spent a weekend in Kampala (the capital) by ourselves and I found an awesome coffee shop. I was in heaven!

I went on a safari to Queen Elizabeth National Park when my friend Wes came to visit. It was awesome to see so many cool animals.

Wes even helped me teach school for two days, and the kids loved it.

I try to get my fix with these girls when I'm missing my nieces. On the left is Ansley Glisson and Avery Fouts is on the right.

I think that about covers all the highlights. Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures of my adventure on the Nile yet, but don't worry, I'll post them as soon as I get them. Thank you so much to all of you who keep up with what's going on with me. I can't tell you what that means to me to get your emails and encouragement even as I'm so far away. Continue to pray for the work over here, especially as we are getting ready to undergo some major transitions. The Fouts will be moving back to America at the end of September, which will be a very tough time for us. Our role will then change a little as we'll take on some new ministries in addition to still working with the team kids. I'm excited and anxious about the future all at the same time, but I know that God is in control through it all. His ways are so much higher than mine, and I'm grateful that my life is in his hands.

Ask and Receive

2007-07-16T14:19:00.000-05:00

I can remember a lot of things from my childhood. I remember certain holidays, birthdays, vacations...all the big things. But just as much as I remember the big, fun, exciting things, I also remember some of the small, tough things, such as the rules that my parents had. One of the rules that really stuck with me was the one about asking if a particular friend could come over and play, right in front of that friend. In my family, asking Mom and Dad if Suzie could come over and play, while Suzie was standing there and it was hard for Mom and Dad to say no....yeah, that was always a dumb decision because the answer was automatically no. But no matter how many times I fell into the trap of that rule, I kept on asking right in front of my friends. It was almost as if I was so excited to ask permission that I simply couldn't wait to ask until I was alone with just my parents. Stubborn kid + well-enforced rule=lots of tearful Sundays without a friend coming over to play

I grew up, and I would venture to say most of us did, in a home where ask was not always synonymous with receive. I knew that asking for a Milky Way while we were checking out at Wal-Mart most certainly meant that I would not get it. Those were only for when we were good, right Mom? :) I also knew that asking for a certain toy while shopping would also mean I wouldn't automatically just get it. My parents did an awesome job of teaching us that we don't always get everything that we ask for. Now before you feel sorry for me, know that my parents threw the best birthday parties and Christmas mornings of anyone I know. They just taught us the difference between getting everything we want and being thankful for the things we have. I'm so thankful for them and for the way that they stuck to the rules, even when it took stubborn little Betsy awhile to catch on.

I got away today and spent some alone time. You might think that living in Uganda, apart from most everyone I know, would create quite a bit of alone time. But the mission team has done such a great job of welcoming us here that D-rae and I actually have to intentionally take time to ourselves, which I think is a pretty awesome problem to have. I spent some time writing in my journal and processing a lot of thoughts and emotions that I've been going through. It felt so good to just spend time with God, talking to him, questioning him, but ultimately, meeting him.

God convicted me of several things today. The one that is sticking with me the most is that I simply don't pray expecting that he will answer me. I really like the way that Matthew 7:7 reads in my New Living Translation Bible. Keep on asking and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking and you will find. Keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you. How many times have I read this verse without really reading it? God promises here that asking=receiving, seeking=finding, and knocking=an opened door. Do we really believe that? Better yet, do I really believe that? Do I pray about things to God expecting that He is going to answer me?

The more I walk this journey with God, the more that I think I can answer yes to that question, but definitely not all the time, or even a majority of the time. But even when I do pray expecting God to show up and answer, I usually pray with an agenda. What I mean by that is that I pray for something and then secretly wait for God to answer it just exactly as I have planned for it to go. When he doesn't, I get upset, lose faith, and stop expecting big things. I realize as I'm typing this that none of this is new, earth-shattering conclusions. It's not even really that wise. It's just something that hit me in a new way today and I wanted to write about it.

All my life, I've heard people say, "Be careful what you wish for." But what I think is just as true is "Be careful what you pray for." God promises us that if we ask we will receive. He doesn't say we will receive just exactly as we have planned. But he does say that we will receive. I have prayed for God to stretch me and mold me into the person that he truly wants me to be a lot in the past month. I have prayed that I will truly be satisfied in only Him. I had a picture in my mind of what that would look like. You know, it was painfree and happened practically overnight. It was the easy way. Well, let me just say that God had something quite different in mind. He had joy, freedom, and grace. But he also had trials, struggles, pain, and hurt. God is God and He knows just what we need in life. He knows that I am stubborn and he knows that sometimes it takes big things to get my attention.

So often I pray about something big and something that I deeply desire, but I might not desire the way in which God chooses to answer. Is that truly praying with faith? I've been convicted today that to truly pray with faith is to accept any answer that God gives. It is to accept the obscure answers that we don't understand and the painful ones that break our hearts. It is to accept the good with the bad and the bad with the good. To truly trust God means that we will ask humbly and accept willingly. I pray that God will truly give me that kind of faith, whatever it might take.

Isaiah 26:8

2007-07-07T16:24:00.001-05:00

I'm not even sure how to start this post because I have so many thoughts and feelings going through my head and heart right now. God is just working on my heart big time right now and it's taking me awhile to process through these thoughts and ideas. Let's just start with the above verse.

Lord, we show our trust in you by obeying your laws; Our heart's desire is to glorify your name.
Isaiah 26:8

Is it my heart's desire to glorify God? Or is my heart's desire to glorify Betsy? Do I desire earthly relationships more than I desire the one with my heavenly father? Do I desire controlling my life rather than trusting that God is taking care of me in everything? Do I desire the prosperity gospel, full only of blessings and joy, or do I truly desire to know Christ and share in his sufferings? Do I desire to be comfortable, never asking difficult questions, and constantly just staying in the same place, or do I truly desire to know God more everyday in a way that is constantly changing my life? These are some questions that I've really been asking myself lately. These are questions that I feel like God is putting on my heart.

One of my favorite times of the week is team worship. We all get together on Saturday afternoons to just spend a few hours in worship. We praise together and we have a time of feeding. The mission team here realized early on that it's very easy to give and give and give here, and as a result come up empty yourself. They call this time that we get together "feeding time" and I think it's extremely wise that they make it such a priority to feed themselves before they try to feed others around them. Anyways, we've been watching some videos from the Passion conference a few years ago. They have been very tough videos to watch only because the message is so real and so true, and I can't help but walk away being challenged to make changes in my life.

The message today was about being truly satisfied in God. I can't tell you how many times I have prayed that God will make the statement "God, you are all that I need." a true statement in my life. But it's hard. It's hard to give up the tangible things here on this earth that can bring us that sense of satisfaction. I recognize that it is hard, but then when I sit and think about it, I wonder why. Why is it so hard for us to give up the things of this earth? I'm not really sure actually. I've been thinking about it all day, and I can't figure it out.

God gives me such good gifts here on earth. He has blessed me with an amazing family and incredible friends that mold and shape me everyday. I truly believe that God reveals bits and pieces of himself to us through the people that He puts in our lives. He gives me all the things I need to physically survive. I have never known true hunger, and I have never been without anything that I absolutely needed to live. He gives me everything that I need, all the while waiting for me to realize that I need nothing but Him. I praise God for earthly gifts. But as good as they are, they are imperfect and they are ever-changing. We cannot depend on anything of this world. I have the greatest family in the world, but even that is not something I can always find my satisfaction in. I never in a million years thought that I would lose my dad when I was 15. But life doesn't go the way we plan, and things happen that we would never expect and never want. I know that. I know that life is full of twists and turns, yet I continue to search for satisfaction in these things that are unconstant. (I realize that is not a word, but it's 1:00 AM and I'm having a hard time here.) I just don't understand why, when I know that the things of this world are fleeting, I continually turn to them to fill my heart and my life. I desire things that, by design, cannot provide eternal satisfaction.

I'm ready to stop this pattern. I'm ready to truly be satisfied by God more than anything else in this world. I have definitely experienced seasons of intensely desiring God and truly finding satisfaction in him. I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good, and I am ready to taste again. I feel like I am learning more and more each day what it means to be truly satisfied in God. I think that the more we get a small glimpse of this life, a life of fullness and true satisfaction, the more we crave it. What a cool God we serve! He is always there waiting, even when we're searching for satisfaction elsewhere. He picks us up and dusts us off, when we're broken from another disappointment of something that we thought would give us that satisfaction. I'm so thankful for his faithfulness in me, even when I am so unfaithful to him.

One quote from the video today that I think will stick with me for awhile is that, "The things that satisfy us are ultimately the things that we glorify." If we are satisfied with a particular relationship, then we will glorify that person. If we find satisfaction in our possessions, then we will praise those that made them. I want to find satisfaction only is God and then let my maker be glorified.

Pure Joy

2007-07-02T13:20:00.000-05:00

Today was, by far, my favorite day that I've had in Uganda so far. My friend Alexanderson took Desarae and I home to the village that he from, which is about 1 1/2 hours from Mbarara in the Isingiro district. It was an incredible day full of different adventures. I'm just going to write about a few on here (I know I tend to get long-winded so I'll try to avoid that), but be sure to check out the other pictures on my picasa site so that you can see all that I experienced today.

We started out from Mbarara at 9:30 this morning and finally arrived at his village, Kashojuoa, around 12:30. It was definitely a surreal experience to be driving through southern Uganda listening to Cyndi Lauper's "Time after Time," over and over again. Our hired driver had a few tapes of old 80's and 90's music and that just made the trip a little more humorous for D-rae and I. The trip was longer this morning because we made a few stops for food and for visiting some of Alex's friends. My favorite part of the day came when we stopped at the primary school that Alex went to. This is a school of over 2,300 children, many of whom are refugees from Rwanda and other neighboring countries. Some classes have 200 students in one class and because of a lack of classrooms, some classes meet outside everyday. When the headmaster found out we were school teachers, he got so excited and immediately granted my request of visiting some of the classrooms and seeing the children.

After today, I think I can truly say that I know what it feels like to be a Hollywood celebrity, because that is what we were treated like today. It was incredible the reaction that we got every time we stepped into a classroom. The kids would scream, shout, clap as loudly as possible, and try their best to get into every picture that I took. Kids from every class would follow us when we left their class, so the group of kids following us grew more with every class we visited. They would reach out to hold our hands, play with our arm fat (no seriously the back of the arm fat that everyone has....apparently it's really appealing to Ugandan children), and try their best to touch us or be near us in any way possible. We completely disrupted school for the half hour that were there, but it was great.

The kids couldn't get enough of us, but what they didn't know was that I could not get enough of them. I can't stop looking at the pictures that I took today. When I look at these kids, I see poverty at it's most extreme. They have no desks to sit in, no pencils to write with...only books to share with one another. They are crammed into rooms or made to sit under a tree all day because there is simply no space for them. They probably don't have much more than the clothes on their back and if they're lucky, the shoes on their feet. But when I look at these kids, I also see pure joy. Happiness doesn't describe what these kids have. To me, happiness is something that is based on the circumstances around us. By that definition, these kids have very little to be happy about. But if ever I have seen joy...I saw it today. I saw a joy that isn't based on earthly treasures. I saw a joy that comes simply from life, and nothing else.

Experiencing this today at the school really touched me. For thirty minutes today, Desarae and I were the center of attention at this school. We were celebrities and those kids would've done anything to be near us, or even better, touch us. It was overwhelming but also, extremely humbling. The whole time, I just kept thinking to myself, "Who am I that these kids would get this excited about me being here?" Those kids knew nothing more about me than the fact that I was white and to them that was enough. It's something that is really hard for me to wrap my American, judgmental mind around. I am no one special. I am not extraordinary. I am not a celebrity, but to those kids, I was all of those things. I don't think I've ever simply accepted anyone in the way that these kids accepted me today. They asked no questions and demanded no answers. They just loved me. If only we could look at people and see them as God's children, and that just be enough.

The whole time we were at the school I couldn't help but think of Matthew 18 and 19 when Jesus talks about little children. He calls them the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven, and he welcomes them when no one else will. Jesus was constantly the center of attention. People were constantly pushing and pressing to touch him and feel just a fraction of his glory. They gave him no privacy to the point of his disciples trying to protect him by keeping the children away from him. Seeing these kids today painted a very clear picture of why Jesus welcomed the little children the way that he did. How can you not? In children, Jesus saw what life was about, and today I feel like I was given a glimpse of that same realization. These children have joy when the world tells them they have nothing to be joyful about. They welcome and accept those that they know nothing about, and the world tells us that is foolish. They were unashamed of their excitement and held back nothing. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to see the hearts of these children today. They taught me more in the thirty minutes I was there than I could have ever imagined. I saw Jesus so clearly in their small faces today. They truly are the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven.

Refiner's Fire

2007-06-29T12:38:00.000-05:00

God is constantly teaching me things here in Mbarara, and tonight was no different. Friday is a long day for us here, and today I was especially tired after our first full week of school. We have youth night every Friday night at 5:00 either at the church or at the church office. Youth is kind of a relative term, as anyone who is single and unmarried can come. It's a really great time for us to build relationships with the guys and girls who are around our age. We usually play cards or volleyball and then end with some time of worship. It's always great. It's always uplifting, but tonight staying at home and relaxing sounded so much more tempting. In fact, I was kind of having a bad attitude about going if we're going to be honest. I just wanted to stay home and be lazy. But I went, and God really humbled me tonight.

When we got there, everyone greeted us. I don't just mean they said hi and kept playing their game. They stopped their games to extend their hand or give us a hug and remind us that "You are welcome!" To us that sounds like a response to someone saying thank you, but here they say that the first time they see you for the day so that you are reminded of how welcome you are here in Uganda. Desarae and I made our way to the back table where our friends Bob, Nicolas, and Winne were playing a game. Immediately Bob and another guy stood up and gave us their chairs so that we could play. We spent a long time (D-rae claims it was 40 hands) playing cards with Nicolas. Then we ended with singing some songs, both in English and in Runyonkore. In the middle of one of the Runyonkore songs, our friend Gibrel (who looks remarkably similar to Whoopi Goldberg) came over to make sure that we understood what the song meant. She always makes a point of doing that so we can know what we're singing and understand the meaning of the song.

After youth night was over, we made plans with our friend Alexanderson to go to his village on Monday. A lot of people who we've met through church here in town, actually live in villages that can be quite a ways away from Mbarara. Being invited to go to someone's village with them is a pretty special and intimate invitation. Desarae and I are so excited about getting to experience this true side of Uganda. Any picture you have of what you think Africa might be like...mud huts, no running water, very primitive situation..that is what we understand the villages to be like. We're so thankful that our new friends wants to share this with us.

We headed to our favorite grocery store here in town to pick up a few things after youth night, and our friend Wilbur, from church, followed us there. He insisted on buying us something in the store, so we finally gave in and let him buy us some juice. Then as we were walking home, our friends Livingston, Cheeza, and Gibrel saw us, waited for us, and then insisted on carrying our bags for us.

I went to youth night tonight dragging my feet. I would have rather stayed home. But from the moment that I got there, I was continually served. People gave up their chairs, bought me things, and carried my bags for me. They put my needs far above their own in a way that completely floored and humbled me. Accepting this kind of love from these people, who have so little to give anyways, is a very very difficult thing to do at times. It was wrenching my heart to allow Wilbur to buy us something, knowing that he probably struggles to make ends meet every single day. But that is just how the people here are. They have a giving spirit that I have never seen before. They love you before they even know you. They love you simply because you love Jesus. Thank God for the example of what it truly means to be unified in Christ and what it truly means to love and serve others.

As we were walking in town tonight, I saw this. I gasped (Desarae actually thought something had scared me and was worried for a second) at the beauty of this place. But even more than the beauty in the landscape, I notice the beauty of God's people here in Mbarara. He is alive and active. I pray that these people can only rub off on me in the next year to make me more what God wants me to be.

Refiner's Fire. My hearts ONE desire is to be holy. Set apart for you my master. Ready to do your will...

2 posts in one day...don't get too excited

2007-06-24T06:19:00.000-05:00

I know this might be a little ridiculous...posting twice in a matter of minutes. But really, I just have a bunch more pictures online that I wanted to make sure everyone knows are there. This group of pictures is basically just an assortment of things that I've experienced or seen in the last 2 1/2 weeks. There are pictures of my class, food that I've eaten, and some of Mbarara.

This picture is my favorite one that I've taken so far, and you'll notice that pictures of sunsets completely dominate this album. I love being outdoors because it's always a place that I see God in a tangible way. Watching a sunset is pretty much one of my favorite things ever, and they are absolutely the prettiest here in Uganda. Every night we have dinner at one of the missionaries' houses at 6:30, which is just about the time the sun starts to set. So every night I get to walk in the direction of it, and I have a difficult time not taking a picture. God is so good to us when he showers us with blessings, and being able to see his beauty, here, all around me, is a blessing that I hope I never take for granted.

Home sweet home

2007-06-24T05:56:00.000-05:00

I know that my last post might have provided some insight into the apartment that I live in. It has definitely kept us on our toes the last 2 weeks, as we're never quite sure what might work or what won't work. But to me, that is just part of the adventure. It's a cool lesson that God has already taught me since being here. I wake up every morning completely thankful IF there is hot water to take a shower. I told Desarae this morning that I feel like I've gotten spoiled because we've had water for the past 4 days. Just learning to go without much water and having to conserve that water that we did have taught me a lesson of thankfulness. Water is something we just take for granted in America, but here it is a special blessing. I can't tell you how many times, just out of habit, I've gone to the faucet to get some water to drink or make some coffee before I remember that I have to get that water out of the filter. It's a new kind of life to get used to, but I feel like God is teaching me things everyday just by learning to adapt to life in Uganda.

Even though our apartment is maybe not the most reliable always, it has been an incredible blessing for us to be here. It's in a great part of Mbarara, and we are surrounded by beauty every we look. There are only a few other people living in our building right now because all of the university students are on holiday break, so we haven't gotten to meet many neighbors, but we have gotten to know our landlord Mbaga pretty well. He is such a blessing and has been so good to us. There have been numerous days that we have had to call him several different times to come help us fix things or whatever. Each time, he comes right away and stays until everything is working perfectly. We've even called him late at night before when our toilet wouldn't stop overflowing and we were out of water. Through it all he has been very gracious and helpful. Today as we were walking in from church he asked where we'd been. When we told him, he said, "Next time I will go with you." Des and I had been talking about how we wanted to invite him to church because a lot of our friends are probably around our age, and then he went and invited himself. It was pretty great. We usually don't have church on Sunday nights here, but tonight we're having a special praise and worship time at 4 so he is going with us. Please pray for him and pray for us that maybe God can use us to reach him.

I know that a lot of people have been asking for pictures, and I finally was able to load a bunch onto my picasa website. The picture below is a picture of our apartment building. Our apartment is on the back side of the far right of the apartment complex. It is still very much under construction as you can tell from the picture. If you click on this picture, it will take you to a bunch more of the inside of our apartment. And just a warning, be prepared to take a pretty indepth tour of our apartment. I had a little too much fun taking pictures of everything, but I know everyone is curious about what it looks like, so that's how I justified it! I miss you all!

Fully Alive

2007-06-21T09:43:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm finally here. I've been in Mbarara for 2 weeks now, and I have absolutely loved every minute of it, and I'm not just saying that. It's amazing how wonderful this trip has been so far. I know that it's early on in the trip and I'm still on a high of being here, but I'm so thankful that God has blessed me with such a great beginning to this journey. I know there will be plenty of days where I'm not feeling this great and days where I want nothing more than to be home. I know good and well that every day of this journey will not be great or easy, but I'm just enjoying the great days right now and the ways that God is so good to me here in Uganda.

I don't even know where to start to tell all about I've experience so far. All I know is that I've never felt as alive as I do now. Someone told me once that when they're in Africa, they truly come alive. She also told me that she could see that in me. Well, she was right. Mbarara already feels so much like home to me despite the ways that it is so different. I feel God's presence in such an intimate way here...a way that I've never felt before. I can't explain how much I enjoy worshipping with the town church here, singing and dancing (yes I said dancing...this is Africa). Desarae (who, holy cow has been an incredible blessing to me here) and I have talked about this. It's almost like there is a face of God that we see here that we've never seen before. These people help us to see a side of God that we've never even touched before. It's almost like I see God in such a tangible way...like I can reach out and touch him. That might sound so strange to you, but He is just so real here. The Ugandans that I meet have a joy in God that is indescribable. They live in the most run-down slums you could ever imagine. Seriously, imagine the worst area of a town you have ever seen and multiply it by 10. They don't know where most of their meals will come from. Most of them don't have jobs and don't know where their next 1,000 shillings will come from (which sounds like a lot, but is really only 60 cents). Yet, through all of that, they smile and they thank God for the clothes on their back and the meal they had 3 days ago. They shake my hand, hug on me, and thank me for coming every time I see them. Seeing them jump, shout hallelujah, and give God their all during worship, and every day, is truly humbling to me. I learn something more about what it means to truly love God every day that I am here.

God has also shown himself in a big way through the mission team here. The 3 families are incredible, and Desarae and I have become incredibly close to all of them already. They invite us over for meals all the time. Since we have been here, I think we've only been on our own for maybe 5 meals. They have completely welcomed us as their friends before they even know us. The way that they live their lives and the way they raise their children is a huge example to me daily. I love the 9 kids that are here so much already. Plus there just happens to be a 2 year old girl here who is 6 days younger than Kennedy so she fills in as my nieces for the next year. One of the ladies on the team is pregnant and due in September so I'll have another little one around when I'm missing my new nieces and nephews. The kids are really incredible though. One of the neatest things has been building such great relationships with them before being their teacher. We started school 2 days ago and it's been great. These are some of the best kids I know and it is nothing but a pleasure to teach them.

Ok, I feel like I could go on for days about my time here, but I have to go to dinner soon. I haven't figured out how to get pictures on here yet with my internet connection, but hopefully that will come soon. I'm going to end with a list of some crazy things I've experienced so far. Enjoy!

- 40 hours of traveling from Peoria to Mbarara...enough said
- Riding in a car on a Ugandan road where there are absolutely no traffic laws
- Playing a trick on one of the kids here where I acted like I could take off my finger. Then having him ask his dad for his knife so he could do it too
- Eating posho (a cornmeal mush here with random rocks in it) surrounded by all kinds of spiders in a local restaurant
- My landlord's name is Mbaga, which means Party...seriously that's cool
- Going without power every 3rd night from about 7:00 PM to 7:00 AM
- Coming home during our first power outage and realizing we have a generator. What a blessing!
- Trying to cook mac and cheese in our apartment. Trust me, it's an adventure every time.
- Playing the Ugandan game of Uno which is ironically enough called "cards."
- There is a part in that game where you say Pick and Play. Ugandans can't say their L's very well and they sound like R's so me and Desarae thought they were picking and praying for awhile.
- Experiencing my first earthquake...especially in an apartment building that is still under construction
- Eating fried grasshoppers
- Eating goat
- Mbarara had a water shortage and we went without water for 2 days
- Being in the middle of taking a shower and all the sudden the nice, clean water turns to muddy water all over me
- Just not really ever knowing if we'll have water or not
- Realizing that I can't whistle constantly like I always do because in Uganda, a woman whistling is like a sign of distress
- Riding a pici-pici, which is basically just a moped for a whopping 30 cents. We basically do it every time we come home from town.
- Having every Ugandan kid say "how are you?" when we walk past them on the roads. It's the only phrase they know and they don't even know how to answer it when we ask them how they are doing
- Having a Ugandan girl courtsy to me and then reach out and just touch me
- Having a Ugandan man ask if we are single and then giggle excitedly when we reply that we are not married
- Our toilet wouldn't flush for 2 days...sick.
- Then we got that fixed and our toilet wouldn't stop overflowing
- We have no shower curtain and the shower head is 1 foot from the toilet and 2 from the sink...it's quite an experience.
- The paint on our floor is still wet...There are footprints all over our rug.
- Our clothes rod in our closet randomly fell off today.
- We wake up to construction workers outside our door everyday.
- Desarae swears she witnessed an excorsism in the grass behind our apartment yesterday.
- Actually being woken up by a mosquito buzzing in my ear. Maybe I should put that mosquito net back up...
- Having my first African sickness called giardia...it was awful.
- Giving one of my students a mohawk the night before the first day of school
- Watching Ugandans pave a road here. It's really interesting.
- Hearing a bird that sounds just like a monkey and actually running outside to try to see my first monkey.

Ok I think that's all. Uganda is incredibly interesting and always keeps me on my toes. I love you all!

Missing Out

2007-05-29T20:26:00.000-05:00

The countdown is down to a week. It's so hard to believe that it's almost here. I've known that I've wanted to go spend a year in Uganda, since last July...the first time that I heard about this mission opportunity. Now, here I am, a week away from actually getting to experience it. I think one of the things that I'm most excited about is actually getting to see everything that I've been imagining for the last year. I'm ready to see my apartment. I'm ready to see what Uganda looks like. I'm ready to meet the rest of the team. But most of all, I'm ready to see what God is going to do in the next year. I'm ready to see how he's going to stretch me and challenge me. I can't wait.

As excited as I am to go, I am equally as sad to be leaving. The past two weeks have been full of spending time with loved ones and trying to soak up all these moments that have to last me for a year. I could go on and on and on about the friends that I will miss, but tonight I'm choosing to write about my two beautiful nieces. Now before any of the rest of you get too hurt remember 2 things....1) I have recent pictures of them and this post is also my attempt to learn how to post pictures on this thing. And 2) They're both less than 2 years old and much cuter than anyone else I know.

Just like most aunts, I'm convinced that my nieces are the two most beautiful, funniest, and smartest girls ever to walk on this earth. I've been able to spend some time with each of them in the last few months, and it's been such a blessing to have that time when I think of all the time that I'm about to have to spend away from them. There is just something about missing out on an entire year of a toddler's life that is a little different than missing out on a year of just anyone's life. I feel sure that when I come back in a year most of my friends and family are going to be pretty much the same. They'll act about the same and look pretty much the same. But that's not the case with little ones. They change so much in a month, let alone an entire year. They'll be talking so much more and they'll look so much more grown up. That is what makes leaving them especially hard. I hate that I'm going to miss out on so much of their young lives.

Sidney is almost 22 months old and I was blessed to spend a week with her and my sister and brother-in-law back in March. I went to visit them in Maryland for my spring break and had an awesome time. It was so great to just be able to have those last moments with her before I'm gone for the year. She's growing up so fast and she has so much personality. She would wake up every morning that I was there and one of the first things she'd say was, "Betsy, downstairs." My sister would try to keep her distracted for about an hour so I could sleep until at least 8:30 or so and then I would wake up to Sid's sweet voice. I never wake up in such a great mood as I do when she wakes me up. Kennedy will turn 2 on June 7th, the day that I arrive in Mbarara. It's hard enough to miss her 2nd birthday by only 2 days, but it makes it even harder when my sister tells me that when she mentions the birthday party to Kennedy she replies with "Betsy coming! Betsy coming!" I hate that I'm missing it and I hate that she's old enough to know that I'm missing it. But I feel pretty sure that as soon as she sees the Dora cake, Dora doll house, Dora umbrella, Dora toys (she's slightly obsessed with Dora), she'll quickly be quite alright with the fact that I'm not there.

Even though I'll miss my girls, I know that they're going to be taken care of. God has blessed them both with the greatest parents they could have ever hoped for. I am so blessed not only to be in the lives of such sweet girls, but to be able to see incredible examples of what it means to raise your children in a Godly manner from day 1. I'm thankful for my sisters and brother-in-laws and the things that they teach me daily. And all I have to say about missing my nieces is thank God for the invention of a web cams and ichat!

The Power of God

2007-05-16T10:57:00.000-05:00

I realize that the beginning of my blogging experience probably leaves much to be desired to anyone who checks this thing regularly since I haven't posted since February 5th. I've thought about posting so many times, and wanted to, but either couldn't find the time to sit down and devote all of my thoughts to it, or I just felt like what I had to say wasn't worth writing. These past few months have been a whirlwind of finishing up college, saying goodbyes, and preparing to leave the life that I've known on a journey of the unknown. Forget the excuses though. I do promise to be better once I'm actually in Uganda...don't worry Mom.

Admist the craziness of the past 3 months came a little day called "College Graduation." I graduated from college on Saturday and had one of the most emotional days of my life. First of all, it didn't even feel like I was graduating because I had been student teaching for the past 12 weeks and had not been taking classes. While everyone else was going to their last day of class forever, or cramming for their last final ever, I was just going to school like any other day. It's amazing how that kind of routine can take you out of the "last week of school" feeling. So not only did it not really feel like it was time to be graduating, but man, I did not want it to be time to graduate. Most people can't wait for graduation. They're ready to be done with classes, get out of ________ (insert boring college city), and move on with their life. The only thing I can relate with there is being done with classes. I am so glad that I never have to write another stupid paper on the history of a queen in Europe that no one has ever even heard of. Or take another comprehensive final on things that I'm pretty sure we never even covered in the first place. I will not miss that at all, and if I do, I'll be shocked. But as far as the rest of those things, I can't relate to them at all. Driving out of Searcy was one of the hardest things I've done in a long time. I've been living in that town for the past 4 years, and really for the past 2 years straight minus a few Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks, because I stayed there last summer. I've made relationships with families and people there that will forever be special to me. As excited as I am to go to Uganda, I still don't know that I was "ready" to move on. Harding is such a special place and has really changed my life. I've met the most incredible people there, experienced the most incredible things, and I wasn't ready to give that up. So you could say that maybe I wasn't the typical college graduate. I said some goodbyes to friends, not knowing when I'll see them again. I cried more than I smiled. It was a hard day and at day's end, I felt pretty numb.

I say all that to give you an idea of the kind of emotions that I've been experiencing lately. Sadness, numbness, fear, anxieties. You name it, and I've probably had it. But one emotion that has been a constant for me, and one that seems out of place in the above list, is peace. I have such a peace about where I'm at in life. I have such a peace about where I've been and where I'm going. The only reason that I have that peace is because of prayer.

So often we hear people, and we ourselves even talk about the power of prayer. I heard someone say once that it's not prayer that it is powerful, but it's the God behind it who holds the power. That really stuck with me and it's something that I've tried to change my thinking on. Prayer is a great thing. But why? It's not great because of the words that we say or how often we do it. It's only great because God is listening. It's great because God holds the power to work through our prayers. Since October when I first decided to go to Uganda, I know that people all over have been praying for me. During times when I struggled to pray about it on my own, I always had the assurance that people all over were praying for me. As I said goodbye to a friend's dad on Saturday, who I have come to really love and respect over the last year, he hugged me and told me that people all over, people that I'd never even met before, were praying for me. What an incredible thought. There are probably people all over the world remembering me and lifting me up to God. I get emails almost everyday of people wishing me well, and they always close with "I'm praying for you." I can't tell you what that does for my feeling of peace. Knowing that so many different people are lifting me up in prayer, gives me a peace that I can't describe.

So I guess the conclusion of this long rambling is really pretty simple. Thank you for praying for me. I know that this next year is going to be amazing, but I also know that it won't be perfect. I know that there will be times when maybe I'm struggling to pray for myself. It's in those times especially that I will be thankful for all of my prayer warriors. Your prayers mean so much to me, and I'm just so grateful that you are giving God a chance to show His power.

My Heart's Desire

2007-02-05T12:00:00.000-06:00

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do,
but what I hate I do.
Romans 7:15

Can anyone completely relate to this verse besides me? I feel like this verse is my thought at the end of each day. It resonates in my mind as I lay down and think about the day. It seems like each day I wake up with such good intentions. I intend to start my day in prayer and studying the Bible. I intend to love others around me unconditionally. I intend to prioritize my life around God, who should never leave the forefront of my mind. I intend to see others the way that God does rather then through my own judgmental eyes. I intend to not live in the past but rather be fully in the present. I intend so many good things throughout the day, but how many of them do I actually do.

I think that Paul was really bearing his heart for all of us in this verse. This continual failure and struggle that he admits is something that I'm all too often too proud to let others know about myself. But at the same time, it's one of my biggest struggles. I really appreciate what was shared in chapel this morning. A guy who has been a Christian all his life, grown up as a preacher's kid, and has really never known anything else other than the Christian life, shared his story. Even though that's a great way to be brought up, it carries with it some dangers that he identified. The one that I really can relate to is the danger of becoming lukewarm in the life that you've always known. That's so easy to do and I feel like the above verse is simply the action that manifests itself from the feeling of being lukewarm. When we're not truly passionately seeking God and we're content to just kind of slide by, we start doing things that we don't really desire to do.

I strongly believe that seeking God, spending time with him, and following him wholeheartedly cuts down on this painful disappointment of always falling short of our intentions. Do I think that it completely removes this struggle? Absolutely not. I think it's something that is always going to be hard, no matter where you're at in your Christian walk, but it's encouraging to me that Paul wrote about this battle within himself centuries ago. Obviously it was something that was important enough to him to write about, and also something that he struggled with. Paul, one of the most passionate, zealous, and most ACTIVE early Christians, fell into the sin of complacency and inactivity. He himself struggled with his actions not lining up with his desires. That's encouraging to me. I think it's so easy for us to think that we're the only ones who struggle with a particular sin. That's so untrue and I think another lie that Satan leads us to believe in order to keep us from sharing our burdens with one another. I would venture to say that most Christians struggle with this and that comforts me.

I think it's safe to say that sharing some sort of song lyric is going to be a constant fixture in these blog ramblings of mine. I love music and I really feel like so many songs have such wise things to say. They often seem to say them much better than I can so I figure, why keep rambling, when they've already said it best. And let me just put in a plug for using the random feature on Itunes. It's amazing the songs that "randomly" pop up just when you need to hear them.

This one is by my favorite artist, Sara Groves. Let me tell you that this woman knows how to write lyrics, and I think she has a song out there for every thing I've ever felt. This one is called "Hello Lord," and it's her talking to God after being gone from him for awhile.

I don't doubt your sovereignty. I doubt my own ability to hear what you're saying and to do the right thing. And I desparately want to do the right thing. But right now i don't hear so well and I was wondering if you could speak up.

My simple prayer today is that I listen to God and what he's trying to tell me. Maybe then I can live out the way that my heart desires for me to live.

The Simplicity of Grace

2007-01-28T23:46:00.000-06:00

I had a conversation with a friend tonight. A friend who I am convinced is one of the best and very dearest friends that God could ever bless me with. I'm so thankful for the way she shapes and refines me and tonight was no different.

We decided to be real with each other tonight. I know that might sound silly for me to say about such a close friend, but it's so easy to wear masks even with the ones that know us the best. I hate that about relationships. I hate that we tend to cover up things from the ones that would love us no matter what we uncovered, and in fact, probably love us even more. So anyways, we were talking about life and the things we struggle with. She said some things that I've been feeling lately, and she said some things that hit me hard. I apologize ahead of time if this gets long...I've got a lot to say tonight

Don't you hate it when you feel so far from God that you can't even remember how to get back to Him? I've felt that way so many times in my life. I hate the roller coaster of faith that I sometimes live, and I hate that I'm so inconsistent. I love the mountain top experiences, but I hate the valleys in between. I hate being in the valley, wondering how I fell from my high, but being unable to remember how to get back there. I felt this way towards the end of last semester. Life was busy and out of control and I just felt lost. I felt so far from God. I wasn't praying, I wasn't reading my Bible, and I was lost. Deep down, I knew that all I had to do was just whisper to God that I was ready to come home. That's it. It's that simple. But it always takes me so long to realize that. So often when I reach these points in my life, I tend to believe that I've got to have this eloquent, well-thought out, well-written prayer in order to get back in the good graces of God. What a lie that Satan has led me to believe! I hate that I, and I think many Christians today, tend to make grace such a complicated issue. Grace is amazing, but it's not meant to be so complex. I believe that when we get down to the heart of the gospel, it's meant to be something so simple. Jesus' blood saves us...end of story. All God asks is that we seek Him. He doesn't ask us to have it all together, all the time. He doesn't ask us to have the right words when we've failed or the right prayer asking for forgiveness. He just asks us to be his, even when we're not sure where to start. I am so thankful for that. I am thankful that He is a God who is willing to meet us right where we're at.

I opened up Itunes to listen to some music after I finished talking with my friend, and for those of you who know me well, you know that one of my little quirks is listening to my music on random. So I hit the shuffle button, skipped through some random Destiny's Child and N'Sync from my high school days, and the first song that appealed to me was Hallelujah, Your love is Amazing by Phillips, Craig, and Dean. This is what I heard....

Your love is amazing, steady and unchanging.
Your love is a mountain firm beneath my feet.
Your love is a mystery of how you gently lift me,
When I am surrounded your love carries me.

Instead of getting so caught up in the roller coaster that we sometimes call faith, why don't we just try to consistently grow. God's love and his grace are a mystery to me, but maybe that's ok. Just maybe it's ok that I don't completely understand this grace thing. All I know is that it's amazing, and I want to let it be simple. I'm sick of living from mountain top experience to mountain top experience. I'm ready to just seek Him every day, and let him be the mountain firm beneath my feet.

Slowing down

2007-01-18T10:05:00.000-06:00

In the past 3 1/2 years of being at Harding, one thing that I've really come to appreciate about Arkansas is that it doesn't get nearly as cold in the winter as it does in Illinois. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy the cold change of winter, but not always to the extreme of Illinois winters. It's been a nice change here at school because when it gets cold, it's not as cold, and it's not cold for so long. The past week however, I've felt like I was back in IL. It's been in the 20's most of the days, with highs in the 30's. I've spent the majority of my time inside, and when I have had to be outside, I've been bundled up, and walking from class to class as quickly as possible. Today, it's a little warmer, and as I walked a little more slowly on my way back from chapel, I noticed, again for the thousandth time, how beautiful our campus is. I love that about Harding, and it seems like it gets more beautiful every year. The thing I realized is that the campus has been this beautiful every day this week, but because I kept my head down to block the wind, and only worried about getting to the next heated building, I didn't notice it. I hate that I do that so often in life. I get so caught up in the busyness of my days, and the overall stresses of life, that I don't take the time to slow down and notice the beauty around me and the blessings that are constantly there. That's something I want to be better about this year. I want to always take the time to slow down, and recognize the things that I have in my life. I want to slow down and savor my last semester with my friends and last times with my family before leaving. Because when we do that, when we take the time to pause, it's amazing the things that God can show us.

Beginnings...and Ends

2007-01-10T22:33:00.000-06:00

Well, I've attempted xanga and I'm a huge facebook fan, so I guess it's time to jump on this bandwagon and see how many people will actually read what I have to say. Ok...so that's not it at all. I really just figured that this would be an easy way to post pictures and stories about my experiences in Uganda next year so I decided to go ahead and set one up while I've got some free time over Christmas break. It's hard to believe that it's already time to go back to school. The four weeks at home have been great, but they have flown. I've had such an awesome time spending time with my friends, family, wonderful brothers and sisters, and two beautiful nieces. But it's been kind of a bittersweet time because this is the last time that my whole family will be together before I leave for Africa. It's also my last Christmas for awhile since I won't be able to come home next year. Each time I'm with my family, I think it hits me a little more just how hard it will be to be away from them for so long. I can't even begin to imagine how much bigger and changed KJ and Sid will be when I see them next. As excited as I am for my experience in Uganda, it's tough sometimes to realize the things that I'm going to be giving up. Thankfully I've still got a few months left to soak up the time with the people I love and that mean so much to me.